New Beginnings

This is the second week of advent 2024. This year has seen a sea of change for me both professionally and personally. And I ask new questions now, and some of the answers have taken time and others have not been answered. Patience is easier when you finally have seen God work things out enough times that you have faith that God works things out to the next steps and in the end. I actually find joy in asking questions now. It is as if I am discovering myself for the first time.  

Professionally,  Acting was always a bit of a reluctant call. Love the art but am afraid of the unknown and of my own judgement. Acting is such a personal art and it is collaborative. That collaboration with people who were unfamiliar was a challenge for me. Before I would take almost any job in the field and now after hitting a milestone professionally and moving away from  LA, I can no longer do that. I am more discerning and honest with myself. What lies ahead depends on how I answer the questions I am asking myself and God. 

Personally both in friendship and romance--I reflect a lot more when I feel disrespected or in low priority.  Oftentimes, silence has the answers that words can not provide. The decisions take time but they do come. In new relationships--I take my time and discern and when I choose to respond--I have been gifted the grace to do so chartiably. Being honest with yourself is not easy. Eventually. operating on fear becomes a non productive habit. 

The fruit of all of this has mainly pleasant aspects now. The pleasant is peace, patience, joy and humility and the unpleasant is unexplained loneliness at times. The process to get here involved struggle, detachment, feeling stuck, fighting myself and anger. Growth is never easy but it is worth it. The miracle that comes is when the doors finally open and the past doors finally close. It is at once unexpected and a great relief.  Place holders are removed and you finally feel yourself moving forward. 

The one gift that I have been graced with is intuition and trusting that that comes when it comes. Listening to it is always the way forward.  As the Advent season progresses, I find my calendar full with good choices. FOMO only applies to the stock market. :-) But with every new struggle..I will find that answer. The struggle is a new opportunity for growth.  

This season of Advent is teaching me that some old traditions are good and some no longer feed the season. It teaches me that Jesus is not the same or stagnant even in celebrating his birth year in and year out.  He is always waiting and welcoming us to New Beginnings.

Advent is Truly a Miraculous Adventure

As 2020 draws to a close, we reflect on a year that was for most of us mixed with unexpected blessings and unexpected sorrows. Perhaps both are necessary to prepare us both for our eternal home and a deeper joy in this life.

This Advent is unique for me..I journeyed with the Magnificat Companion. And actually I had not intended on it. I originally ordered it for a friend and that manufacturer said it could be past Nov. 29 before it was delivered.  So I tried to cancel the order and in the meantime picked up a copy at a local religious bookstore and mailed it to my friend. Ironically, the other copy came as well and I asked him to drop off the extra copy in my box. I received it just in time to start on Nov. 29.

And what an adventure it has been...from unexpected meetings to unexpected phone calls. And in the process, layer's being removed and fears discovered. For me..the most surprising thing is how much of an undercurrent fear plays in my action and inaction. Certainly love has also motivated me but I just did not realize that fear was so strong. I guess the quiet allows each of us to reflect...if we take the opportunity to do so.

I will start with the beginning and then my own personal discoveries.  Oftentimes, what appears as one thing is often another thing nuanced. For example the story about Adam and Eve.  Aside from the serpent's deception and guile, I would like to look at Adam and Eves response.  Certainly disobedience was there but it was also FOMO perhaps. Fear of missing out. If this fruit opened eyes and provided wisdom and one could be like God knowing both good and evil...then if they don't eat it they will stay ignorant. Certainly they knew God and what he had said and enjoyed but what if there was something more? They would have consulted God with this dilemma first. They had no reason to doubt his goodness..yet FOMO won the day.

Then their eyes were opened and when they heard the Lord they hid out of fear. Then they feared taking responsibility and feared God and started to cast blame around. Fear prompts a whole host of behaviors and thoughts that are sinful..but the genesis may always be fear. Certainly fear is good in some instances as an alert..but if our response generally speaking is love then we are never filled with angst or fear. No matter what the consequences are.

So now to the personal. I would venture to say that most people on a superficial level think I am a fairly courageous woman. And to some degree I do believe I have been blessed with this gift thru temperament and circumstance. 

However, what appears as courage sometimes...not all the time of course..is under laden with fear. When I am doing something that I believe is Gods will then it is much easier to be courageous. But when the motivation turns to my own needs as the primary focus...well for sure that can be fear.

I tend to be fairly proactive with friends but sometimes it is to be in control of how much company I have. I fear the silence sometimes. I fear finding out what happens if I don't do this. Thankfully, Covid has afforded the luxury of more submissiveness and humility. Probably traits that need a bit more attention in my temperament. 

I also tend to use my reasoning and detachment as means of protecting myself. I fear rejection and I fear being taken advantage of..I fear caring deeply and hurting deeply. But alas..this where this Advent is a huge blessing. The adventure has led me outside my comfort zone of control and fear..trusting God and letting him lead but doing so with trepidation at times. But there are many moments and in particular now...that I feel this sense of hope and joy that makes it easier to be open to God and his love and then in turn be loving in my actions.

Reading the Magnificat Companion, the book given out by my Parish named the Hidden Power of Kindness and praying and also praying the rosary  have been a huge blessing for me. Having faith and letting time and Grace happen is also a huge blessing.  The reward is that this adventure has led me to a deeper peace, a deeper joy and a deeper love.

And that is more than I have dared hope for in Advents past.  Christmas is coming....are you ready? Are you ready for transformative miracles? No matter what the outcome of the days are whether joyful, sorrowful or a mixture of both..we always have the choice to say no to fear and yes to love. May the serenity that surpasses our understanding bless you during these last few days of Advent and give you the deepest joy in opening your heart to remembering the miracle of God becoming human...in the form of baby Jesus. 

Advent is a truly a miraculous adventure.

AdventURE

This for Christians is undoubtedly one of the more joyous times of the calendar. Anticipating the incarnation of God and what that means is cause for celebration. It is my hope as I relate my personal journey that you can see yourselves in parts and come a greater understanding of who you are and who God is intending you to be.

This Advent season for me had me desire to be closer to God and to love and I finally went to my first ever spiritual direction meeting. For me it was enlightening as it had me assess where my spiritual life was and my current practices and relationship with God and where I want to go. Wow where I want to go. Where do I want to go?

First I can take that literally and say heaven. However, I took it personally..I looked at Jesus on the crucifix and knew what I always wanted was to get as close to Him as possible in this life. Many detours and distractions come every day..and so it takes a conscious effort for me to go back to the goal. There are more moments of silence than I care to admit. Waiting at the checkout line, driving, working out, reading, waiting for an audition. waiting while on shoot,..waiting for you can fill in the blank. In my daily life I do and wait. If I get in the habit of inviting Jesus in the wait, I will then take him into the do.

Oftentimes I have my goals based on my highest desires and that is good. I can stick to those goals if my heart is truly in it..but sometimes with time I find my heart wants something else more and I realign. Whether I stick to some goals or realign others...we have to have patience and perseverance as the choices of others and God's handiwork unfolds. 

I know many times some of my frustrations are with things not going according to my plan. When I set my plan but relinquish control of it to God then I am open to better possibilities. Those possibilities could lead to me to my goal or other goals I did not know were important to me. I can still persevere with my original goal and am learning that it does not all have to happen now and it will all work itself out anyway. As long as my goal is truly something I desire in essence a very high desire that I will meet at all costs then it will happen...if something else is more important than that is an indication that there are limits to my desire. But I learn and reassess and realign. My goal is to eventually have all facets and goals of my life align with what God has in mind for me.

This Advent for me is about planning, waiting and relinquishing control as I get closer to  Jesus and to God. And I am finding that approaching Advent in this way, has led me to the great mystery and that makes it the ultimate AdventURE.