Where the Heart is

Funny to be publishing this on St.Patrick's day. But it is certainly a celebration of the heart for the Irish and those adopted Irish who celebrate His feast day.

This month has certainly been joyous for my heart. Sometimes we are led to a path out of challenge, or an intense desire or a logical next step. The beauty is that eventually if that path poses challenges against where your heart really is…where your heart is will eventually win.

Of course this applies to romance but that is not the focus of this blog. I will add a few lines about romance though as here to I learned a lot about while in LA. I learned tat where you heart really is is eventually revealed. You just have to give it time.

Thats why when it is not love but need, desire or attachment or any combination thereof it is always best to let it go. Where-ever your heart really is will win out anyway and it will be clear. You give yourself and the other person a gift, and you grow and move on to the possibility of real love happening. And if your heart is free and open it will happen.

So where is my heart? It's in the bay and with my home. I fought that as long as I could, wanting to give the acting in LA a real chance. I did for as long as I could. It's not easy turning your back on a door when it is just opening up but I just could not "live or love" there any longer. With time how LA fits into my life will become apparent.

The blessings that happened while I was in LA are so vast that I can't count them all. I met some very kind and gentle souls, I have an amazing agent in LA now, I participated in a bunch of short films and had a lead role for the first time. I put my reel together and made good contacts. I had amazing and heart breaking experiences there and I would not trade them.  My experiences in LA has caused a unique growth. However, for now I have gone where my heart is, and I feel much contentment and peace.

In our journey in this life God's will becomes apparent in the doors He opens and closes repeatedly. In that moment to moment journey we embrace the ups and the downs knowing that with time His will will become apparent and where the heart is.

Confession is Good for the Soul

This was penned a while ago and I have added and edited a bit.   

As we enter into ordinary time after celebrating Corpus Christi where we as Catholics not only accept but celebrate and are grateful and humbled in Jesus hard saying take eat my body and drink my blood. John 6: 53-60. We are reminded of that special and most precious grace of receiving the Eucharist. 

Another grace and a habit I incorporated during Lent that yielded lots of good fruit was Confession or in the Church they call it Reconciliation. As Jesus said whose sins you forgive are forgiven and whose sins you retain are retained. John 20:21-23

Aside from feeling a weight lifted once you confess, I found also a grace in getting help to become better or holier.

We all have shortcomings that are part and parcel of who we are but it is good to recognize that and what pushes the buttons and how you can manage them the next time it happens.

I am not very proud of my two weaker attributes. One is my temper and the other my stubbornness. Channeled properly this can fuel action and gives courage when needed but not channeled properly it can leave some pretty ruffled feathers and wreak havoc on me and in turn God when I become frustrated at repeated attempts to fill my needs.

A book called Rediscovering Catholicism by Matthew Kelly has been floating around the Parishes during Christmas and Easter. It is mainly geared toward lapsed Catholics..you know the ones  that only go at Christmas and Easter. However, I found a lot of things that apply to me. Conversion is a slow and painful process...especially for those of us who are stubborn.:-)

I started reading it and found some great wisdom in it. I particularly liked the section on Confession and the struggles we have with it. The excuses we come up with are kind of funny. Well why do I have to go to a priest to confess when I can go straight to God? Or, I will only confess to a random priest that does not know me. As if the priest will think less of you if he does.

Mr. Kelly points out astutely that if we don't confess to a priest, we rarely will do it on our knees. Also, confessing to someone who knows you is more beneficial because they do know you and can help counsel you...especially when you struggle with the same issues. He made a great analogy. You don't go to a doctor you don't know when you are sick. You prefer someone who knows you so they know your history. The same would apply to a physician of the soul.

For me the priest who is getting to know me and is my regular confessor now is also my spiritual director. Because he knows my aspirations, dreams and heart ache..my confessions with him are powerful.

A few weeks ago,  I confessed my temper tantrum..my anger with God and how badly I treated myself and I balled. I was not only sorry, I know God loves me and that I love Him. 

Having someone well formed in the faith, like my spiritual director, who knows the difference between attachment and healthy relationships and the sanctity of a marital union has helped me feel validated and at least intellectually aware that I made the right decisions moving on in my recent relationships. It is just a sad fact it takes the heart a long time to catch up with that. I pray with God's grace that it will soon be free again. But in the meantime my heart has potent energy for the roles that will come my way with my artistic craft of acting.

Many blessing are now taking place because my focus is primarliy on the art now.

It is true, you dream, you set goals and you move forward...if it be God's will the doors will open. And if your dream and passion are strong enough and align with what God made you for and what he wants from you, you will wait a very long time for your dream to materialize..waiting on God and His will and His timing.

As a side note since that confession a few weeks ago...my heart has caught up, and I am so truly grateful there is now room at the inn.:-) God's grace is powerful....powerful indeed.

Let us remind ourselves to "Be patient for I am GOD and I do things for the good of you"...and avail ourselves to the graces of confession when we fall short and the grace to become better because...Confession is Good for the Soul.