Merry Christmas

It has been a while since I have been inspired to write. 2023 was a very challenging year for me..filled with lots of unique experiences...different choices than I normally make and much painful growth. A lot of the time I closed my heart sometimes without intention and sometimes with. But that has led me to writing this day.I have never chosen to write about the birthday that changed the world  and doing it on  Christ's actual birthday.

A lot of peace permeates me now as I write this. There is a lot of  misinformation surrounding the celebration of December 25th as the actual day of Christ's birth. If you want to know more about that here is a link--https://www.catholic.com/magazine/online-edition/why-december-25

This holy day has become a holiday with the symbols of gifts, which the wise men were bearing, Christmas trees ( tree of life, evergreen tree symbolizing eternal life believing in Jesus) writing cards (which seems to be just a recent custom replacing letters) and Santa Claus ( Saint  Nicholas who had legendary habit of secret gift-giving gave rise to the traditional model of Santa Claus ("Saint Nick") through Sinterklaas.)

This day marks the day The word of God became flesh. This year for me had me pause more than other years to think and feel what that means. Too much emotion, anticipation and expectation flooded past Christmases with family, friends and significant others. This year those elements were certainly there but I was also more peaceful. This year three attempts to schop down a Christmas tree met with odd interruptions that prevented it from happening. A tradition I had for 20 plus years. From that flowed the decision to skip sending Chrstmas cards this year...something I had done since I was 25.  I chose to spend it in LA with new experiences and with new acquaintances. And even that came with signs making it easy for me to choose. 

Life has its challenges and crosses and I thank God for the days filled with grace. Hope is the antidote to most of our ills..for it brings joy. Hope in this life and hope in the afterlife and resurrection. All is possible and the hurdles we must jump to get there makes us not only stronger but more appreciative of the blessing.

These next twelve days I promise to open my heart again and bring love and joy to people and creatures that cross my path. I opened my heart to my cat Emma..almost gave her up. Bringing the medical records and hearing her reactions and fate as well as discussing what really is required to have her live a normal cat life. I guess a life on meds for her is not all bad when faced with the alternative.

If you are joyful and blessed this Christmas I am happy for you and give thanks. If you are somewhere in between or worse than that...My heart breaks for you and my hope is that you find the joy in what Jesus birthday really means and the blessings that will flow from there.

God coming into this world as one of us  means we can overcome as well albeit with falls along the way. Salvation history would not be continuing if we did not have a purpose in it. You have a purpose in it...in what seems immediate and apparent and what is not apparent.

Merry Christmas!

In Anticipation of the Holiest of Nights

As we approach Christmas Day....Christmas Eve is that night of wonder. The night of anticipation as the wise men headed toward the Messiah the King of Kings...wrapped in swaddling clothes.

A beautiful helpless baby awaits in Bethelehem. I am sure this baby-God was different and special. I wonder how developed his motor skills were and what kind of assimilation HE had.

I say this because I as a mere mortal have many memories of being a baby. I have memories of seeing and feeling my arms gyrating about as I had little control over them. I remember feeling as if my head had some cotton in it.

I remember many cynical thoughts and the desire to control my environment and my body.

So how was my Lord? I can't even begin to imagine. John the Baptist lept in Elizabeth's womb at perceiving Jesus at scarcely what  was weeks or 1 to 2 months old in Mary's womb.

Amazing facts were relayed in oral tradition and the written, but they are not unfathomable. This holy night makes me reflect on how Mary gave birth. Without a hospital or a midwife, she gave birth. How was this childbirth different and how was it the same?

So many questions about the holiest night that ever was. When God became Man. He started differently, with no male DNA but a heavenly one had begotten him. He had Mary's DNA and her DNA was not typical either. As Catholic's we believe she was immaculately conceived. The only human to be since the fall. And this so she could house God in man. True man and True God...something simple and yet hard to comprehend.

But this miracle was our biggest Joy. We saw God act in the flesh. We saw him heal, raise the dead, pray fervently, commune with sinners and teach with parables, with authority and humility. We saw him finally embrace the ultimate sacrifice of love. Not just death, but humiliation, emotional, physical mental and spiritual suffering. Thru that act he triumphed and we win because of it.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Tonight we await. The birth of a babe, a sweet, dependent and humble baby. We await that magical moment of mother and child embracing and Joseph hovering in protection. Joseph was destined to be Jesus adoptive father...the lineage predicted it so.

And so this most holy of nights, I reflect on this holy family and I am so grateful and humbled at all their faith and sacrifice. Their love for God, prepared them to love each other and have the most awesome responsibility and privilege to take care of and nurture their Savior.

And Love does that doesn't it? It saves us, it redeems us. If Salvation came thru a babe, then we are now the heirs. We are now responsible and privileged to help continue the salvific and redemptive plan. As we graft ourselves to HIM, we continue HIS work.

And what a wondrous start as we are born again in remembering HIS birth and waiting in awe, vulnerability and humility. We are graced to witness God and HIS Love with unspeakable joy. May this awe filled and holy Christmas Eve grace us with the gift of deep abiding Salvific and Redemptive Love. 

May we continue HIS plan, HIS play, HIS art in the unfolding drama and joy that Love is. Let us humbly await and embrace the Great "I am" in preparation to follow and surrender to his Lead of Love with even deeper grace In Anticipation of the Holiest of Nights.

A Measure of Our Passion

This week, as almost all my weeks this year, has been full of daily surprises and joys. That is because I am getting back in touch and following childhood passions, and most importantly letting God lead the way. Wednesday, I reflected a lot on passion. It was the day I was one of hundreds of extras in the Matt Damon film "Contagion".

It was a painful day. I can think of little worse than waiting around all day in a state of constant ambiguity. The surroundings consisted of a large tent where we were housed in and picnic tables and benches for us to eat and sit. Outside the sun, rain and wind seemed to rhythmically dance all day. Our redemption was plenty of chips, cookies, bagels, fruit, and coffee and drinks.

Yet, hundreds of people were choosing to endure all of this. While waiting, some talked to the crew, some talked to others they were sitting next to, and some even laid their heads on the picnic tables to sleep. Why? We were getting paid but it wasn't much. Was it a fascination with perhaps getting discovered? Was it the thrill of being in a major movie no matter how small the part? Was it a chance at getting to see someone famous? Was it the thrill of a new experience and the adrenalin of the unknown? Perhaps, all of these and more were the reasons for the hundreds that were there.

The sacrifices I made seem to pale given some of the stories I heard. One gal was missing her sister's 30th birthday, and seem to war a bit with it. I heard of another woman who came all the way from Sonoma, had rented a motel room told all her friends she was going to be in the film and was terribly excited. All this for what? They and a lot us were never filmed. The weather, the unpredictability and the organic nature of shooting a film makes this the case sometimes.

Amazingly, up until the point we were told filming was done for the day, most everyone was patient, civil and I dare say happy to be there. I began to think and talk about our incredible patience. Are we near as patient on the road, waiting in line at the store, waiting in most any occasion? I don't think so. So our passion allows us to endure, sacrifice and, yes, even suffer for that we which we desire.

This is a good starting point to the query of what is passion? Some common examples are romantic passion, creative passion and Christ's passion. Their difference seems obvious, but is there a thread that's the same?

To begin to answer this perhaps we should start by researching the origin of the word passion. According to wikepedia, the etymological origins of the word lie in the Greek verb paschō, to suffer. The Latin word passio[2] is used with reference to Christ's mortal suffering in the Vulgate. Here, the Greek and Latin roots refer to suffering and Christ's suffering respectively.

Now lets look at Merriam-Webster's modern definition of passion; (Often capitalized) a : the sufferings of Christ between the night of the Last Supper and his death; b : an oratorio based on a gospel narrative of the Passion; 2 obsolete : suffering; 3 : the state or capacity of being acted on by external agents or forces; 4 a (1) : emotion (2) plural : the emotions as distinguished from reason b : intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction c : an outbreak of anger; 5 a : ardent affection : love b : a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept c : sexual desire d : an object of desire or deep interest.

Number 2 is interesting. This original definition of passion meaning suffering is now obsolete. But is it? Number 3 happened as we waited on possibly being filmed as an extra in the movie. We were acted upon by external agents or forces. 4 and 5 are common uses of the word passion. Emotions that are distinguished from reason. It follows that this emotion/ feeling/conviction is intense, driving and overmastering. It would have to be in order for it to overpower your reason. By virtue of this definition our passions can cause suffering because they subvert reason and impel us to surrender and endure the consequences. I have to laugh given the story I started out with.

Passion by its very nature makes us endure things we normally would not want to. Christ endured because of his Love for God and us. He chose and surrendered to His father's will. When we love or feel passionately about someone or something, we endure. We are long suffering, patient, driven and surrender to the higher call. It seems obvious what we choose to surrender to is of great implication not only to ourselves but others. It is also seems obvious we suffer with whatever passion our heart leads us to choose.

The good news is passion allows us to happily endure because the end is so desired. Our passion creates meaning in our lives and make us feel alive. Passion keeps us coming back despite obstacles. Whether we are being rejected by a date or friend, repeatedly failing to make a project come to fruition, or are faced with the repeated choice of having to die to some form of self for a higher call, the question remains the same. Do we keep pursuing the object of our affection or do we turn elsewhere? In answering our question, turn to God who created our passions. It is not that we desire too much but, often, that we desire too little. In surrendering, let Him increase the measure of our passion.

Designed to Give

Most of us have heard of the seemingly trite saying it is better to give than to receive. Some of us already know this is true but some of us may not believe this is so. Its embarrassing to be immersed in a time where we focus on the receiving. We are lauded for looking out for ourselves. Perhaps one of the worst forms of focusing on the receiving is when you ask questions like what kind of presents am I getting? How much attention am I getting? How much love am I being shown? You focus on this too much and you can create a living hell.

Focusing on the receiving can be more subtle as well. Sometimes we don't want to put ourselves out by traveling too far or having to deal with uncomfortable circumstances unless remuneration is involved. In this culture, sometimes, we are looking for a windfall or take advantage of the goodwill of a friend. We want to negotiate the best terms at work, in relationship or with something we purchase or services we seek. So what are the fruits of this focus? When we succeed, although it may seem like we are winning, are we really satisfied? The questions can come..could I have gotten more? What else could I have gotten or what can I get next? You see the gap between more and infinity is so huge..you will never catch up!:-) Such is the plight of focusing on the receiving.

There are two types of giving as well, namely, the reciprocated and the charitable give. Examples of the charitable give do not include the tax-benefited Good Will donation:-.) Examples of the reciprocated kind are an exchange of gifts or alternating visits or dinners or anything that involves some equal give and take. Exchanging Christmas presents is nice, but that's not really what happened that first Christmas back in Bethlehem. The three wise men came bearing gifts. I don't remember them saying anything about Mary and Joseph giving gifts back let alone the baby Jesus doing so.

This past Christmas I sent Christmas cards, exchanged Christmas gifts, and celebrated in the company of friends. All of it was enjoyable including the giving and the receiving. However, deciding to volunteer at Little Sisters of the Poor and then magically and spontaneously deciding to pack some gifts for the residents there ended up being the most joyous part of my entire Christmas.

There are a variety of reasons why this might be. For one my giving was unexpected and assuredly unreciprocated. The only judgement and reaction to my gifts was one of surprise and gratitude. I gave without pretense and the motivation came straight from my heart. Not that this wasn't the case when I gave to family or friends but I did think a lot about how the gift will be received. I also at the very least thought subconsciously about what I may or may not receive. I'm sure I gave freely and lightly to the Little Sisters of the Poor for these and probably many other reasons.

Giving is a symbol of what we value, and it is obviously more than material. It can be in the form of our time, our care, our finances, our service and our love. Of course cultivating and caring for family and friends is important and in many ways more challenging than charitable giving. However, after my experience this past Christmas, I have to wonder if we are designed to receive the greatest joy in unreciprocated giving. And if so then why not share this joy with family and friends and invite them to celebrate in this joyous reality. Who knows it may even strengthen those bonds.

As we embark on the post Christmas season marked in our faith as ordinary time, let us take this joy and spread it throughout the year. Lets share it with those most dear to us. Let us always remind ourselves that the greatest joy is when we do what we are designed to do. And as God showed us through Christ, it may be that we are also designed to give.

A cultural affair

My trip to Peru was an eye opening experience in more ways than one. When one lives alone, one can analyze and tweak one's world view with spiritual exercises or a in a variety of other ways. However, when one is another culture, another continent and country, in a sub dominant language where your family's world view takes precedence..your world can turn upside down.

It's ironic one misses family when in that family all of you individually and collectively simply don't allow the other person to be who they really are. It's almost as if your personality in this particular group morphs into something scarcely recognizable. Somehow I knew this reality would come to pass prior to my trip as I sighed before my departure. My roommate commented and said whats wrong aren't you excited to go and I said yes but....

Now don't get me wrong, the trip in all aspects was amazing. Its just for me to be in some primitive cave woman like existence even for brief moments causes severe psychic pain for me. How could I be dishonest, suspicious and more unsatisfied then satisfied in relationship in a few weeks than I normally am in several months? It's both humbling and humiliating. I have to say we are challenged and experience the most opportunity for growth in intimate relationship whether with family or strangers.

So onto some pleasant experiences and surprises of my trip first. The first would have to be that when I was higher on the pecking order, my family helped out a lot with stuff I had to get done there. So much so that I became more demanding than most human beings have a right to be. Another hi-lite was having such a uniquely fun time at the wedding reception. There is a custom among the young adults with some means there to host a "hora loca" or crazy hour. I was skeptical at first with such a shenanigan but with a little, well more than a little, alcohol, it proved to be the most fun experience of the whole event.

These guys with funny makeup and costumes came out on stilts with long balloons to pass out. They encouraged havoc in dance and action and the spirits ran wild in good fun. I also had the opportunity to dance for 15 minutes plus with my 87 year old uncle. He had seen me dance down to the ground and slowly dance back up prior and proceeded to do the same more than a few times. I was impressed but also scared! To see the spirit of love rise in his heart and have faith in it was touching.

Another pleasant surprise was a response from a business owner whom I contracted some 10 sessions of treatment with. Because I became ill, I wasn't able to go past 4 sessions. I decided to talk with her regarding the situation and how we could resolve it. She immediately offered to give me a full refund, I protested since this was not fair, I had used 4 sessions. She agreed and quickly refunded me the 6 sessions. It was probably a combination of factors that led to her decision. Perhaps a main one was the goodwill established by my cousin being a frequent customer of hers. I was grateful and thankful that such professionalism existed despite the tales of woe about business and strangers my family had filled my head with. The first story came as soon as I landed in Lima.

Lastly, my trip to Cuzco and the Inca trail was amazing. The challenges started early. I had a fever the night before my trip and after the first easy day of the hike, I lost part of a dental filling. As I troubleshooted what to do with others help, I decided to persevere and finish the trail. Coughing and only able to use one side of my mouth, I joked that even under these circumstances one can hike the great elevations of the Andes. My trip ended with a wonderful surprise as the dentist I found was competent, had state of the art equipment, was over the top compassionate in administering the injection, was not pushy in rendering other services and in the end became a friend. We parted in the typical Latin goodbye with a kiss on the cheek.

These experiences saved me from the chaos of the cultural affair I was in. As I mentioned earlier I became ill. This happened at the wedding reception. The evening was breezy and chilly and this landed me with a rather severe cold. The end of my trip with family saw me in bed more often than not where fever visited and revisited me. There are few events aside from physical illness for me when I become so egocentric that every lapse of attention and care causes me to recoil. This certainly was exacerbated due to an earlier experience where my patience ran thin with a dinner episode that had me at the end of the pecking order. The fact that I responded in primitive form left everyone all the worse for the experience.

Another humbling experience happened on the Inca trail. In my handicapped state, I was searching for my camera through my backpack and was unable to find it. I searched three times taking just about everything from the pack and opening every zipper. I searched the tent. I then thought perhaps my tent mate had by mistake put it away in her pack since I last remembered it being in the tent. After this failed, I gave into suspicion and thought well someone had to take it..since it didn't just disappear. As illogical as this was, I was perplexed as to what could have happened with the camera. Well my suspicion caught fire by remembering others prior complaints, and I caused an uproar at campsite. After checking all the porters and feeling badly this had to happen, I finally asked to receheck my backpack. This time I took out everything and in a hidden compartment, our trail guide felt a protrusion that seemed like a camera and he finally located the secret zipper. How embarrassing to have caused so much angst among everyone.

This experience can be excused a little more due to the crazy circumstances and being thrust among strangers. In familial or longterm and close friendship, one would think, however, that when you know people well enough and they know you...that you could somehow navigate past the landmines. We think it would be nice if we such perfect control over our will in moments of confusion or doubt. But we don't and I am thankful we don't, because that's how we grow and how we can respond with love.

That love sometimes has to have space, reflection and a seed planted in our heart. That seed for me is so evident but in my cultural chaos I couldn't even think of it. That seed is to see Christ in everyone. I have been graced with the response to His love. And with that grace the seed has begun sprouting. What joy amidst chaos when this seed will one day explode into a passion in our heart. It may not always prevent us from experiencing and reacting to disappointment or pain or loneliness in this world. However, it can transport us to a joy that surpasses those experiences.

May we all grow in Love and in relationship. And may we reflect this Christmas season on the great gift of Christ taking human form to save us by showing us how to Love. And may that Love transport us past all the variations in life which become our cultural affairs.