Redemption is What God Hopes for Us

Do you want to get to know someone? Observe how they are as a fan..or how they feel about fans. Something impressed me about Yankees fans. Despite being down 2 and 0 in the playoffs and their manager making a big mistake in game 2, and the fact they are not the best team in the league..their fans were all in. Perhaps its because they have and have had the wealth to acquire talent and they have had so many winning teams. Perhaps. 

I have a Boston Red Sox fan friend who threw his team under the bus because his team was not morally perfect and did not play with the passion he thought they should. Because his team looked bad in the first two games..he proceeded to tear my Cubs down.

I have another friend who thought baseball players made too much and it was not worth the money. He was a fan for his own enjoyment but in the end he was only a fan of himself.

Then their was a moral/spiritual acquaintance who thought he was the oracle of correct moral behavior and knew the mind of God and judged fans and sports figures as people who are irresponsible and plugged out of reality and distracting themselves out of correct behavior and the ladder as irrelevant and irreverent if their behavior did not agree with his view of correct behavior and reality.

And then of course their are Cub fans...who until last year always were pessimistic but knew logically one day that day of redemption would come. I don't know how I knew but I knew last year was it. Even in the most dire of circumstances..I just knew. That phrase just knowing is a religious experience I believe. I have heard people when they find the right person to marry..they say they just knew. It can be any circumstance...landing a big job or knowing something is wrong without recognizing the evidence immediately.

It could be the blink aspect ( Blink: The power of thinking with out thinking by Malcolm Gladwell) except of course when you have not seen anything. It is unusual to experience this and the reason I call it a religious experience is because it almost does seem like God has willed this particular outcome. Many times this does not happen...if it happened all the time then we would not learn from our choices I believe.

I as a fan observe and assess the pro and cons of each player, of the team synergy..of the managers quirks, strengths and failings. There are things that annoy me more than others, and I do see a very important component of a player or teams success as mental. I guess just like most of life is. It also has made me shake to the core to realize that I either facilitate or hinder my own success in my own personal endeavors. I have recognized that the deeper the dream..the more I fear.

Ironic that being a fan can enlighten me in this way. Its like baseball is a mirror for our spiritual war but the consequences are not as drastic. Their is no war where people die or behaviors that damage or destroy relationships.

So if you want to learn about yourself a bit more..reflect on what kind of a fan you are or how you feel about fans. In the end being a good fan and a good player in life is a gift that we can mature and grow into. And that redemption is certainly what God hopes for all of us.

Division's Spiritual Purpose

I can't recall an election nor an outcome that has stirred as many thoughts and emotions as this last one. The divisions were stark and they seem to be taking on new life.

Before I get into a view of the spiritual meaning behind unity and division, I wanted to explore what happened with me and where I am at. I am hoping that perhaps both you and I can be enlightened in the process.

As most know and can ascertain by reading my blog, I lean right. It is perhaps a combination of the way I was raised, how I was formed by the things I read and studied, my life experience and my temperament.  That being said, I found President Trump as a candidate..one of the most distasteful people to ever run for office.  Ideology aside, I found his behavior and words in both business and in his personal life to be vile and self serving.

As things revealed became more outrageous, I lost patience with those that supported Trump as a means to stop Clinton or because he was pro-life or the supreme court justice or...you get the picture.They were so strongly anchored that it really did permit him to do or say anything and people would still support him.

I found such irrationalness even in California. I tried to reason with people that despite how you may feel about Hillary's character and ideology..she was going to win California period. So why not vote for someone whose character is far better than Trump's and whose ideology you would also agree with. I suggested a conservative independent candidate, Evan McMullin.

No..they burrowed in irrationally that voting for an independent is a throw away vote. I tried to make them see that voting for Trump in California is a throw away vote...Hillary would win California and it would not be close. They critiqued the independent candidates policy as if Trump's policies were 100% in line with their viewpoints...they were not.

In the end, for me I could not support someone who supported him. It caused me to divide as I felt by respecting them their choice and freedom..I was enabling them. I felt that strongly about how immoral this choice was. And I joined the left and other moral right leaning friends in fighting against Trump. To be fair and purely for ideological reasons...I fought against Obama in 2008. How odd for me to voting against someone's character this time around.

Fast forward to election night, and I was shell shocked that Trump won. I literally felt it to be a voter rebellion against the status quo. They gave an immoral at best and near criminal in his business practices at worst
and his treatment of the weaker and women, a free pass to the presidency.

After the shock, my right leaning brain slowly but surely saw the potential benefits that could transpire with this election. With that mindset and also the respect for voter will even if it is against my own..I started making peace with the outcome. Though Trump's ideology was not consistently right..it was more so than the last 8 years. 

I began to see positives in his character like his work ethic and the value and relationship he has with his family. To be fair the egotism and thin skinned character flaws did not disappear...but I took it in stride like dealing with a petulant child. As long as laws were not broken or past indiscretions revived..I would be ok with him as President. I gave him a clean slate..the office merited it.

I understand the fear people have...I had it too before the election and had it with President Obama. But I also saw really good changes despite many mistakes and ideological differences in Obama's presidency. I even wrote to him to reconsider some ideological view points. Whether it was he or a staffer that responded, I was heartened that he did. It was a political answer to be sure but it still felt good to be heard.

I wrote him with respect while admiring his passion for the poor and disadvantaged. I could and would rise beyond the disagreements. I am not quite there with President Trump because as much as he has already done ..he has not accomplished anything yet. But I am hoping for the best and will engage him if need be.

I guess this is the beauty of being an American and a Christian. You fight for what you feel is right, you sacrifice if need be but you also respect and engage the President. I do see the value in protest sometimes but to be honest...sometimes I see it is an infantilism. 

We don't always get what we want and rehashing the same thing when it is past and gone seems to cling to a reality that simply does not exist. 

Which brings me to division again. Spiritually, Jesus called us to united in vision and action in HIM. And yet he did bring division. He asked his disciples to give up family, job and a way of life and eventually their own life. It makes sense if HE is saving us from sin, death and bringing life, joy and healing. If HE is the author of life it seems and all humanity..not choosing HIM seems self destructive. And yet after that choice has been made..you are to now be unified.

Perhaps it is too simplistic to say that when Christians were divided this election cycle..their allegiance was not Jesus but their view of what Christian principles dictate or what someone in authority said that convinced them they were in the right. I think it is a helpful exercise to examine and be honest about one's true allegiance. It looks like getting closer to God will reveal it as stated in Hebrews 4:12

Whatever our collective motivations are what we can agree on is that we are way more divisive than not. And what perhaps divides us is our fearful allegiance to our self, our family or group. We all feel comfortable with our viewpoint and value system and we see others as trying to rob us of that.

And perhaps if our allegiance was really Jesus and God then we would shake the dust off our shoes to those that shun our message and say peace be unto this person, family and group.

Division's spiritual purpose can be light or dark. The nice thing is the Victor has already shown us the way...divisions dark forces sometimes bring about the greatest light and example of love.

In the Chaos, Surrender to the Process of Redemption

I wonder how often we trust in a paradigm that simply does not work. I think it happens often in life and we either change or ignore it.

In the past, I have often thought why do people live a life that more often than not brings chaos into their life. Perhaps for some their personality type or life experience or both leads them to skirt the potential danger..almost as a thrill.

On the other hand, some of us because of our personality type and life experience..mistrust people and ourselves so much we bury ourselves in religious practice. Sometimes we truly want to find and get close to God, but more often we care to admit if we are honest we are running from something too.

In any case, it seems we often encounter things that just don't line up with how we think things should work. And if you continue down a path rationalizing long enough...sometimes God just throws a monkey wrench so severe you can no longer continue on the same path.

Those who have known me the longest know I can tend to be stubborn and loyal to a fault. These attributes do have their plus side for sure. But I have also been blessed with analyzing myself, others and things the way they work.

To be sure no amount of praying, bargaining, saving and a false sense of security will ever shield you from who you are. The beauty is you can change if you want to. You just have to be ready to see things and  finally change a pattern that simply does not work. 

God most assuredly talks to us in still moments but he also talks to us thru other people. Thru other people can be jarring. Sometimes it is too much or over exaggerated but make no mistake the is value is still there.

Without adversity and people checking us, we don't grow. And realistically we are loved and love few people enough to put the energy in to work it out when it gets very messy. We love and are loved by few who will do what it takes to amend and get past it. More often than not if you are willing..it just takes time.

I think the beauty of this life is that your capacity to be in those situations of being loved and loving gets better. We gain a better capacity to do it. I am of course talking about relationships that are longer term and close. 

Although valuable, being a Mother Theresa and catering to the dying or fighting with the opposition, or dealing in a hierarchical structure is an unequal relationship and  often a very temporary one as well. Charity and altruism is beautiful but most of us can only pull that off when we are just in the right mental space and it is temporary.

The longer term closer relationship with all these images of God are much more challenging. It is almost as if if you can't love your neighbor, you can't really recognize God's love and providence. 

It is not about being perfect with every reaction as somehow God graces you with how to react with every situation but it is just about being honest. The struggle is real and it never ends but thats the joy really..letting go of our desire for perfection or apathy and caring enough about yourself and others to make it thru.

And I think that is where I need to grow next. It is really relying on God's providence because it all works out in the end..even when we pass. It's messy and evil sometimes but somehow God's love redeems all of it. Even the weak, messy and evil inside of us. Because that part is always us taking control instead of surrendering to Him and the needs he puts before us in inconvenient times. When we succeed in those tests..we feel closer to Him and when we fail..we have a choice. The first is to rationalize and harden your heart. The second is to face it..amend it if you can and in the chaos surrender to the process of redemption.

Confession is Good for the Soul

This was penned a while ago and I have added and edited a bit.   

As we enter into ordinary time after celebrating Corpus Christi where we as Catholics not only accept but celebrate and are grateful and humbled in Jesus hard saying take eat my body and drink my blood. John 6: 53-60. We are reminded of that special and most precious grace of receiving the Eucharist. 

Another grace and a habit I incorporated during Lent that yielded lots of good fruit was Confession or in the Church they call it Reconciliation. As Jesus said whose sins you forgive are forgiven and whose sins you retain are retained. John 20:21-23

Aside from feeling a weight lifted once you confess, I found also a grace in getting help to become better or holier.

We all have shortcomings that are part and parcel of who we are but it is good to recognize that and what pushes the buttons and how you can manage them the next time it happens.

I am not very proud of my two weaker attributes. One is my temper and the other my stubbornness. Channeled properly this can fuel action and gives courage when needed but not channeled properly it can leave some pretty ruffled feathers and wreak havoc on me and in turn God when I become frustrated at repeated attempts to fill my needs.

A book called Rediscovering Catholicism by Matthew Kelly has been floating around the Parishes during Christmas and Easter. It is mainly geared toward lapsed Catholics..you know the ones  that only go at Christmas and Easter. However, I found a lot of things that apply to me. Conversion is a slow and painful process...especially for those of us who are stubborn.:-)

I started reading it and found some great wisdom in it. I particularly liked the section on Confession and the struggles we have with it. The excuses we come up with are kind of funny. Well why do I have to go to a priest to confess when I can go straight to God? Or, I will only confess to a random priest that does not know me. As if the priest will think less of you if he does.

Mr. Kelly points out astutely that if we don't confess to a priest, we rarely will do it on our knees. Also, confessing to someone who knows you is more beneficial because they do know you and can help counsel you...especially when you struggle with the same issues. He made a great analogy. You don't go to a doctor you don't know when you are sick. You prefer someone who knows you so they know your history. The same would apply to a physician of the soul.

For me the priest who is getting to know me and is my regular confessor now is also my spiritual director. Because he knows my aspirations, dreams and heart ache..my confessions with him are powerful.

A few weeks ago,  I confessed my temper tantrum..my anger with God and how badly I treated myself and I balled. I was not only sorry, I know God loves me and that I love Him. 

Having someone well formed in the faith, like my spiritual director, who knows the difference between attachment and healthy relationships and the sanctity of a marital union has helped me feel validated and at least intellectually aware that I made the right decisions moving on in my recent relationships. It is just a sad fact it takes the heart a long time to catch up with that. I pray with God's grace that it will soon be free again. But in the meantime my heart has potent energy for the roles that will come my way with my artistic craft of acting.

Many blessing are now taking place because my focus is primarliy on the art now.

It is true, you dream, you set goals and you move forward...if it be God's will the doors will open. And if your dream and passion are strong enough and align with what God made you for and what he wants from you, you will wait a very long time for your dream to materialize..waiting on God and His will and His timing.

As a side note since that confession a few weeks ago...my heart has caught up, and I am so truly grateful there is now room at the inn.:-) God's grace is powerful....powerful indeed.

Let us remind ourselves to "Be patient for I am GOD and I do things for the good of you"...and avail ourselves to the graces of confession when we fall short and the grace to become better because...Confession is Good for the Soul.