The Ultimate Joyous Meditation

Today marks the beginning of the most joyous 50 days in the Christian calendar, the Easter Season. We are to begin the festivities as the 40 day Lenten journey has come to a close. This Easter Triduum had me reflecting on all the events that led to the crowning victory of Jesus conquering sin and death, Satan's contribution, through Jesus resurrection. I reflected on my Lenten journey. I thought of Jesus prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” He repeated the same prayer in slightly different words 3 times. Despite the victory and joy He knew would come, the horror on so many levels he was about to face caused him to ask to want to skip this moment, and yet He acquiesced to God's will.

So what does this account of Jesus all giving love and triumphant glory have to do with us personally? Ok, its true He called us friends and we are created in the image of God. But what does that mean? Perhaps it means that we too ultimately have the same cries and can look forward to the same triumphs.

As I mentioned in last weeks blog, this has been a mysterious interruption for me. As I began the restorative justice ministry, I could not have foreseen that the other aspect of it, the healing and restitution of the victim would unexpectedly became very personal for me. Nor could I have foreseen that it would take front and center stage. Certainly, I had not planned it nor wanted to take it on to this extent. However, God has his own plans and design.

So why am I in Miami so abruptly? I have detail some background as I weave in the answer. My adoptive father's death in Miami almost 4 years ago was marred by tragedies too horrific to believe. His death was hidden, and due to a lag in communication I was only informed of it a year and a half ago. I was his only daughter and the shear shock and emotion caused me do all I could to uncover the how and why and rectify it as best I could. I could not believe given the past history of my adoptive father and I, that I would end up being his only advocate.

In late February of this year, as the criminal case slowly progressed, the civil case came to a screeching halt when my legal counsel abandoned the case. For weeks, I tried to secure alternate counsel by phone from California but to no avail. I finally hit my own wall and recognized I would either have to step it up or let it go. That first weekend in April came, and I was exhausted. So I turned I turned in prayer and asked if you want be to give up this civil battle I will.

The next week a lawyer called a second time to hear of my case. One thing led to another and she said to come right away as the statutes were expiring and her firm had decided to take the case on a limited basis. Prior to her communication, I had already weighed the decision to drop everything and go to Miami but I wanted to delay this til the end of May. This decision had me feeling unrest. The attorney's urgent request caused me to do a 180. After this decision, I woke up feeling peace the following morning.

Although, God had revealed to me that He wanted me in Miami, I knew the catalyst of what brought me out here, namely the attorney's request, was not going to be the end of why I was being brought out here. And so it was.

This past week was my Garden of Gethsemane. I foresaw that the attorney which brought me out to Miami, would abandon the case. Monday she officially did. So here I was having to scramble at the eleventh hour for substitute counsel, postponing the gathering of evidence and postponing assisting the overtaxed law enforcement and legal system. In my scrambling, I met with more attorneys whose fear, pragmatism and laziness would mirror both prior attorney's motivation, in differing aspects, in abandoning me and the case.

On Wednesday, in the midst of turmoil and exhaustion, in the midst of holy week, I still knew I was brought out here for a reason. The signs still kept pointing me to pursuing justice and restitution. Yet the cost on so many levels was great, and the intense agony led me to thoughts of what lay ahead. Too, I again questioned my own steps and motivations as my own outrage fueled me as I kept discovering all the events and participants that led to my own personal tragedy.

Yet the only peaceful answer I have found is in surrendering to God's will. So I cried first in tears and then in prayer, I pleaded again as I had while I was still in California, "I am ready to let this go and yet if it is still your will, please show me and your will be done".

The answer came in a whisper and then loud and clear the next day. Even though I had not planned to do this, doors opened that had been shut and I gathered more information with greater ease than at any other time prior. Aside from finally finding an alternate attorney, I recognized that he was the one I should choose. And, more importantly, I spoke with an attorney who had direct experience with the people who had stolen not only my adoptive father's assets and possibly his life but his dignity. This particular attorney had sued them prior representing other people who had not been paid for services rendered. The personal now had become more global.

Our heavenly Father's unconditional love manifests itself in a myriad of ways. When some of us are enslaved in passions such as greed and we get away with breaking the law in pursuit of those passions, we are rewarded to continue. This can not lead to a good end for anyone and least of all to those enslaved with this behavior. God's love, mercy and justice give all of us a chance to embrace redemption. However, that process has to start somewhere and oftentimes it starts with loving justice, the timeout to experience conversion and redemption. Of course there are no guarantees that this will happen but at least the opportunities are granted. And just as it takes a village to raise child, it takes a village to help someone commit crime and, also, to allow them to keep committing them.

I find it amazing as we enter the joy of the Easter Season how God can turn something as ugly as what Christ endured into something beautiful and redemptive. May we meditate on the meaning of justice, sacrifice, love and the ultimate joy and glory of the resurrection this Easter.

And in a personal way let us reflect on how the ugly in our own lives, can be transformed into something beautiful and redemptive as well, if we but follow God's will. This may be one of our ultimate joyous meditations.

A Graceful Timeout

Sorry for the long hiatus. I am in the midst of a mysterious interruption in my journey and am in Miami, Fl. The reason I am here is ironically tied to the most challenging ministry I started about 3 weeks ago.

About 10 years ago, I had my first wave of wanting to do prison ministry. They discouraged me from getting involved. Even writing letters was dangerous they said, since the prisoners could track my address and open me up to unwanted attention. I could use a PO Box I thought. So It didn't deter me, but in the end I was refused.

This time the inspiration came again during my confirmation classes last October. We were reflecting on a passage with the word "free" in it. Of course I fixated on that word. For me my freedom has been my most cherished gift. It has no doubt prevented me from committing to people and things my heart wasn't 100% in. It also is something I have sought to obtain through finances.

As I reflected on how much I LOVE my freedom, I thought of the antithesis, prison. Sure most of have prisons in our heads, some of which we are aware of and some which we are not. But I thought about those in physical prisons and their lack of freedom. I thought of Matthew 25 13-40 "and you visited me in prison." The desire to reach out came back again.

I inquired at my parish and was told about the restorative justice ministry through St. Vincent De Paul. After they told me of the various programs, I was specifically drawn to the youth ministry. http://www.svdp-sanmateoco.org/youth.html I also liked the aspect of ministering to and of restitution for the victims as part of the ministry cycle. I decided to pursue it upon my return of my trip to Peru in December.

After three months going through the application process, my first visit and training session was finally scheduled. As March 27, 2011 approached, I began to get very nervous and requested the prayers of various friends. I ended up accompanying Chaplain Martin Schurr to perform a communion service. And much to my my dismay, instead of visiting teenage girls we were escorted to the "roughest" teenage boys facility.

As we waited for the door to open, Chaplain Marty told me that we had no control over where we went and sometimes are even sent away. Wow..what a journey of faith! He told me there was a school, a court house, exercise area, and social workers all in this enclosed facility. There was no where to travel, you were in all purpose prison.

When we finally came in, I saw about 20-25 young men sitting in their fold out chairs. I didn't know what to expect, and I was uncharacteristically timid. Chaplain Marty did most of the talking and only had to call out once to stop some giggling.

Chaplain Marty began by telling his story. He came from a dysfunctional family. His father was an alcoholic who spent all his money on booze and never had enough money left over even to buy his son a new pair of shoes. His father's nickname for him was sh**head. His mother was very depressed and eccentric and would often be in pajamas all day. He was embarrassed and never brought any friends over and was angry for having to wear shoes with holes in them.

His pain and anger led him to choices that landed him in a juvenile detention center (JTC) like the one they were in. This ironically is where grace stepped in. Here he met Joe an older man who volunteered at the JTC. Joe was a very peaceful man, and Marty liked talking with him. With time Marty and Joe became friends, and Joe got him a job when Marty was released.

Then one day while working the "boss" yelled at Joe. Marty became very upset as his friend did not merit this treatment. He wanted to defend Joe and was going to show the boss a thing or two. Joe quickly asked Marty, do you really want to help me? Of course said Marty, and I am going to. No said Joe, if you really want to help me, lets pray for the "boss". Joe said the boss is probably stressed in trying to keep the business going, to be able to pay his employees etc.


Marty was shocked. He didn't agree or understand but followed Joe's request. Then Marty asked Joe why are you doing this? Joe told him he was Catholic and this was his faith. Slowly Chaplain Marty came to regard this man as a father and with time Marty made other choices that led him to enter religious life.

Marty said that if we choose to carry around anger and pain, then this will lead us to choices that will create more anger and pain. He cautioned them to really think about why they are here and to make other choices so that they don't end up in a real adult prison. Marty also told them just because you have an uncle or other family member there does not mean you are destined to go there. Your fate is in your hands.

I was riveted there listening and thinking why am I here? Chaplain Marty then introduced me and invited to share a little about myself. I told the boys I was from Chicago and had lost my mother at 16 and soon after was on my own. I told them that although I may not share their background, one thing I did share with them was feeling very angry as a youth and that I carried this anger for a long time. I shared with them that the only thing that melted that anger was love, and you can't love if you have never been loved. And even if they had not experienced love yet, that it was my hope that today was the beginning of their encounter with love. As I looked around, I was amazed to see that these simple words had opened some of their eyes and that they were looking at me and nodding in agreement.

In the service, Chaplain Marty ended up having me read most of the readings. I was amazed at how the holy spirit guided me through hick ups that invited the boys to "help" me. After the service, in this authentic and trusting moment, a couple of boys asked me questions about God's love. One in particular, Hector, shared some deeper personal struggles. I was moved. A lot seemed to stem around forgiveness; forgiving those who have hurt you and forgiving yourself.

The last thing I said to Hector, who was haunted by violent memories of his parents and voodoo practices of his family, was to pray because God's power overcomes anything. I added, God will put people in your path that will help you. He smiled and said like you and Chaplain Marty, and I nodded.

Injustice, hurt and evil are realities we all encounter one way or another. We can look at how we participate in creating these realities, and how we respond after we notice what has happened by our collective blind choices.

Those unexpected interruptions in life that come up may be God's call. That interruption may be a stint in juvenile hall, the loss of a job, an unexpected illness, a timeout with a friend or family member, or a call for justice. And as we approach holy week, let us reflect on those interruptions. They very well may be a graceful timeout.