The Baby King Sent to Love Boldly

Merry Christmas ! Today is the beginning of embracing the miracle that changed the world. And what better way than to let baby Jesus change us. After a rough week...yesterday was such a lovely new beginning.

As usual confession was the catalyst of reflection, honesty about not just the bad but the good and a focus on what to do next. The sacraments in the church are a gift...despite all the ugly, the short sightedness both in the church  leaders and with our own judgements...their is grace....their is baby Jesus.

The rest of the day was wonderful with many unexpected blessings as well as a sweeter Christmas Eve than I anticipated. One of the reflections during Advent was about John the Baptist leaping for joy and dancing when he noticed the Ark carrying God...Mary carrying Jesus.  The question was asked what makes you dance and leap for joy. I did not quite have an answer at the time. Last night....a very small and unexpected event happened that answered that for me.  My heart leapt for joy and I would have danced...but it would have been rude toward my lovely guest.

What a joy that is to leap for joy. For me sometimes..the thing, event or person that brings the most joy...also brings untold fear. Perhaps that is also divine..to long for God, for Christ being born..is one thing but to actually encounter..joy and fear...perhaps awe exponentially is fear...but how wonderful to never be too old for those beautiful emotions. What makes you leap for joy and dance? If you don't know..wait for it..it will come.:-)

So one resolve for sure this Christmas season that I will continue is to not let too much awe prevent me from acting..and I pray to continue to have the inspiration but when that next step seems too daunting ..its a joy to know that I can get down on my knees and pray..to the Baby King Sent to Love Boldly.

God's Beauty in the Feminine and Masculine

Here I am again at Half Moon Bay beach. This time I am with Teddie though:-). I brought her without a harness and am banking on our bond and the fact that cats are territorial that she will stay close as I type.

Today I had a repitition exercise with one of my classmates that shined a light on an aspect of myself I rarely give voice to. It is the feminine principle that so often gets discounted in our "male" valued society. Now don't get me wrong "male" values are good and necessary but so are the "female".But before I get too analytical about it all, I will relay things as they happened and let you take the lessons you will from them.

This past week I began acting classes again. In the first steps of what is called the Meisner technique you do what are called repitition exercises. Simply put you look at your partner and focus on their physical behavior. You let them affect you personally and respond instinctually..they repeat what you said and you keep doing this until something changes. When the feeling changes then one or the other changes the words expressed. You focus 100% on your partner, listen, let them in and respond truthfully. It sounds simple enough but because being vulnerable is not something we go around being 24/7 it is harder than it seems. It usually takes time to get there, and yet as actors we strive to get there as quickly as we can.

So today I did this repitition exercise with a classmate. At first we were both in our own modes and quirks. I was forward and intense and he was passive and reactive. I wanted him to take charge and I took charge to try to make this happen. Yet he remained in his mode and I in mine...it was a long funny dance.

And then something happened and he became masculine and took charge. It was so beautiful to see and almost immediately I teared and began to cry. And in this shift he saw in me the very sensitive, vulnerable and feminine side. And his observation of me made him say I was cute and femine when he saw this sensitivity and that he trusted me.

Ironically, his masculinity allowed me to be feminine and my feminity allowed him to be even more masculine. My classmate doesn't really know me but some words he conveyed during the repititon rang so true. After he saw me soften he said " You don't have to be tough. You don't have to be tough." I don't have to be tough. There is strength in softness, in vulnerability ,in tears, in receptivity. There is strength in the feminine.

Our culture already knows there is strength in the masculine and slowly we are learning there is strength in the feminine. The giving and the receiving of men and women has value and strength. It deserves respect and even awe. It is my prayer we all see God's beauty in the feminine and masculine.