A Sure Path to Joy

Seeking a path to joy is the reason I started the certification process for Theology of the Body last month. It was something a good friend of mine had suggested I explore on numerous occasions. All I knew about it was it had something to do with sex and chastity.

Now midway through the classes, I realize that it is much deeper and broader than I ever imagined. It has made me concur with George Weigel's description that it is a “theological time bomb set to go off".

Although this blog will only scratch the surface, it is my hope I can do justice to this complex topic, and that you will inspired to dig deeper into this joy afterward. There is both a wikepdia article and a book that is a quicker and easier read on this subject.

So humbly, here I begin:-). The Christian faith and it's timeless principles have around for over 2,000 years, and every generation has had it's challenges with it. I feel this is because our fallen/disordered nature hasn't changed either but only our knowledge of the physical universe and the given theories and circumstances we inherit. We remain and will always be, in this reality, largely ignorant of infinity.

Theology of the body is the perfect angle in the beautiful prism of truth that speaks to us now. According to theology of the body, our body and our complimentary sex is a divine representation of God. In other words, we are created in the image of God. By sex I mean our maleness and femaleness which is stamped on our bodies, minds and spirits.

This dignity of the body came to fruition when the Word became flesh. In other words when God became man through Jesus Christ. By this act, He made us aware of the dignity of the body. He took on flesh to redeem, and restore it through the resurrection. We are not meant to transcend the flesh but restore it and embrace the entirety of our embodied spirits.

In our bodies lies the stamp of self gift one for the other, woman for man and man for woman. Because this is how we are designed, to completely give ourselves to the other and become one, it is in this nuptial union that we come closest to experiencing divine love here on earth.

Through the nuptial union, the sexual embrace, comes the possibility of new life. In fact without this union we would not exist. In this nuptial union then lies the meaning of our whole existence and the meaning of life. From this comes the deepest foundation of our human ethics and culture.

In simple language, as sex goes, so goes marriage and the family. As marriage and the family go, so goes the world.

Yes there are anomalies just as we are designed to see and some of us are born blind. And, as a culture we have tried to change the rules of sex and new life. I believe there are three main reasons we do this and brings me to the core of our human struggle.

Freud, Marx and Nietzsche all had their theories on what motivates human beings. Freud thought it was all about the lust of the flesh (sex), Marx thought it was the lust of the eyes (money, economics), and Nietzsche thought it was the pride of life (power or our will to dominate). One could argue they are all tied together.

In juxtaposition, the virtues that free us from these motivations are the same virtues the religious take in the Catholic faith. Chastity (for sex), poverty (for money) and obedience(the desire to dominate/pride/power ). These are so contrary to what our disordered state wants and, not surprisingly our culture, that it seems both horrible and impossible to embrace.

It's horrible perhaps because it seems like we are dieing and in a sense we are. Our baser side dies. On the other hand, we are freed from this struggle between our baser side and our divine impulses. In our disordered state we struggle with these baser desires. This certainly doesn't lead to peace or joy.

On the one hand if you indulge your baser desires thinking they will lead to happiness, you will want more. That is because happiness is a temporary state that will always lead to wanting more. Instead of finding more happiness however you ultimately find emptiness. If you unleash your baser desires you at best become a slave to them and at worst you self destruct and harm those around you.

Along with becoming free from these struggles, the virtues free us to truly love others (not lust after or use them), pursue and create what we love(instead of pursuing money), and to love God (instead of trying to be Him). All this Love enables us to be truly joyful, and we no longer feel compelled to chase happiness, the counterfeit of joy.

Is it impossible? No. It's obvious that it's not easily attainable, but the first step is you have to want it. A famous St. Augustine saying before his conversion was God grant me the virtue of chastity but not just yet! Because this virtue begins with what your heart and mind entertain you have to start wanting it there. If you choose it inside first,your body will follow suit.

Chastity is when your sexual passions are in subordination to your will. In other words you choose when to engage in that self expression in thought and in action. You rule it and it doesn't rule you. Then you are truly free to love another. You can then choose to express it in an exclusive way in the nuptial union. It even extends into the nuptial union. In other words, chastity doesn't end when you get married, its a way of life. Your focus is on the other and what they want--Love never self seeks.

Love is love before, after and beyond. Love is the fruit of chastity and ALL the virtues. May we have the grace to educate and be educated on Love and embrace the sure path to joy.

Designed to Give

Most of us have heard of the seemingly trite saying it is better to give than to receive. Some of us already know this is true but some of us may not believe this is so. Its embarrassing to be immersed in a time where we focus on the receiving. We are lauded for looking out for ourselves. Perhaps one of the worst forms of focusing on the receiving is when you ask questions like what kind of presents am I getting? How much attention am I getting? How much love am I being shown? You focus on this too much and you can create a living hell.

Focusing on the receiving can be more subtle as well. Sometimes we don't want to put ourselves out by traveling too far or having to deal with uncomfortable circumstances unless remuneration is involved. In this culture, sometimes, we are looking for a windfall or take advantage of the goodwill of a friend. We want to negotiate the best terms at work, in relationship or with something we purchase or services we seek. So what are the fruits of this focus? When we succeed, although it may seem like we are winning, are we really satisfied? The questions can come..could I have gotten more? What else could I have gotten or what can I get next? You see the gap between more and infinity is so huge..you will never catch up!:-) Such is the plight of focusing on the receiving.

There are two types of giving as well, namely, the reciprocated and the charitable give. Examples of the charitable give do not include the tax-benefited Good Will donation:-.) Examples of the reciprocated kind are an exchange of gifts or alternating visits or dinners or anything that involves some equal give and take. Exchanging Christmas presents is nice, but that's not really what happened that first Christmas back in Bethlehem. The three wise men came bearing gifts. I don't remember them saying anything about Mary and Joseph giving gifts back let alone the baby Jesus doing so.

This past Christmas I sent Christmas cards, exchanged Christmas gifts, and celebrated in the company of friends. All of it was enjoyable including the giving and the receiving. However, deciding to volunteer at Little Sisters of the Poor and then magically and spontaneously deciding to pack some gifts for the residents there ended up being the most joyous part of my entire Christmas.

There are a variety of reasons why this might be. For one my giving was unexpected and assuredly unreciprocated. The only judgement and reaction to my gifts was one of surprise and gratitude. I gave without pretense and the motivation came straight from my heart. Not that this wasn't the case when I gave to family or friends but I did think a lot about how the gift will be received. I also at the very least thought subconsciously about what I may or may not receive. I'm sure I gave freely and lightly to the Little Sisters of the Poor for these and probably many other reasons.

Giving is a symbol of what we value, and it is obviously more than material. It can be in the form of our time, our care, our finances, our service and our love. Of course cultivating and caring for family and friends is important and in many ways more challenging than charitable giving. However, after my experience this past Christmas, I have to wonder if we are designed to receive the greatest joy in unreciprocated giving. And if so then why not share this joy with family and friends and invite them to celebrate in this joyous reality. Who knows it may even strengthen those bonds.

As we embark on the post Christmas season marked in our faith as ordinary time, let us take this joy and spread it throughout the year. Lets share it with those most dear to us. Let us always remind ourselves that the greatest joy is when we do what we are designed to do. And as God showed us through Christ, it may be that we are also designed to give.

A cultural affair

My trip to Peru was an eye opening experience in more ways than one. When one lives alone, one can analyze and tweak one's world view with spiritual exercises or a in a variety of other ways. However, when one is another culture, another continent and country, in a sub dominant language where your family's world view takes precedence..your world can turn upside down.

It's ironic one misses family when in that family all of you individually and collectively simply don't allow the other person to be who they really are. It's almost as if your personality in this particular group morphs into something scarcely recognizable. Somehow I knew this reality would come to pass prior to my trip as I sighed before my departure. My roommate commented and said whats wrong aren't you excited to go and I said yes but....

Now don't get me wrong, the trip in all aspects was amazing. Its just for me to be in some primitive cave woman like existence even for brief moments causes severe psychic pain for me. How could I be dishonest, suspicious and more unsatisfied then satisfied in relationship in a few weeks than I normally am in several months? It's both humbling and humiliating. I have to say we are challenged and experience the most opportunity for growth in intimate relationship whether with family or strangers.

So onto some pleasant experiences and surprises of my trip first. The first would have to be that when I was higher on the pecking order, my family helped out a lot with stuff I had to get done there. So much so that I became more demanding than most human beings have a right to be. Another hi-lite was having such a uniquely fun time at the wedding reception. There is a custom among the young adults with some means there to host a "hora loca" or crazy hour. I was skeptical at first with such a shenanigan but with a little, well more than a little, alcohol, it proved to be the most fun experience of the whole event.

These guys with funny makeup and costumes came out on stilts with long balloons to pass out. They encouraged havoc in dance and action and the spirits ran wild in good fun. I also had the opportunity to dance for 15 minutes plus with my 87 year old uncle. He had seen me dance down to the ground and slowly dance back up prior and proceeded to do the same more than a few times. I was impressed but also scared! To see the spirit of love rise in his heart and have faith in it was touching.

Another pleasant surprise was a response from a business owner whom I contracted some 10 sessions of treatment with. Because I became ill, I wasn't able to go past 4 sessions. I decided to talk with her regarding the situation and how we could resolve it. She immediately offered to give me a full refund, I protested since this was not fair, I had used 4 sessions. She agreed and quickly refunded me the 6 sessions. It was probably a combination of factors that led to her decision. Perhaps a main one was the goodwill established by my cousin being a frequent customer of hers. I was grateful and thankful that such professionalism existed despite the tales of woe about business and strangers my family had filled my head with. The first story came as soon as I landed in Lima.

Lastly, my trip to Cuzco and the Inca trail was amazing. The challenges started early. I had a fever the night before my trip and after the first easy day of the hike, I lost part of a dental filling. As I troubleshooted what to do with others help, I decided to persevere and finish the trail. Coughing and only able to use one side of my mouth, I joked that even under these circumstances one can hike the great elevations of the Andes. My trip ended with a wonderful surprise as the dentist I found was competent, had state of the art equipment, was over the top compassionate in administering the injection, was not pushy in rendering other services and in the end became a friend. We parted in the typical Latin goodbye with a kiss on the cheek.

These experiences saved me from the chaos of the cultural affair I was in. As I mentioned earlier I became ill. This happened at the wedding reception. The evening was breezy and chilly and this landed me with a rather severe cold. The end of my trip with family saw me in bed more often than not where fever visited and revisited me. There are few events aside from physical illness for me when I become so egocentric that every lapse of attention and care causes me to recoil. This certainly was exacerbated due to an earlier experience where my patience ran thin with a dinner episode that had me at the end of the pecking order. The fact that I responded in primitive form left everyone all the worse for the experience.

Another humbling experience happened on the Inca trail. In my handicapped state, I was searching for my camera through my backpack and was unable to find it. I searched three times taking just about everything from the pack and opening every zipper. I searched the tent. I then thought perhaps my tent mate had by mistake put it away in her pack since I last remembered it being in the tent. After this failed, I gave into suspicion and thought well someone had to take it..since it didn't just disappear. As illogical as this was, I was perplexed as to what could have happened with the camera. Well my suspicion caught fire by remembering others prior complaints, and I caused an uproar at campsite. After checking all the porters and feeling badly this had to happen, I finally asked to receheck my backpack. This time I took out everything and in a hidden compartment, our trail guide felt a protrusion that seemed like a camera and he finally located the secret zipper. How embarrassing to have caused so much angst among everyone.

This experience can be excused a little more due to the crazy circumstances and being thrust among strangers. In familial or longterm and close friendship, one would think, however, that when you know people well enough and they know you...that you could somehow navigate past the landmines. We think it would be nice if we such perfect control over our will in moments of confusion or doubt. But we don't and I am thankful we don't, because that's how we grow and how we can respond with love.

That love sometimes has to have space, reflection and a seed planted in our heart. That seed for me is so evident but in my cultural chaos I couldn't even think of it. That seed is to see Christ in everyone. I have been graced with the response to His love. And with that grace the seed has begun sprouting. What joy amidst chaos when this seed will one day explode into a passion in our heart. It may not always prevent us from experiencing and reacting to disappointment or pain or loneliness in this world. However, it can transport us to a joy that surpasses those experiences.

May we all grow in Love and in relationship. And may we reflect this Christmas season on the great gift of Christ taking human form to save us by showing us how to Love. And may that Love transport us past all the variations in life which become our cultural affairs.

The walk (Part 2)

I was happy to skip confession due to the inconvenience with my schedule. After all, a lot of what was requisite in order to get to that point was not natural to me or at least not natural to the adult I had become. Humility, self-examination and self disclosure were qualities I had disdain for. This was due to familial and cultural messages I had received. This translates to two main things I struggled with since my tweens, an inordinately hard time trusting and an inordinate amount of pride.

I had been reading a book entitled "Talking about Miracles" by Dr. Patrick Thellier in the evenings and this may last evening was no exception. It was written by a physician who was the twelfth doctor to head the Lourdes Medical Bureau. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lourdes_Medical

I was poetically on the last chapter of the book. The last chapter riveted me because it had unequivocally stated that if you miss some of the things to do while in Lourdes its OK but do NOT miss confession. I put the book down and reluctantly thought well OK. I was open to where the signs lead me because this trip was proving to be magical on lots of levels despite going through all the motions of typical tourism for me.

The first difference I noticed was that it was the antithesis of my experience in Medjugorje*. Everything was free. The tours, the healing baths, the waters, the museums ,the movies at the center, the masses and the adoration of the cross. Although there were some donation boxes around , no person ever asked for a donation or even implied it and not even at mass:-) Everyone who worked there was a volunteer. The priests leading the tours and the men and women helping with the baths were all there because they wanted to be. They believed and seemed blessed in the service they were providing. The only thing I paid for while there was my room at the convent which included meals, the movies I watched at the theaters and the plastic jugs I filled with the free healing water.

At mass I met a young woman who had come to bring healing water for her nephew who had a terminal and incurable condition. This touched me as a more urgent reason to come than my own of simple curiosity. I immediately prayed for her and her nephew during the mass. After the homily the priest suggested we get to know the person next to us in the pew during the sign of peace and to pray for their needs. This coincidence was one of many.

The experience that what was most significant for me however were the unprovoked and unique thoughts that came to me during my stay. I will share the most poignant one for me. It was on suffering. More specifically, it was the suffering in relationship.

I thought of Christ on the cross and everything he endured and yet his Love for us was steadfast. The words Jesus uttered from the cross of "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do" were always one of my favorite and had led to my initial belief in Christ back in college. But this time the words spoke clearly of the magnificence of Love. Love would not be Love without suffering. In other words, if someone suffers for you their Love seems deeper and in some sense genuine. If Christ had not suffered and died for us would his Love mean as much? If he had just healed and preached and then just bid everyone adieu as he ascended into heaven would HE and God have touched us as much?

In our own lives, think of the people who have hurt you the most. Did you forgive them and still love them? If you did this from a position of freedom and strength the action would have meant all the more. For the fortunate few that have experienced this, how did this feel? What was your response?

If we are in the image of God and God dwells within us to reveal our true nature, then ultimately we are called to Love in this fashion. Suffering then tests our Love and makes it deeper and real. A beautiful yet scary realization for me.

With this in mind, I first did my confession in my room to God in private. After pouring out my heart, I did what was hardest for me to do to which was to forgive my adoptive father. Amidst tears I heard a voice say, "you have a beautiful heart." Before falling asleep I looked up the confession schedule in the morning and decided to go to the earliest confession before leaving.

The following morning I went into the room where confessions were being heard. There were a multitude of languages offered. Only two applied to me, English and Spanish. My confession to God the night before was in English and so I wanted an English speaking priest but they were all busy. I looked at a Spanish speaking priest and saw his room was empty and available. I looked inside and he seemed stern to me. Nevertheless, I went in and had a great conversation and confession.

I basically repeated what I had told God the night before and amidst my tears the priest said "tienes un corazon muy bonito"(you have a beautiful heart). He told me that "la virgen te acariciado durante tu visita" in other words that the virgin Mary had caressed my face during my visit there. He asked me a few questions about vocation and whether I wanted to marry. He then gave me some recommendations for what to seek out and do when I returned back to the bay area. I left in awe. It was the most authentic, humbling and self disclosing confession and experience I had ever had. It was not only healing and validating but led to me a very different point in my spiritual journey.

Part 3 will tie in how this experience has led to my present walk. *Also if you would like to know a little more on my Medjugorje experience, please let me know and I will include in the next part.

Introduction to "A Musing Angel"

Welcome to my first public forum! This has been in the works for awhile and now it is finally live! My blog name comes from a desire to call on the divine messengers to aid in this dialogue. I hope you find this blog inspiring and amusing (pun intended:-)!

Some of us are fortunate enough to find and follow our calling/passion from an early age. Some of us start later in life and some of us like me are not quite sure which talent to pursue. Sadly most of us on this planet never have the chance to follow any divine voice because our lot in life seems to dominate our thoughts with worry. Whether it’s where our next meal will come from, a health issue, a financial concern, a status issue or any of the myriad of things which can occupy our thoughts with worry. The truth seems to be that no matter what our lot in life--we have a divine gift to share and if we feed that seed our lot in life will change and our view will change. So please consider this an exercise in this; namely an attempt to give voice to the divine gift of creativity in me through the written word.

Since I was able to articulate and remember thought, at the age of about two, I have been very philosophical. At that age, I was both perplexed and inquisitive about our human condition and motivations. Later, in elementary school--I developed a passion for words and music. I loved and excelled in spelling bees, wrote poetry, wrote songs in a Capella, wrote short stories and kept journals. I found it was the best way to channel my powerful emotions and give life to the most tender and authentic part of my being. My query is simply this: Can my life experience and my ability to communicate this through the written word be of service to my fellow human beings?

And can I help someone else somehow find their passion through some mysterious way in the words they read here? I hope the answer is a resounding yes!

So what will you write about and how often? Good question! Most of this will be organic, however, it will cover all types of relationships. I’ll try to subdivide them for easy reference. God, romance, opposite sex friendship, female friendships, teacher/child, familial, fellow human being and feline:-) Occasionally I will write about something else like politics or financial but it will always tie back to relationship in some sense..our relationship with groups, money in short everything influences who we are and what we become. I will write once a week and publish on Sunday and I will try to be pithy!

Lastly, because this will be organic I encourage suggestions and dialogue. Thank you for visiting and reading and I hope you join me and find joy on our journey!