The Holy Trinity, Love and Each Other to Help Us Find the Way

2020 was supposed to be a year of clarity and maybe it is.  Aside from Covid -19 which has altered our life as we slowly find joy in a modified fashion..we have seen our own humanity in light amidst the darkness.

Perhap it's fitting to reflect on Holy Trinity Sunday...so much has happened liturgically. We went thru Lent, the Passion, Resurrection, Eastertide and Pentecost. Today is a reflection of All of God..the Holy Trinity.

There is no question we all have our blind spots. If we could see them perhaps we would, and perhaps we can't see them simply because we are not ready to see them.

This past couple of weeks I have seen a lot of emotion most focused on a small set of circumstances. The full truth is rarely sought. Anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, peace, injury, help, courage,  group think and comfort and healing have all been on display these past two weeks.

I am grateful for those who comforted those who mourned, protected those businesses who were attacked, for those that helped clean the messess created by chaos and for those who prayed. These are our better angels. 

Perhaps unjust suffering, abuse and murder can best be seen in what Jesus allowed, embraced and endured. If you have doubt this happened..I suggest you research and look it up. And He was innocent. Not only did He not have a rap sheet, or was drunk/high or resisted where he was lead, he actually had a history of healing, dining with the criminals of that time, and helping those who persisted in their pleas..even if they were not his target mission.

How does this inform us today..in our current crisis and climate? That unjust horrific things do happen and that always thru the Holy Spirit's courage, kindness and peace..good comes out in the end.

In the chaos of things..we don't see the final picture. It is our collective blindspot. So while non innocent men and women are abused and killed and property is destroyed and pillaged, we have a choice. Our response is a choice, but our reaction is not so much.

All of us are not innocent and yet some of us are quick to lay blame on everyone else as being more guilty. Some of us are so guilty that instead of sowing seeds of change within us we excuse all bad behavior.

Whose fault is it that the injustices and blind spots occur? It is all our fault. Some cross the line and have to be held to account. Some abuse this hurt to take and hurt and hopefully are held to account. 

We are by nature in a fallen and disordered state. It's what causes the pain, blame and the indifference ..but that's not the end of the story. Through redemption, through mercy, through correction and through divine help..we get not only through it..but become better, stronger, wiser, with stronger discipline and with a bigger capacity to love.

And that was the reflection at mass today. Through our heads..some things we just can't understand like the nature of one God in three persons...The Holy Trinity. The only way we know people deeply is through love, and the same for knowing God.

Perhaps the way we will know the abusers and the victims is through love.  And perhaps this is what we will learn thru our heart break..is how to love. May the unseen and least understood advocate, Paraclete and comforter guide us through it all. He can if we give him a chance.

The battle already has been won..death has been defeated and our life has been given a divine boost to the gifts God already has imbued in us at birth.  Yes, we may still be blind..but with an open heart we will find the way.

And as we keep getting lost, we keep getting found and reminded of what is possible despite the evil that persists. The big war has already been won, but we still must battle the war within so we can heal the war outside. We don't have to do it alone. We have the Holy Trinity and love and each other to help us find the Way.

Rise From the Dead

Happy Resurrection Sunday! In today's gospel Lazarus is raised from the dead after being in the tomb 4 days by Jesus.

 Jesus knew that this delay would be to glorify God.

Jesus also loved Lazarus and his sisters so He wept. Then raising His eyes to heaven he said in a loud voice to rise and walk out.

John 11:1-45

Perhaps this scripture can give us some insight on how to handle our CV crisis.

God is infinitely and exponentially more powerful and  than this or any virus. And where science leads and teaches us..the gap to God's love and power and peace is gargantuan.

There is no doubt this is a precarious time for us as a global community and country. We all process information differently and have our own unique trigger points.

Our economy is shut down and many of us are physically isolated. We are concerned for those at risk and want to protect them.

But where is God in this for you? Our fear may drive us to Him in desperation or away from Him toward science and logic and of course some no only don't believe but have disdain for Him..why would He allow this? How could Jesus allow Lazarus to die? How could God allow his only begotten son Jesus to go thru the passion and Crucifixion?

In this scripture..a tragedy was allowed so we could glorify God. How can we glorify God thru this ordeal?

Jesus wept. How can we show compassion and also weep? 

Jesus acted by looking to the heavens and raising Lazarus from the dead. How can we raise our eyes to heaven and act to save lives?  Most of our roles are to sit at home and physically isolate. How can we glorify God and raise our eyes to heaven even if this all we do? Perhaps if we do, HE can inspire us do other things as well. We are designed to help in our unique ways. Let's allow God to magnify that.

We all have faith that we can help and that this will pass. This is the good that God has instilled in us. This CV crisis has connected all of us..worldwide in a way few things could have. Jesus coming back would be one. :-)

But how much more can we do if we put Him first?

He is constantly calling us but we have the choice to ignore and follow our own self direction. He has created us to be free. It is a collective choice we have made more often than not to be self directed..it is our human condition. And so perhaps we are here because of our choices.

So I am here advocating for us to make different choices. Who is first now? Science? Logic? Denial? Yourself? Your family? The common good? 

Almost none of these are bad things. But none should be first. God should be first. Why?

Well let's drill down a bit. The author of life and the Universe promises peace. Peace be with you. Will you get their with one quick prayer, or a rosary or family prayer at night. If this is the first time you are doing it and are not surrendering wholeheartedly...maybe not.

But you have to start from where you are. If you only practice one thing daily let it be your anchor.

The rosary may be your anchor if the Eucharist and Eucharistic adoration are not available. Just know we all have an anchor to the divine and no one can take that away...not even CV.

If the  Scientists, the President, the Surgeon General you and me anchor ourselves to God how much more correct can our thoughts and actions be?  Even though we are in a very precarious position, panic and fear that are an engine unto itself will not lead us to make the best choices. Sometimes we have to act fast but more often that not calm will help much more.

Who can lead us? God. He is ready, willing and able to help. Do we have faith that He can?  Can He help the scientists get inspired after sweating it out to come up with an anti-viral that works at least some of the time at least. How about a concoction of antivirals that helps more while we wait for the breakthrough? There are a myriad of other solutions. It can happen and it will..perhaps exponentially faster if we lean into GOD.

If God leads we will NOT want to party on or be so holed up in our house that we don't look for safe ways to help others. We will stop keeping the focus on ourselves to the point where it hinders us to do things that help others as HE inspires us and at worst paralyzes us.

How does panic help us devise solutions in the future to get back to work, keep those vulnerable safe and allow them time to get some fresh air without us putting them and each other in harm's way?

We can do sooo much but, how much more can we do with God's help? He is already trying to help and sometimes we are so caught up in panic and charts that we can't just stop and see what He is trying to do. He has the answers so why not ask, and then let Him lead as we get to work.

This crisis will pass but we will create another if we can't put God first. 

It is both ironic and a blessing that this is happening during Lent. Jesus was in the wilderness alone praying for 40 days. We are following him more closely now than most of us ever have.

For once we can stop, pray and surrender all our fears, anxiety, anger, denial or our unique combination of ways that we process this unique challenge. He wants to help you. Will you let Him? Do you have faith? God is good always and if we choose Him, we are choosing good.

That also means suffering. It is part of our redemption. But even in this aspect..surrendering to suffering instead of fighting it ironically means we suffer less.

So I will end with sharing some little miracles that happened this week.  On Monday I had a furuncle or boil removed. I had a lot of subconscious anxiety in the morning. I worked out because I knew I may not be able to for a bit after the procedure. 

This most routine of incisions involves a surgeon. That combined with this unique moment in time (with CV and the shelter in place) and I knew that all the anxieties and pre-occupations most have with this challenging time would make it so that challenge was mine alone to handle with God and precious few others for support. All of this I pushed aside as I prayed and focused where I needed to focus: on God and then on the medical professionals and how I could make this a holy moment. 

In the doctor's office the injections to numb the area around the mass burned and hurt. The cutting and removing the gunk came next. After the procedure, I saw the blood on the dressing and realized yeah its routine but still a procedure.

After it was done I was relieved and felt happy. I thought let me stop by a local church and maybe if the door is open I can pray. So after the 30-40 minute procedure I drove there. The door was open!

I walked inside and much to my amazement they were giving communion. All masses are suspended, and this was being videotaped apparently. I walked right in and received Jesus for the first time in a week. What an amazing blessing. What serendipity! I could not have dared to ask for this grace nor timed it more perfectly. Grace happened.

I cried a bit on the drive home as I looked to the heavens and thanked God. His love is steadfast and true. 

Some people reached out with calls, as did I, and the sense of connection and concern was more magnified.. even with a much smaller circle.

Later in my week amidst my humanity of being responsible and taking care of myself, I had many days of obstacles. I initially failed to turn to God. When I finally did..I was able to more calmly get past the obstacle. 

The blessing's kept coming. My agent sent me a voice over audition..not my specialty but a safe way to continue with that aspect of my call. 

And then the biggest blessing of all, because of YOU sheltering in place not only did I learn that hospitals in the peninsula and SF are NOT experiencing a surge, but by this action YOU allowed that same local church to gain permission from the SMC health oficial to allow communion today this Sunday. This church was allowed because they had ample space outside to keep 6 ft apart and because we are NOT in a dire situation.

Thank YOU for doing your part.

Rain was expected this morning. So as I often say..I don't tempt God so I came with rain gear. It never rained at the 9:30am distribution, a blessing to not stand in the rain.

There were volunteers making sure the 6ft rule was observed and giving hand sanitizer right before receiving communion in your hand. The priest was wearing gloves AND serving the communion with cute little tongs.

And how can I forget..confession. The  6ft spacing and the window was open in the room. I was able to confess. This was the first time I had ever felt so sorry for my sins. It was a confession from the heart. Many of my confessions have been from my head. That was what CV allowed me to do. 

Our collective suffering can be transformed by Love...by God. Jesus showed us the power of love through HIS suffering to create not only Peace but something Salvific. Because Love is Salvific, God can do the same with us now and when this finally passes. Will you join Him and let Him?

Lent will be over soon...holy week awaits.  The Resurrection will come! We all will pass one day and we all will be resurrected one day. The question is will you be ready and can you now... Rise from the Dead.

Carry Peace in Our Heart

It has been a long time since I penned something. I have been going thru a transition with some formal beliefs and so it almost felt hypocritical to write. 

But all I can be is me and as authentic as I can be given my limitations in perception.

This political season I have witnessed what I thought I never would. Our darkest angels summoned forth and a polarization that has at times even brought me in. Nothing wrong with criticizing or raising concerns if your conscious dictates but a fixed position that brings anger and judgement out is definitely not our better angels.

Then there is the filming of questionable police force and an enraged shooter and the tragedy in Nice. It happens so fast..and it is overwhelming at times.

I certainly carry joy more often than not. I feel blessed beyond belief in so many ways and for the first time feel I perceive life in a more balanced. fashion There are benefits, costs and risks in every situation and I learn from all of them.

So what of our current global and current microcosm of our political climate? All I can say is it is time to take a step back, not assume we know all the variables and judge a bit less harshly.

Our liberating goal would be to choose our actions, our focus and our reactions with some calm. And to choose to carry peace in our heart.

Peace Be Unto You

I was going to write about another topic but decided this one was far better given the Easter season and what has inspired me.

When Jesus came back after the resurrection, the oft phrase he used in greeting and leaving was "Peace be unto you." I won't be getting into the theological significance of that but instead a share one view of a personal experience I am going thru.

My journey the last year has been unique and interesting. I had and came out of one of the more significant relationships in my life. My tenacity and intellectual desire to fix what was not right came out in a big way. But something that needs to be fixed repeatedly is simply something that at best does not work and at worst is broken.

I learned that all that glitters is not gold. I learned that fast is not good.  I learned that ignoring my intuition is not good. I mistook desire and need for love. I learned that God indeed speaks to us and cares and that I finally had the courage to listen and act. I am learning to trust that what God has in mind for me is much better. I am learning by experience that 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is true.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

In the midst of this process, God was and is weaving something else for me. It was something I could not have foreseen. It is something that began and grew under the most unusual of circumstances and kept growing in the silence of my struggles. It is something that survived my grieving and eventual loss of my prior relationship.

It quite simply was a friendship that was blooming, and the peace that came from it as the value, care and freedom afforded it manifested itself was not anything I had experienced before.

No one knows what the future holds. But I am grateful that despite all my struggles this last year, that one strong and unwavering light still burns brightly. I am grateful that I can experience freedom and yet feel valued and wanted and supported. 

And most of all I am grateful that God is in charge and not I. May HIS will be done, and may you too surrender to HIS will and experience many precious and very sweet moments of peace. May they grow to be permanent no matter what the circumstances or what you are feeling at the moment. Because what he is weaving in you and in all of us if we trust and follow is Gold, a pure heart of Gold for HIS glory. Peace be unto you.

Happy Lent!

The Catholic liturgical calendar has a rhythm. And although every year we celebrate everything all over again, Lent on Ash Wednesday does not start on the same date and hence Easter is not on the same date.

This year in 2014, Lent started a little late, and I am grateful it did. This Lent does not have the same meaning for me as it did last year. Last year I saw it as just temporarily giving up certain things. This year I saw it as drawing even closer to God by yes giving up things but also giving and getting Closer to God with spiritual practices. 

First, I have been going to confession and adoration once per week. When I broke that rhythm, I actually felt off. Second, I am giving up sugar, and alcohol. A side benefit is it had helped my waistline Thirdly, I am also eating moderately and volunteered in Skid Row to feed those who go hungry more often that not. I also gave out packets of water and snacks to those I find begging and money when I did not have it. I made me realize how often I have gone ignoring those in need. Praying for them is essential but when you can give something, it feels really good.

This Lent I gave up some thing I did not know I would and even withdrew my facebook account. It actually feels so liberating, I may do it past Lent. All the unexpected giving up has been liberating. A sure sign I am going in the right direction. And praise be to God so many wonderful doors are opening.

Lent has taught me that at the heart of love, along with passion, attachment and forgiveness is sacrifice. What are you willing to sacrifice? What am I willing to sacrifice? Are there limits? 

If you choose freely to love without limits, it is then that we are in true communion with God and love. The rich fruit will be there if you give up what limits your capacity to love.

Some of the fruits so far of this Lent for me have been joy and peace. Trusting in the Lord 100%,  I know that my actions and the actions of others will always lead to truth and love. Relationships like the liturgical calendar have rhythms too, and eventually the music becomes clear what purpose the relationship has or had.

This Lent has also been trying, as there are moments in trials that I realize that I have even more growth in that deep confidence in God and letting him lead the way.

Leaning on God draws me closer to who I really am and that is a beautiful place to be. It lets me know I am justified for my needs and that God will provide amply if I just lean on and trust in HIM. It is has also been a big blessing when I see the signs thru others and my spiritual director of what real love looks like. It has also been a time of grace for my friendships as well.

Deep faith and deep trust in God is a rock to lean on as it buoys us in the opportunities and joys and sustains us and gives us hope in the losses and sorrows. In each event we draw God/Love closer to us and are sanctified as we celebrate each moment of this passing life.

As we embrace this last two weeks of Lent, let us keep the faith. Next week is the most trying, the most beautiful and ends in the most Glorious and I feel blessed to celebrate that in communion with my family in Peru.

This Lent, finding God in the every day and every moment has brought me joy and peace. And I can end with one scripture I find inspirational...Matthew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Happy Lent!

Peace be with You

It has been a long while. My life this year has been a whirlwind. It began with hopes of major changes in both my personal and professional life and they came quickly. The first was with my personal life. It is normal to get caught up in romance and put all your hopes onto a relationship. Some are valid based on the interactions, but a lot is projected. This was my particular experience.

Major decisions were embarked upon quickly and the stages of dating went from fast to very fast in the course of 3 months. My day job had unique challenges as well and the weight of the crazy work environment finally took its toll on my health and my emotional well being. My relationship was a significant support during this challenging time.

Then some long anticipated changes began being possible, with-in reach and set in motion. I moved to So.Cal in Mid- May and the shock waves of rushing a relationship during the next month and a half were settling into my bones. After some quakes, a rupture finally happened. Emotional fall-out is normal, and the breathing room necessary to discern was finally created.

It's odd that what often seems like a set back whether it's losing a job, losing a relationship or losing anything you thought you had--can turn out to be the biggest blessing possible. The pain of loss is real but the space created makes you re-evaluate the situation..see why and how things happened to create the loss and then act on any remedy that seems possible and prudent.

For me loss also creates the space to truly invite God in more deeply, to pour myself into him and feel the peace that comes. All we have is today and in the sweet surrender to God...we find our guilt, our blessings and our needs. And HE gives us his mercy, his assurance that we deserve not only the blessings we have but even more, for HE is a generous God. And, he fills the void of our needs by opening the many doors spiritually, emotionally and physically.

I can never say how or when HE communicates with each unique individual but Love/God is always the same. May we have the courage to reach for HIM during our little and big changes and in the changes we plan and the ones we don't. Life is truly a gift, and one of the sweetest fruits of heart-felt prayer is peace. Peace be with you.