Another milestone in our Christian and American Calendar. Pentecost Sunday is the beginning of the Holy Spirit coming into our world and being with each one of us. Memorial day is a day where we remember those who sacrificed their lives for us and an ideal they trusted.
Trust is perhaps the one element in all relationships that is tested. I have to start with my hero and Lord Jesus Christ. He trusted his sinful and weak disciples, He trusted those in the throes of sins grasp, and he trusted his Heavenly Father's plan even when it seemed just too much to bear.
It makes me realize that trust is in essence is an act of vulnerability and love. I am not so good at being vulnerable. My fiery temperament and self sufficiency always seem to often get in the way. But in this new season of my life, I have taken a huge leap of trust in my relationship with God. At times it seemed like the only choice to make as doors closed in ways that seemed to signal--STOP. And so I did.
I took a pause and let God lead and boy did He lead me into a path that my rational brain would have never anticipated. It is true I was being prepared to take this last leap of faith, nevertheless it also has to be act an of will to finally follow. Yet, despite a myriad of answered prayers and the most unlikely of doors opening--I still had doubt.
Its almost as if there is comfort in me feeling that I must do in order to deserve. As I continued in my new career path, I realized I needed a source of at least part time income in order to weather the ebbs and flows of acting until such day that God wills it otherwise. I needed something flexible, and I began to worry as my time frame was shortening. This worry was the antithesis of trusting in divine providence, especially when you are focusing on divine providence! Matthew 6:8 "Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."
I have seen this time and time again with even people who have no formal belief in God, but yet still have faith things will work out. With me it was no different. Despite my angst I surrendered to God. In the end, things worked out. It' s funny, after the fact, I wondered why I stressed myself so. Yet it's comforting to know that God loves me despite this lack of faith.
The worrying seems to be a wrestle between trying to be in control and trusting in God to provide. It true you have to seek and ask but the door will always open.
The sin of worry is that it can blind you from seeing what God is trying to give you.
If we can make that giant leap to trust God then we can take the next step in trusting one another. It should not be a wreck less or naive trust but a trust that allows for our humanity and brokenness. The Holy Spirit can both guide us in when and how to trust and can be there to catch us if the trust is broken. It may be God calls us to trust and love each other because it is in this act that we both honor Him taking care of us and help redeem one another. When we trust our neighbor despite their brokenness, we begin accepting and trusting ourselves.
My hope is that we learn to trust God day by day and moment to moment. For when we surrender to Him moment to moment then we can surrender and trust each other despite the almost inevitable disappointment. With the Holy Spirit, we can dare say in God we trust.
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