Esperanza/Hope

We are approaching the holiest of nights and what better topic to explore than Hope. Hope is what the Israelites had to have to escape bondage. Hope is what Andy Dufrain had in the classic movie "Shawshank Redemption" and hope is what we all have when what we aspire to attain alludes us our multiple attempts.

So it is my hope you find a phrase or word in this blog that inspires you again..where you regain hope.

So lets look at the definition first.

hope

hōp/

noun

1. 1.

   a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

   
   

   "he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information"

   synonyms:

   aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, goal, plan, design; More

   • 
     

     
     
   • 
     

     
     
2. 2.

   archaic

   a feeling of trust.

I recently read a book by Henry Cloud called Boundaries in Dating. And the phrase that stood out to me was when hope and long suffering are married for a good end and when hope is simply futile given your multiple attempts with no progress to face a wrong. 

To be sure repentance does not mean that every time you will succeed in your quest to change an incorrect behavior but it does mean recognizing a wrong and willing it with God and other people's help to truly change the behavior. How many of us truly do this?

Sometimes it is fear that makes us stop cold turkey as when someone quits smoking and never returns to it when they discover a growth in their lung. Sometime I think fear is more powerful than almost anything to change behavior quickly and permanently. I think moral failings could be more easily conquered if the end result scared you straight.

But back to hope...I think this is the quandary..when someone repeatedly denies a wrong or has a rational lie for justifying one...that is a rational lie in their own mind. I think it is healthy to give up hope after some time for both people's sake. For reality always proves a wrong is a wrong as it leads you to pain and the removal of joy. That's the beauty of truth...reality simply can never sustain and grow when a objective wrong is embraced.

Before we invoke the Alpha and the Omega..I will surmise a Spanish saying.

If you lose money you have lost nothing
If you lose love you have lost something
But if you lose hope you have lost everything

So my answer this Christmas eve is that the author of all became incarnate and HE self sacrificed and saved us.

And so as we await baby Jesus...know that if we leave things in Gods hands..HE can do what our minds may deem impossible to hope.

Redemption is What God Hopes for Us

Do you want to get to know someone? Observe how they are as a fan..or how they feel about fans. Something impressed me about Yankees fans. Despite being down 2 and 0 in the playoffs and their manager making a big mistake in game 2, and the fact they are not the best team in the league..their fans were all in. Perhaps its because they have and have had the wealth to acquire talent and they have had so many winning teams. Perhaps. 

I have a Boston Red Sox fan friend who threw his team under the bus because his team was not morally perfect and did not play with the passion he thought they should. Because his team looked bad in the first two games..he proceeded to tear my Cubs down.

I have another friend who thought baseball players made too much and it was not worth the money. He was a fan for his own enjoyment but in the end he was only a fan of himself.

Then their was a moral/spiritual acquaintance who thought he was the oracle of correct moral behavior and knew the mind of God and judged fans and sports figures as people who are irresponsible and plugged out of reality and distracting themselves out of correct behavior and the ladder as irrelevant and irreverent if their behavior did not agree with his view of correct behavior and reality.

And then of course their are Cub fans...who until last year always were pessimistic but knew logically one day that day of redemption would come. I don't know how I knew but I knew last year was it. Even in the most dire of circumstances..I just knew. That phrase just knowing is a religious experience I believe. I have heard people when they find the right person to marry..they say they just knew. It can be any circumstance...landing a big job or knowing something is wrong without recognizing the evidence immediately.

It could be the blink aspect ( Blink: The power of thinking with out thinking by Malcolm Gladwell) except of course when you have not seen anything. It is unusual to experience this and the reason I call it a religious experience is because it almost does seem like God has willed this particular outcome. Many times this does not happen...if it happened all the time then we would not learn from our choices I believe.

I as a fan observe and assess the pro and cons of each player, of the team synergy..of the managers quirks, strengths and failings. There are things that annoy me more than others, and I do see a very important component of a player or teams success as mental. I guess just like most of life is. It also has made me shake to the core to realize that I either facilitate or hinder my own success in my own personal endeavors. I have recognized that the deeper the dream..the more I fear.

Ironic that being a fan can enlighten me in this way. Its like baseball is a mirror for our spiritual war but the consequences are not as drastic. Their is no war where people die or behaviors that damage or destroy relationships.

So if you want to learn about yourself a bit more..reflect on what kind of a fan you are or how you feel about fans. In the end being a good fan and a good player in life is a gift that we can mature and grow into. And that redemption is certainly what God hopes for all of us.

Division's Spiritual Purpose

I can't recall an election nor an outcome that has stirred as many thoughts and emotions as this last one. The divisions were stark and they seem to be taking on new life.

Before I get into a view of the spiritual meaning behind unity and division, I wanted to explore what happened with me and where I am at. I am hoping that perhaps both you and I can be enlightened in the process.

As most know and can ascertain by reading my blog, I lean right. It is perhaps a combination of the way I was raised, how I was formed by the things I read and studied, my life experience and my temperament.  That being said, I found President Trump as a candidate..one of the most distasteful people to ever run for office.  Ideology aside, I found his behavior and words in both business and in his personal life to be vile and self serving.

As things revealed became more outrageous, I lost patience with those that supported Trump as a means to stop Clinton or because he was pro-life or the supreme court justice or...you get the picture.They were so strongly anchored that it really did permit him to do or say anything and people would still support him.

I found such irrationalness even in California. I tried to reason with people that despite how you may feel about Hillary's character and ideology..she was going to win California period. So why not vote for someone whose character is far better than Trump's and whose ideology you would also agree with. I suggested a conservative independent candidate, Evan McMullin.

No..they burrowed in irrationally that voting for an independent is a throw away vote. I tried to make them see that voting for Trump in California is a throw away vote...Hillary would win California and it would not be close. They critiqued the independent candidates policy as if Trump's policies were 100% in line with their viewpoints...they were not.

In the end, for me I could not support someone who supported him. It caused me to divide as I felt by respecting them their choice and freedom..I was enabling them. I felt that strongly about how immoral this choice was. And I joined the left and other moral right leaning friends in fighting against Trump. To be fair and purely for ideological reasons...I fought against Obama in 2008. How odd for me to voting against someone's character this time around.

Fast forward to election night, and I was shell shocked that Trump won. I literally felt it to be a voter rebellion against the status quo. They gave an immoral at best and near criminal in his business practices at worst
and his treatment of the weaker and women, a free pass to the presidency.

After the shock, my right leaning brain slowly but surely saw the potential benefits that could transpire with this election. With that mindset and also the respect for voter will even if it is against my own..I started making peace with the outcome. Though Trump's ideology was not consistently right..it was more so than the last 8 years. 

I began to see positives in his character like his work ethic and the value and relationship he has with his family. To be fair the egotism and thin skinned character flaws did not disappear...but I took it in stride like dealing with a petulant child. As long as laws were not broken or past indiscretions revived..I would be ok with him as President. I gave him a clean slate..the office merited it.

I understand the fear people have...I had it too before the election and had it with President Obama. But I also saw really good changes despite many mistakes and ideological differences in Obama's presidency. I even wrote to him to reconsider some ideological view points. Whether it was he or a staffer that responded, I was heartened that he did. It was a political answer to be sure but it still felt good to be heard.

I wrote him with respect while admiring his passion for the poor and disadvantaged. I could and would rise beyond the disagreements. I am not quite there with President Trump because as much as he has already done ..he has not accomplished anything yet. But I am hoping for the best and will engage him if need be.

I guess this is the beauty of being an American and a Christian. You fight for what you feel is right, you sacrifice if need be but you also respect and engage the President. I do see the value in protest sometimes but to be honest...sometimes I see it is an infantilism. 

We don't always get what we want and rehashing the same thing when it is past and gone seems to cling to a reality that simply does not exist. 

Which brings me to division again. Spiritually, Jesus called us to united in vision and action in HIM. And yet he did bring division. He asked his disciples to give up family, job and a way of life and eventually their own life. It makes sense if HE is saving us from sin, death and bringing life, joy and healing. If HE is the author of life it seems and all humanity..not choosing HIM seems self destructive. And yet after that choice has been made..you are to now be unified.

Perhaps it is too simplistic to say that when Christians were divided this election cycle..their allegiance was not Jesus but their view of what Christian principles dictate or what someone in authority said that convinced them they were in the right. I think it is a helpful exercise to examine and be honest about one's true allegiance. It looks like getting closer to God will reveal it as stated in Hebrews 4:12

Whatever our collective motivations are what we can agree on is that we are way more divisive than not. And what perhaps divides us is our fearful allegiance to our self, our family or group. We all feel comfortable with our viewpoint and value system and we see others as trying to rob us of that.

And perhaps if our allegiance was really Jesus and God then we would shake the dust off our shoes to those that shun our message and say peace be unto this person, family and group.

Division's spiritual purpose can be light or dark. The nice thing is the Victor has already shown us the way...divisions dark forces sometimes bring about the greatest light and example of love.

Dare to Dream

This is not a typical post for me but so glad that it has inspired me to write again. This is my ode to the Cubs and what they mean to me and for me.

It may seem odd to be so dialed in to a baseball team. But there is a personal and franchise history that transcends normal sports for me.

What is odder is that I really could have cared less during the regular season for any sports team since I was maybe 12 years old. 

I think I officially "gave up" on the Cubs after the Bartman incident in 2003 when they made it to the playoffs. Frankly, I coined a new joke..You know Jesus is coming soon when the Cubs win the World Series. Given the world and political climate...maybe it is.:-)

Then the Giants started winning the world series every time they made it to the playoffs and so I dialed in during that time.The last time was 2014. I was in Burbank and would have lots of fun cheering them on. It was only during the playoffs and I would watch an occasional game at At&T park. That was the extent of what baseball meant to me as an adult. But I said I was glad to be living in a winning city and so glad I had outgrown the Cubs.:-)

The balance and normality of it was thrown off with a vengeance when the Cubs made it to the playoffs in 2015. They again were stopped short of the World Series. I had hope as the back to the future movie prediction that in 2015 the Cubs had won the World Series...so I thought maybe it was a sign. :-) But it was not meant to be...but what was meant to be is that something deep inside me was awakened.

It was a time when I was fully alive, anticipated the future, was content and secure in who I was and my foundation was rooted and stable. And somehow..the Cubs reminded me of that time. It also reminded me that they had struggled for years and thru generations and never quite achieved what all baseball teams frankly have achieved in the last century...a World Series win. 1908 was a vastly different era and baseball was a very different sport. So now my now decades long dormancy and the Cubs century long hibernation awoke.  

Now I realized this team was actually very good and young and 2016 held great promise. So I knew I would be checking in come April 2016. And boy did I check in...I started by hearing the games..and the more they won...the more I was lured in. I literally regressed to 12 and it was a complete joy.

The season saw me finally cave in and order pay baseball so I could see the non nationally televised games. I saw the Cubs at AT&T park, the Oakland Coliseum and finally at Wrigley field...for the first time in decades with full joy. It reminded me that I would walk to games with my best friend when I was 17. It reminded me I had history that transcends time and that my love affair with the Cubs never really ended.

My Cubs had gone thru changes, grown up and yet still were the same. And now it was generations upon generations of fandom..that had awakened and dared to dream again.

And maybe that is what the symbolism is...that it is never too late to dare to dream again. That if you fail time and time again, and even if you get tantalizing close to your dream and then experience heart break... you take the down time and then dust yourself off make the changes that you can and slowly but surely when it is in your grasp you can pull out all the stops. You dare to act on your dream.

I don't know what the Post Season holds,for the Cubs or for me.  But what I do know...is it is good to reconnect, be fully alive and to dare to dream.

http://www.jpost.com/Opinion/In-Plain-Language-The-coming-of-the-Cubs-and-the-Messiah-470012

Carry Peace in Our Heart

It has been a long time since I penned something. I have been going thru a transition with some formal beliefs and so it almost felt hypocritical to write. 

But all I can be is me and as authentic as I can be given my limitations in perception.

This political season I have witnessed what I thought I never would. Our darkest angels summoned forth and a polarization that has at times even brought me in. Nothing wrong with criticizing or raising concerns if your conscious dictates but a fixed position that brings anger and judgement out is definitely not our better angels.

Then there is the filming of questionable police force and an enraged shooter and the tragedy in Nice. It happens so fast..and it is overwhelming at times.

I certainly carry joy more often than not. I feel blessed beyond belief in so many ways and for the first time feel I perceive life in a more balanced. fashion There are benefits, costs and risks in every situation and I learn from all of them.

So what of our current global and current microcosm of our political climate? All I can say is it is time to take a step back, not assume we know all the variables and judge a bit less harshly.

Our liberating goal would be to choose our actions, our focus and our reactions with some calm. And to choose to carry peace in our heart.

Not in our image but HIS

One of the beautiful things about letting go of preconceived notions that don't work is you open yourself up to what you know is true and yet surrender to what you don't know. That is namely God on both counts.

I had a surreal experience a week ago after Mass. This particular attendance was about embracing a God that I know is good and that the absence of Him is evil. I surrendered to knowing His Love far supersedes any human love and that our capacity to Love only grows thru challenges, thru connecting with those in His image deeply and thru being connected to Him..the source of all our love. So I connected with that knowing and surrendered and stayed silent and got emotional and teared up.

The word too, who the bible says is Jesus, spoke to me. The various gifts we all have but they come from the same spirit..the Holy spirit. And even the Gospel about the wedding at Cana. How Mary help usher in Jesus ministry. It seemed the Holy Spirit, who had a special relationship with Mary and because of that bore Jesus were all there by the powerful word at the very least. Ok no paraphrasing--so at  the end of this story are the full scriptures.

And so with this I left, keeping the prayer alive in my heart and mind. It was pouring rain at 7pm this Sunday. And as I crossed the street right from the church..maybe 20 feet down the other side of the street. I heard a screech and cry "oh my God".  

I knew what this was without even turning. I prayed "Dear God in Heaven" and I turned around and ran to the scene of the accident. It was an elderly man named Bob, 85 who was down..his wife standing over him. The lady who hit him was not out yet. 

I did what came naturally. I kneeled down and stroked the man's arm and kept saying it is going to be ok. Soon more people came.

The woman who hit the gentleman, came out and was very distraught and guilt ridden. One gentleman squatted to provide rain cover for the means head and upper body with his umbrella. Another man came by and asked all kinds of questions like what is your name, how old are you, where are you..how do you feel? All the answers were lucid. The man who asked all the right questions was a trauma nurse. Before I go further, every one involved at this scene..including the unintended victim and the distraught driver were all parishioners who had just left mass.

The driver called 911 immediately but it seemed to take forever for the ambulance and paramedics to get there. The driver was so distraught and guilt ridden that no matter what I said to ease some of her responsibility she protested. I then just asked her to pray for Bob..say a rosary. 

45 minutes later..the rain cover and the consoler who kept saying positive things were still there.

His wife had fallen but gotten up I then learned as she was hit as well. The paramedics attended to her immediately and she was then taken to a an ambulance and treated...while we were waiting for the paramedics to attend to and take her husband Bob away.

The professionals stepped in and as they put him on a stretcher..I noticed a comb and a soak drenched purse. I returned it to the driver who was now far away talking to the police.

As Bob was being carried away I asked, where are you taking him? They said San Francisco General as no nearby hospital has a trauma center and they needed to take him there just in case. 

Bob seemed to be doing ok by all accounts except for a sore hip according to what the paramedics said and what I could observe.

The driver came to me to ask and I told her where they were taking him. She said " I am going to go are you going". I said good and no. I felt my role was finished at this time.

As I walked away soaked, I marveled at what had just happened. We all were there with our own gifts brought by the same spirit.

May we embrace God in whatever ways He reveal Himself to us and know that is not in our image but HIS.

Reading 21 COR 12:4-11

Brothers and sisters:
There are different kinds of spiritual gifts but the same Spirit; 
there are different forms of service but the same Lord;
there are different workings but the same God
who produces all of them in everyone.
To each individual the manifestation of the Spirit
is given for some benefit.
To one is given through the Spirit the expression of wisdom;
to another, the expression of knowledge according to the
same Spirit;
to another, faith by the same Spirit;
to another, gifts of healing by the one Spirit;
to another, mighty deeds;
to another, prophecy;
to another, discernment of spirits;
to another, varieties of tongues;
to another, interpretation of tongues.
But one and the same Spirit produces all of these,
distributing them individually to each person as he wishes.

GospelJN 2:1-11

There was a wedding at Cana in Galilee,
and the mother of Jesus was there.
Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the wedding.
When the wine ran short,
the mother of Jesus said to him,
“They have no wine.”
And Jesus said to her,
“Woman, how does your concern affect me?
My hour has not yet come.”
His mother said to the servers,
“Do whatever he tells you.”
Now there were six stone water jars there for Jewish ceremonial washings,
each holding twenty to thirty gallons.
Jesus told them,
“Fill the jars with water.”
So they filled them to the brim.
Then he told them,
“Draw some out now and take it to the headwaiter.”
So they took it. 
And when the headwaiter tasted the water that had become wine,
without knowing where it came from
— although the servers who had drawn the water knew —,
the headwaiter called the bridegroom and said to him,
“Everyone serves good wine first,
and then when people have drunk freely, an inferior one;
but you have kept the good wine until now.”
Jesus did this as the beginning of his signs at Cana in Galilee
and so revealed his glory,
and his disciples began to believe in him.

A Pivotal Moment

Its January 31, 2015. We move to a new year soon and it is natural to reflect.

Our experiences are part in parcel a reflection of who we are at the moment. What works and what does not. We can tweak and re-choose and keep learning about ourselves and how we fit into this temporary mosaic.

2015 was momentous for me. I let go of pursuing acting in LA full time to part time by moving back to the bay. That was driven by many reasons..none the least of which was my health. When I moved back I launched an Airbnb business and was busy setting that up and refurnishing my home. 

I then followed up with the next steps to assess what was going on with my health and found out I had a very rare and super slow growth tumor in my lung. The cure was surgery and removing the middle lobe of my lung. I did not want that to be the answer...so I went on a rampage researching...getting all kinds of tests. Looking at natural cures etc. Eliciting prayers from close friends, acquaintances, people of all faiths...no holds bar.:-) Fear in over drive.

In the end I opted for the surgery. I had a fun bday and an amazing trip to Cabo prior and then chaos ensued. Long story short my life would never be the same again..my perception of reality changed and growth happened.

Despite all this the Surgery and recovery was a success.

We all know growth is a euphemism for an extremely painful experience, but you either grow or you get stuck in bitterness. 

The rest of my year was me getting past the bitterness and embracing the deepened friendships, a deeper and less rigid faith, and embracing a new dating experience where I had to learn to communicate in a healthy way and where I learned boundaries and compromise.

So I smile now..knowing that no matter what curves come my way or what is taken from me to the next world...no matter how crazy our world gets..I will be more than ok..and we will be more than ok. Rejoice life is a gift and cherishing it..thru all the ups and downs..is downright worth it.