Persevere to New Beginnings

My favorite month of the year is May. Spring is in full swing, it's my birthday month, also it is the month of the Blessed Virgin Mary and this year we have an entire month to celebrate the Easter season. And Easter symbolizes the most beautiful and miraculous event of our Lord Jesus persevering and leading us all to new beginnings.

May is bringing new beginnings for me in many ways. I am now living in new quarters with new people in the Miami area. I also begin my last full week residing here. Too, my life soon will begin anew as I return to my home, my friends and my life.

This week will also be the beginning of transitioning my work here to those whose job it is to turn the wheels of justice. There is peace in knowing I did everything I could to further the cause. Both in my small personal example and in our recent national and global example when we finally captured Osama Bin Laden, we see how perseverance eventually leads us to new beginnings.

However, there are always more reasons as to why the Lord takes you places than just one. It just seem to be HIS awesome way. What remains ahead, I can only speculate on. Yet, it is precisely this mystery that invites surrender, joy and wonder.

My new beginnings this week are in large part brought about by the Lord reteaching me some fundamental principles. Two of those principles include humility and surrender. Last week I took some leaps of faith and found that God addressed my concerns and questions before I had much time to even consider them. For example, some evidence that had eluded me ended with an attorney calling me to make arrangements that were most convenient for me to pickup the documents. Another is some financial risk was mitigated by a delay I had not planned. Even simple things such as what to do next after Church, helping a new friend celebrate her birthday and finding time to write this blog just fell into place.

However, the most poignant principle I was retaught this week was the principle that sin comes from within. The most chaotic event, which finally resolved itself, was learning that sexual sin has no boundaries. It is no respecter of persons and can affect the old as well as the young.

Our secular world defines our sexuality as purely a hormonal/physical impulse that primarily affects younger people and is a chaotic mess that has a will of its own. However, our sexuality, which is one of the greatest expressions of love we can experience, begins it's distortion in our thoughts. The more our thoughts entertain, encourage and illicit sexual connections that are based on fantasy, the more divorced your sexuality is from reality. Lustful thoughts may randomly come and arouse us physically. But they have nowhere to go if we shift our focus and invite grace to come in. The more grace enters and changes our heart to love the less those lustful thoughts arise and have fertile ground to grow. Even if we stumble on occasion, the sin has no lasting hold if we embrace God's grace. Our perseverance in rejecting the tempter yields to more grace.

On the flip side if we hold on to lustful thoughts, entertain them and encourage them, the next steps are self evident. After arousal we are led to act. Often masturbation comes first and from there acting out on the "object" of our desire. Objectifying a person is the antithesis of love. What sows in our heart is the life we will end up leading. And the longer we have lived our life embracing this destructive path, the more powerless we are to control it when the next person comes that triggers our entrenched pathways. How sad. We can end up being an 88 year old acting out impulsively, humiliating ourselves, the person who incredulously rejects our advances, and our loved ones. The sinful thought that we began entertaining long ago has born some ugly fruit.

However as we learned last week, even in the ugliest of circumstances God can surprise us by turning it into something beautiful. This is especially true if we follow His will. As we begin this new month of May, let us remember that the more we persevere in His will the greater the chance we have of allowing God's grace and love to spring us into new beginnings.

The Ultimate Joyous Meditation

Today marks the beginning of the most joyous 50 days in the Christian calendar, the Easter Season. We are to begin the festivities as the 40 day Lenten journey has come to a close. This Easter Triduum had me reflecting on all the events that led to the crowning victory of Jesus conquering sin and death, Satan's contribution, through Jesus resurrection. I reflected on my Lenten journey. I thought of Jesus prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” He repeated the same prayer in slightly different words 3 times. Despite the victory and joy He knew would come, the horror on so many levels he was about to face caused him to ask to want to skip this moment, and yet He acquiesced to God's will.

So what does this account of Jesus all giving love and triumphant glory have to do with us personally? Ok, its true He called us friends and we are created in the image of God. But what does that mean? Perhaps it means that we too ultimately have the same cries and can look forward to the same triumphs.

As I mentioned in last weeks blog, this has been a mysterious interruption for me. As I began the restorative justice ministry, I could not have foreseen that the other aspect of it, the healing and restitution of the victim would unexpectedly became very personal for me. Nor could I have foreseen that it would take front and center stage. Certainly, I had not planned it nor wanted to take it on to this extent. However, God has his own plans and design.

So why am I in Miami so abruptly? I have detail some background as I weave in the answer. My adoptive father's death in Miami almost 4 years ago was marred by tragedies too horrific to believe. His death was hidden, and due to a lag in communication I was only informed of it a year and a half ago. I was his only daughter and the shear shock and emotion caused me do all I could to uncover the how and why and rectify it as best I could. I could not believe given the past history of my adoptive father and I, that I would end up being his only advocate.

In late February of this year, as the criminal case slowly progressed, the civil case came to a screeching halt when my legal counsel abandoned the case. For weeks, I tried to secure alternate counsel by phone from California but to no avail. I finally hit my own wall and recognized I would either have to step it up or let it go. That first weekend in April came, and I was exhausted. So I turned I turned in prayer and asked if you want be to give up this civil battle I will.

The next week a lawyer called a second time to hear of my case. One thing led to another and she said to come right away as the statutes were expiring and her firm had decided to take the case on a limited basis. Prior to her communication, I had already weighed the decision to drop everything and go to Miami but I wanted to delay this til the end of May. This decision had me feeling unrest. The attorney's urgent request caused me to do a 180. After this decision, I woke up feeling peace the following morning.

Although, God had revealed to me that He wanted me in Miami, I knew the catalyst of what brought me out here, namely the attorney's request, was not going to be the end of why I was being brought out here. And so it was.

This past week was my Garden of Gethsemane. I foresaw that the attorney which brought me out to Miami, would abandon the case. Monday she officially did. So here I was having to scramble at the eleventh hour for substitute counsel, postponing the gathering of evidence and postponing assisting the overtaxed law enforcement and legal system. In my scrambling, I met with more attorneys whose fear, pragmatism and laziness would mirror both prior attorney's motivation, in differing aspects, in abandoning me and the case.

On Wednesday, in the midst of turmoil and exhaustion, in the midst of holy week, I still knew I was brought out here for a reason. The signs still kept pointing me to pursuing justice and restitution. Yet the cost on so many levels was great, and the intense agony led me to thoughts of what lay ahead. Too, I again questioned my own steps and motivations as my own outrage fueled me as I kept discovering all the events and participants that led to my own personal tragedy.

Yet the only peaceful answer I have found is in surrendering to God's will. So I cried first in tears and then in prayer, I pleaded again as I had while I was still in California, "I am ready to let this go and yet if it is still your will, please show me and your will be done".

The answer came in a whisper and then loud and clear the next day. Even though I had not planned to do this, doors opened that had been shut and I gathered more information with greater ease than at any other time prior. Aside from finally finding an alternate attorney, I recognized that he was the one I should choose. And, more importantly, I spoke with an attorney who had direct experience with the people who had stolen not only my adoptive father's assets and possibly his life but his dignity. This particular attorney had sued them prior representing other people who had not been paid for services rendered. The personal now had become more global.

Our heavenly Father's unconditional love manifests itself in a myriad of ways. When some of us are enslaved in passions such as greed and we get away with breaking the law in pursuit of those passions, we are rewarded to continue. This can not lead to a good end for anyone and least of all to those enslaved with this behavior. God's love, mercy and justice give all of us a chance to embrace redemption. However, that process has to start somewhere and oftentimes it starts with loving justice, the timeout to experience conversion and redemption. Of course there are no guarantees that this will happen but at least the opportunities are granted. And just as it takes a village to raise child, it takes a village to help someone commit crime and, also, to allow them to keep committing them.

I find it amazing as we enter the joy of the Easter Season how God can turn something as ugly as what Christ endured into something beautiful and redemptive. May we meditate on the meaning of justice, sacrifice, love and the ultimate joy and glory of the resurrection this Easter.

And in a personal way let us reflect on how the ugly in our own lives, can be transformed into something beautiful and redemptive as well, if we but follow God's will. This may be one of our ultimate joyous meditations.

A Graceful Timeout

Sorry for the long hiatus. I am in the midst of a mysterious interruption in my journey and am in Miami, Fl. The reason I am here is ironically tied to the most challenging ministry I started about 3 weeks ago.

About 10 years ago, I had my first wave of wanting to do prison ministry. They discouraged me from getting involved. Even writing letters was dangerous they said, since the prisoners could track my address and open me up to unwanted attention. I could use a PO Box I thought. So It didn't deter me, but in the end I was refused.

This time the inspiration came again during my confirmation classes last October. We were reflecting on a passage with the word "free" in it. Of course I fixated on that word. For me my freedom has been my most cherished gift. It has no doubt prevented me from committing to people and things my heart wasn't 100% in. It also is something I have sought to obtain through finances.

As I reflected on how much I LOVE my freedom, I thought of the antithesis, prison. Sure most of have prisons in our heads, some of which we are aware of and some which we are not. But I thought about those in physical prisons and their lack of freedom. I thought of Matthew 25 13-40 "and you visited me in prison." The desire to reach out came back again.

I inquired at my parish and was told about the restorative justice ministry through St. Vincent De Paul. After they told me of the various programs, I was specifically drawn to the youth ministry. http://www.svdp-sanmateoco.org/youth.html I also liked the aspect of ministering to and of restitution for the victims as part of the ministry cycle. I decided to pursue it upon my return of my trip to Peru in December.

After three months going through the application process, my first visit and training session was finally scheduled. As March 27, 2011 approached, I began to get very nervous and requested the prayers of various friends. I ended up accompanying Chaplain Martin Schurr to perform a communion service. And much to my my dismay, instead of visiting teenage girls we were escorted to the "roughest" teenage boys facility.

As we waited for the door to open, Chaplain Marty told me that we had no control over where we went and sometimes are even sent away. Wow..what a journey of faith! He told me there was a school, a court house, exercise area, and social workers all in this enclosed facility. There was no where to travel, you were in all purpose prison.

When we finally came in, I saw about 20-25 young men sitting in their fold out chairs. I didn't know what to expect, and I was uncharacteristically timid. Chaplain Marty did most of the talking and only had to call out once to stop some giggling.

Chaplain Marty began by telling his story. He came from a dysfunctional family. His father was an alcoholic who spent all his money on booze and never had enough money left over even to buy his son a new pair of shoes. His father's nickname for him was sh**head. His mother was very depressed and eccentric and would often be in pajamas all day. He was embarrassed and never brought any friends over and was angry for having to wear shoes with holes in them.

His pain and anger led him to choices that landed him in a juvenile detention center (JTC) like the one they were in. This ironically is where grace stepped in. Here he met Joe an older man who volunteered at the JTC. Joe was a very peaceful man, and Marty liked talking with him. With time Marty and Joe became friends, and Joe got him a job when Marty was released.

Then one day while working the "boss" yelled at Joe. Marty became very upset as his friend did not merit this treatment. He wanted to defend Joe and was going to show the boss a thing or two. Joe quickly asked Marty, do you really want to help me? Of course said Marty, and I am going to. No said Joe, if you really want to help me, lets pray for the "boss". Joe said the boss is probably stressed in trying to keep the business going, to be able to pay his employees etc.


Marty was shocked. He didn't agree or understand but followed Joe's request. Then Marty asked Joe why are you doing this? Joe told him he was Catholic and this was his faith. Slowly Chaplain Marty came to regard this man as a father and with time Marty made other choices that led him to enter religious life.

Marty said that if we choose to carry around anger and pain, then this will lead us to choices that will create more anger and pain. He cautioned them to really think about why they are here and to make other choices so that they don't end up in a real adult prison. Marty also told them just because you have an uncle or other family member there does not mean you are destined to go there. Your fate is in your hands.

I was riveted there listening and thinking why am I here? Chaplain Marty then introduced me and invited to share a little about myself. I told the boys I was from Chicago and had lost my mother at 16 and soon after was on my own. I told them that although I may not share their background, one thing I did share with them was feeling very angry as a youth and that I carried this anger for a long time. I shared with them that the only thing that melted that anger was love, and you can't love if you have never been loved. And even if they had not experienced love yet, that it was my hope that today was the beginning of their encounter with love. As I looked around, I was amazed to see that these simple words had opened some of their eyes and that they were looking at me and nodding in agreement.

In the service, Chaplain Marty ended up having me read most of the readings. I was amazed at how the holy spirit guided me through hick ups that invited the boys to "help" me. After the service, in this authentic and trusting moment, a couple of boys asked me questions about God's love. One in particular, Hector, shared some deeper personal struggles. I was moved. A lot seemed to stem around forgiveness; forgiving those who have hurt you and forgiving yourself.

The last thing I said to Hector, who was haunted by violent memories of his parents and voodoo practices of his family, was to pray because God's power overcomes anything. I added, God will put people in your path that will help you. He smiled and said like you and Chaplain Marty, and I nodded.

Injustice, hurt and evil are realities we all encounter one way or another. We can look at how we participate in creating these realities, and how we respond after we notice what has happened by our collective blind choices.

Those unexpected interruptions in life that come up may be God's call. That interruption may be a stint in juvenile hall, the loss of a job, an unexpected illness, a timeout with a friend or family member, or a call for justice. And as we approach holy week, let us reflect on those interruptions. They very well may be a graceful timeout.

A Sure Path to Joy

Seeking a path to joy is the reason I started the certification process for Theology of the Body last month. It was something a good friend of mine had suggested I explore on numerous occasions. All I knew about it was it had something to do with sex and chastity.

Now midway through the classes, I realize that it is much deeper and broader than I ever imagined. It has made me concur with George Weigel's description that it is a “theological time bomb set to go off".

Although this blog will only scratch the surface, it is my hope I can do justice to this complex topic, and that you will inspired to dig deeper into this joy afterward. There is both a wikepdia article and a book that is a quicker and easier read on this subject.

So humbly, here I begin:-). The Christian faith and it's timeless principles have around for over 2,000 years, and every generation has had it's challenges with it. I feel this is because our fallen/disordered nature hasn't changed either but only our knowledge of the physical universe and the given theories and circumstances we inherit. We remain and will always be, in this reality, largely ignorant of infinity.

Theology of the body is the perfect angle in the beautiful prism of truth that speaks to us now. According to theology of the body, our body and our complimentary sex is a divine representation of God. In other words, we are created in the image of God. By sex I mean our maleness and femaleness which is stamped on our bodies, minds and spirits.

This dignity of the body came to fruition when the Word became flesh. In other words when God became man through Jesus Christ. By this act, He made us aware of the dignity of the body. He took on flesh to redeem, and restore it through the resurrection. We are not meant to transcend the flesh but restore it and embrace the entirety of our embodied spirits.

In our bodies lies the stamp of self gift one for the other, woman for man and man for woman. Because this is how we are designed, to completely give ourselves to the other and become one, it is in this nuptial union that we come closest to experiencing divine love here on earth.

Through the nuptial union, the sexual embrace, comes the possibility of new life. In fact without this union we would not exist. In this nuptial union then lies the meaning of our whole existence and the meaning of life. From this comes the deepest foundation of our human ethics and culture.

In simple language, as sex goes, so goes marriage and the family. As marriage and the family go, so goes the world.

Yes there are anomalies just as we are designed to see and some of us are born blind. And, as a culture we have tried to change the rules of sex and new life. I believe there are three main reasons we do this and brings me to the core of our human struggle.

Freud, Marx and Nietzsche all had their theories on what motivates human beings. Freud thought it was all about the lust of the flesh (sex), Marx thought it was the lust of the eyes (money, economics), and Nietzsche thought it was the pride of life (power or our will to dominate). One could argue they are all tied together.

In juxtaposition, the virtues that free us from these motivations are the same virtues the religious take in the Catholic faith. Chastity (for sex), poverty (for money) and obedience(the desire to dominate/pride/power ). These are so contrary to what our disordered state wants and, not surprisingly our culture, that it seems both horrible and impossible to embrace.

It's horrible perhaps because it seems like we are dieing and in a sense we are. Our baser side dies. On the other hand, we are freed from this struggle between our baser side and our divine impulses. In our disordered state we struggle with these baser desires. This certainly doesn't lead to peace or joy.

On the one hand if you indulge your baser desires thinking they will lead to happiness, you will want more. That is because happiness is a temporary state that will always lead to wanting more. Instead of finding more happiness however you ultimately find emptiness. If you unleash your baser desires you at best become a slave to them and at worst you self destruct and harm those around you.

Along with becoming free from these struggles, the virtues free us to truly love others (not lust after or use them), pursue and create what we love(instead of pursuing money), and to love God (instead of trying to be Him). All this Love enables us to be truly joyful, and we no longer feel compelled to chase happiness, the counterfeit of joy.

Is it impossible? No. It's obvious that it's not easily attainable, but the first step is you have to want it. A famous St. Augustine saying before his conversion was God grant me the virtue of chastity but not just yet! Because this virtue begins with what your heart and mind entertain you have to start wanting it there. If you choose it inside first,your body will follow suit.

Chastity is when your sexual passions are in subordination to your will. In other words you choose when to engage in that self expression in thought and in action. You rule it and it doesn't rule you. Then you are truly free to love another. You can then choose to express it in an exclusive way in the nuptial union. It even extends into the nuptial union. In other words, chastity doesn't end when you get married, its a way of life. Your focus is on the other and what they want--Love never self seeks.

Love is love before, after and beyond. Love is the fruit of chastity and ALL the virtues. May we have the grace to educate and be educated on Love and embrace the sure path to joy.

Honor your father and your mother

Every year on March 4th, I remember my mother. She passed away that day in 1981. I can scarcely believe it has been 30 years. That's longer than many of my friends age. What I find fascinating is that it doesn't matter if it's been 5 or 30 years, my feelings are always the same. My feelings of melancholy morph into sadness then morph into tears that end in joy. This year was no different.

However, what was different was the way I honored my mother and her memory. March 4th landed on a first Friday this year which is the scheduled time for the Taize prayer. http://www.suite101.com/content/taize-a176115

I decided it would be great to honor my mother in this time of prayer with a few close friends. Along with the prayer service, I wanted to remember her by sharing a Peruvian dish and also pulling out some of my favorite pictures of her.

Sharing special memories of my mom with friends, brought her alive to me and to them. Sharing pictures allowed my friends to see her in me. Sharing the Peruvian dish, lomo saltado, helped me share with my friends part of her culture. However, the most moving part was having them share in the prayer service. Of course my tears had been primed when I shared memories of my mother before the prayer service.

However, those tears paled in comparison to the tears that happened at the prayer service. The dark chapel lit by candlelight, the soft, melodic choral singinging of repeated prayers, the company of friends who were only there to support me, and my mother's memory were all just enough to have my tears flow for about 30-40 minutes. A friend started crying too, and I thought when will the tears cease? After the allotted time they did and peace came.

We ended the evening at my house eating, sharing, being present and being vulnerable. It was beautiful.

There is a Spanish saying that you die three times. Once when you leave your physical body behind, another when people stop visiting your grave, and the last when people stop talking about you.

Of course my thoughts turn to Jesus. It's ironic, but with this definition, Jesus is arguably more alive now than when He walked the earth. Even though He is no longer there, people still visit the Holy Sepulchre daily in Jerusalem. He is called by name intentionally and in vain daily by millions of people. And of course, what He said and did are talked about on Sunday at churches all over the world.

With Jesus in mind, aside from keeping my mother alive in special ways on special days, I can I keep her alive and honor her best by being the best person I can be. And, that can best be assured by letting God work through me and honoring Him, my Heavenly Father. How sweet it is to honor your father and your mother:-).

God's Complete Command

A few weeks ago I began a journey at my church with their expanded version of Gallup's "Living your Strengths" book. The Clifton Strenghtfinder assessment yielded my top 5 themes as Command, Input, Activator, Connectedness and Self Assurance. This week's blog will focus on command.

As I researched the theme of command, I was naturally led to the theological source first. Most of us, whether religious or not, have heard of the ten commandments.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Commandments.

Jesus simplified them into two commandments. An excerpt from wikepedia states: When asked what is the greatest commandment, Jesus is portrayed by the Gospels of Mark[12:28–34] and of Matthew[22:34-40] as stating that the first two commandments, and the greatest, are
1.One should love God with one's entire heart, soul, mind, and strength
2.One should love one's neighbour as one would love oneself

There are many ways to look at the same thing and commandments are no different. Commandments have been softened to mean the "golden rule" or "guidelines on how to live joyfully and peaceably." God wants us to be joyful and so He generously told us what it takes to be joyful. It would make sense since He designed us, and if we are in His image he would know what is required to makes Him and us joyful.

But what does commandment mean? Well according to Meriam Webster, it simply means to command, an edict or an imperative (religious term). So what does command mean? Again, Merriam Webster defines command as : 1: to have or exercise direct authority : govern, 2: to give orders 3: to be commander, 4: to dominate as if from an elevated place.

Hmm..to exercise authority, to dominate from an elevated place, to give orders. It makes sense God is authoritative, since He is the author of everything and everyone. However, people have been granted authority too; the government, police, teachers, parents etc. If we have issues with authority then we will reject it in all forms and simultaneously reject any authority we may be granted individually. But this is food for thought for another blog.

This theme of command and the concept of authority becomes very personal for me. Of the five themes, command ranked number one for me. This agrees with my experience and what friends shared with me. In acknowledging that it is such a part of who I am, the command theme has and will come out consciously and unconsciously. When it is honed and directed consciously, it can be a great asset to others and simultaneously give me peace. However, while choosing to hone and be conscious of my command characteristics seems the best course of action overall, it may not always be what God deems best every time. Sometimes I have to accept that to challenge, take charge and even let loose at times is what I meant to to do, popular or not. It will also put me on the firing line on controversial subjects.

I'll end this reflection with John 2:15-17.

He made a whip out of chords and drove them all out of the temple area, with the sheep and oxen, and spilled the coins of the money-changers and overturned their tables, and to those who sold doves he said, "Take these out of here, and stop making my Father's house a marketplace." His disciples recalled the words of scripture, "Zeal for your house will consume me."

Jesus' love here puts God first, the first commandment we are to observe. The first three of the ten commandments all pertain on how we are to love God. Jesus' putting God first is what led him to love us so much and suffer and die for us. However, this particular scripture where Jesus wrath is displayed in the temple is often misunderstood, not accepted, criticized and skipped. It may be that what we often skip has great pearls of wisdom. It is my prayer that we search for, acknowledge, trust and eventually Love God's complete Command.

A Measure of Our Passion

This week, as almost all my weeks this year, has been full of daily surprises and joys. That is because I am getting back in touch and following childhood passions, and most importantly letting God lead the way. Wednesday, I reflected a lot on passion. It was the day I was one of hundreds of extras in the Matt Damon film "Contagion".

It was a painful day. I can think of little worse than waiting around all day in a state of constant ambiguity. The surroundings consisted of a large tent where we were housed in and picnic tables and benches for us to eat and sit. Outside the sun, rain and wind seemed to rhythmically dance all day. Our redemption was plenty of chips, cookies, bagels, fruit, and coffee and drinks.

Yet, hundreds of people were choosing to endure all of this. While waiting, some talked to the crew, some talked to others they were sitting next to, and some even laid their heads on the picnic tables to sleep. Why? We were getting paid but it wasn't much. Was it a fascination with perhaps getting discovered? Was it the thrill of being in a major movie no matter how small the part? Was it a chance at getting to see someone famous? Was it the thrill of a new experience and the adrenalin of the unknown? Perhaps, all of these and more were the reasons for the hundreds that were there.

The sacrifices I made seem to pale given some of the stories I heard. One gal was missing her sister's 30th birthday, and seem to war a bit with it. I heard of another woman who came all the way from Sonoma, had rented a motel room told all her friends she was going to be in the film and was terribly excited. All this for what? They and a lot us were never filmed. The weather, the unpredictability and the organic nature of shooting a film makes this the case sometimes.

Amazingly, up until the point we were told filming was done for the day, most everyone was patient, civil and I dare say happy to be there. I began to think and talk about our incredible patience. Are we near as patient on the road, waiting in line at the store, waiting in most any occasion? I don't think so. So our passion allows us to endure, sacrifice and, yes, even suffer for that we which we desire.

This is a good starting point to the query of what is passion? Some common examples are romantic passion, creative passion and Christ's passion. Their difference seems obvious, but is there a thread that's the same?

To begin to answer this perhaps we should start by researching the origin of the word passion. According to wikepedia, the etymological origins of the word lie in the Greek verb paschō, to suffer. The Latin word passio[2] is used with reference to Christ's mortal suffering in the Vulgate. Here, the Greek and Latin roots refer to suffering and Christ's suffering respectively.

Now lets look at Merriam-Webster's modern definition of passion; (Often capitalized) a : the sufferings of Christ between the night of the Last Supper and his death; b : an oratorio based on a gospel narrative of the Passion; 2 obsolete : suffering; 3 : the state or capacity of being acted on by external agents or forces; 4 a (1) : emotion (2) plural : the emotions as distinguished from reason b : intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction c : an outbreak of anger; 5 a : ardent affection : love b : a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept c : sexual desire d : an object of desire or deep interest.

Number 2 is interesting. This original definition of passion meaning suffering is now obsolete. But is it? Number 3 happened as we waited on possibly being filmed as an extra in the movie. We were acted upon by external agents or forces. 4 and 5 are common uses of the word passion. Emotions that are distinguished from reason. It follows that this emotion/ feeling/conviction is intense, driving and overmastering. It would have to be in order for it to overpower your reason. By virtue of this definition our passions can cause suffering because they subvert reason and impel us to surrender and endure the consequences. I have to laugh given the story I started out with.

Passion by its very nature makes us endure things we normally would not want to. Christ endured because of his Love for God and us. He chose and surrendered to His father's will. When we love or feel passionately about someone or something, we endure. We are long suffering, patient, driven and surrender to the higher call. It seems obvious what we choose to surrender to is of great implication not only to ourselves but others. It is also seems obvious we suffer with whatever passion our heart leads us to choose.

The good news is passion allows us to happily endure because the end is so desired. Our passion creates meaning in our lives and make us feel alive. Passion keeps us coming back despite obstacles. Whether we are being rejected by a date or friend, repeatedly failing to make a project come to fruition, or are faced with the repeated choice of having to die to some form of self for a higher call, the question remains the same. Do we keep pursuing the object of our affection or do we turn elsewhere? In answering our question, turn to God who created our passions. It is not that we desire too much but, often, that we desire too little. In surrendering, let Him increase the measure of our passion.