A Sea of Love

I am at the coast at half moon bay. So many words that have moved me....so many experiences too. I guess I will start with the phrase that stared at me as I approached this blog entry journey. Written on the bench I was about to sit in-- "The voice of the sea speaks to the soul."

Yesterday while on a hike with my church group I reflected on two things. One is that our eyes face outward so our focus is on the other..we can't see our own face. The oddest thing caused me to think of this. We were warned of ticks along the way and I told a friend of mine that I would take off the ticks I see on her and she could take off the ticks she sees on me. What we see is the other, my friend, and my friend sees the other, me. How beautiful that we were designed to take care of one another.

How we see brought me to the sea. I also took note as we hiked along the coast..that our world is more sea than land and I wondered why. I am sure there are scientific theories as to why this might be. However, I will speculate on the subjective human perspective:-).

We were not meant to live on the water and yet our soul does feel a special call to be near it. The look and sound of the waves soothes us. I think of our other senses that we may not notice that also beckon us, the smell, the touch of it. But definitely not the taste:-). The sea also has great mammals that are noble and intelligent and that we admire and enjoy. It also has a mammal we don't understand and fear. It's a sign of what we need and a dream of what we want. Enjoying the ocean often requires solitude and listening and hence is a great way to commune with God.

So in this sea of writing I hope I can really begin to see. To see that love and God always take care of things no matter how it may seem, and when I begin to worry, especially about someone else, pray..pray pray..the almighty God is already at work trying to comfort and open new doors...and if we love Him we will in turn really see the other and love..love..love.

The Redemptive Nature of Conflict

Most of us disdain conflict, except maybe attorneys. Conflict can take the form of inner conflict, conflict with God, and conflict in relationships. Show me a person who no longer experiences conflict and chances are that someone is dead. Jesus had conflict as well. In and of itself conflict is not bad. Its what we think about conflict and how we choose to deal with it that determines how we grow.

In any situation conflict challenges us. Emotions are stirred with-in us and it gets messy. It makes us look inside and dig deeper into our motivations and our conflicts with those motivations. There are layers upon layers inside of us. Often we first wrestle with another's motivations and their layers to circumvent the more painful and tedious process of examining our own. It requires more of us, and so we often choose not to deal with it. It's easier to rationalize and pull back or give up. The old saying pick your battles is true--conflict can be exhausting.

But conflict is also necessary. It is necessary for intimacy in this life. Think of the conflict that happens when you battle to make time for God or to really open yourself up to God. There is someone else that doesn't want that relationship to grow. Think about the feelings of conflict you may have with God every once in awhile...how do you deal with that? Certainly running away or rationalizing does not foster the intimacy. It is the same with our personal relationships and then some.

I often battle when things seem unjust and people are hurt. Hence, it may not seem like it, but I am afraid of conflict as well. This is especially true in relationships that mean something to me. That first conflict usually decides the fate of the relationship for me.

Peeling back the layers is scary, sometimes we don't want to see things about ourselves and about others and about our relationships. Last time I checked however illusions don't last. The beauty of conflict is that you can begin to be loved for who you really are and you can begin to love others for who they really are. As you both accept who you are, you are then free to choose to change and sacrifice and stretch to help build a closer relationship or decide to part ways if you both decide you can't move forward.

Conflict can be the pathway to realizing that freedom. You will only feel loved and have the freedom to truly love if you have the freedom to change your actions or not. You can choose different actions and still be who you are. Conflict makes you feel alive emotionally by making you aware of two opposing forces. It builds character by allowing you the opportunity to embrace the truth and eventually the opportunity to forgive.

We all have many lessons to learn through conflict. My lesson is to not runaway form it initially or when the heat gets too hot in the kitchen. What's your lesson? Love (God) endures all things and hopes for all things. In the end, conflict may be the divine pathway toward redemption. Certainly Jesus' conflict with the world had Him allow the crucifixion. But it also allowed the resurrection and the beauty of redemption, love and forgiveness. May God help us through the redemptive nature of conflict.

The Magic of God's Grace

I LOVE when God surprises me. Yesterday was a magical day. It would not have seemed the thing to expect given a tumultuous Friday and partying too hard that night in part due to my emotions being so raw.

Saturday morning I woke up tired after 5 hours of sleep. I became aware of Friday and the week in general, but then something magical happened. I started with a brief prayer, and then I went about with actions. I cleaned and organized my room then cleaned the bathroom. I was getting ready for my special guest for the day.

As usual I had a joyful peace as I walked to classes, and I greeted and smiled with the people who crossed my path. I took that with me into my classes and the new day brought a new reality. Friday was Friday and today was today. The classes were sweet and magical.

Then there was an atypical delay in starting our workout in fitness class. I had a little angst as I had to pick up my guest at the airport by 1200pm. Even though he had given me permission to be late, I did not want him to be waiting so long. After the work out, I dashed out. Grace multiplied as his flight was a bit delayed, and I finished working out minutes after he had arrived.

We spent a magical day together. We enjoyed just being and the beauty of God's world. We appreciated the magic of touch and affection. We freely shared thoughts and allowed a free connection to happen.

We then went to Redondo beach to experience a glimpse of the vast life in the ocean by going on the looking glass boat tour. The fish had glorious colors. A narrow silver one with a lightning blue streak, a fat orange one called Garibaldi, a fat opaque grey one with a white dot on it's back and glowing olive on it its fins. Their eyes also had a beautiful shade of blue. There were dozens of some and hundreds of others.

It made me think of how each fish was a unique representation of life. From a distance each species looked the same. However, if you looked closely enough at each one, each one was unique. Lastly there was a dazzling gold choral of plant life that amazed me.

It reminded me that life is vast and God's handiwork is always expanding. I couldn't even experience all that vastness even if I chose to spend all my waking moments just exploring. It made living forever seem just about the right amount of time it would take:-).

We then ate at a restauarant and enjoyed the oceanviews. We ended by settling in for a bit at Manhattan beach. What a quaint yet perfectly organized and zealously guarded town. Aside from the beach parking lot patrol men ready to inform you of the rules of the lot, there were a myriad of volleyball nets on the beach, cute little shops and restaurants and a variety of architecture. We fell inlove with some colonial Spanish styled condos and daydreamed of what it would be like to live there.

There were many surprising moments yesterday. The most surprising was my guest's decision to purchase a rosary after seeing one hanging on my rear view mirror. There are subtle and not so subtle ways we influence each other. It can be so beautiful.

There is beauty in just being, in the freedom to dream and the freedom to love. This is the grace of living, and the rest can be washed away. If these moments are influenced or caused by collective prayer, I am eternally grateful for the pure injection of God's grace.

Thank you God for letting the rest be washed away and keep me in that embrace. And the next time, if there is a next time that the enemy injects poison into my inner world, please remind me that I can uniquely combat it with a prayer then truth and love. I can then leave it behind, and experience the magic of God's grace.

Our Unique Gift to Lead and Love

We are in the last day of July which is about mid way through summer. Some of us are taking vacations, enjoying the fruits of our labor. Some like me are taking a minivaction on a Sunday at the beach. I am here at Redondo Beach near the pier reflecting on my summer adventure at Holywood.

I gave a speech about a week ago in the Leadership class. This class specifically details leading like Jesus. I couldn't help but integrate what I learned thru strength finders and my top four gifts given by the almighty himself namely Command, Input, Activator, Connectedness and Self Assurance. What came of it was the following speech slightly modified. I hope it inspires and allows all of us to dig deeper into the glorious majesty and mystery of being made in God's image.


It is always true for me that when I hear and read hours of information there is always some things that stand out more than others.. If what I learning validates my experience it sticks more.
What have I learned?

First, I found it interesting that the servant leadership paradigm is being studied and implemented in our secular world. I found it both interesting and paradoxical that it seems to be effective. Paradoxical because our culture, despite being Christian and Catholic for so long, has not dared to embrace what Jesus taught until now. I know throughout most of my life I struggled between what I heard the culture telling me, my own nature and what Christ presented.

The surrender of the culture and my nature to open to what Christ presents was a decision I made only recently, and it is a daily decision and struggle. I know that emptying myself so that God can fill me is the truest path to discovering myself and my vocation. This leads me to the two attributes I find most attractive in leaders and characteristics I wish to hone for myself.

Humility and confidence. Humility makes me teachable, curious, open and present. The reality is I have infinity to learn and a finite amount of time to learn in this life. So being open to every opportunity whether in prayer or in my moment to moment life is a goal I strive for. It is also where I find God.

Confidence or self assurance is the knowledge that I am created by God in his image and that he loves me more than all of humanity, including myself, could ever love me. Just as importantly, that my experience of working the talents that God has given me has led to the affirmation of what I am capable of doing and the knowledge of the intrinsic worth of what God has created. It is my goal to keep combating the voices inside and out that deny both realities not only for myself but those around me.

Humility and confidence can lead me to a vision. John Paul II, Mother Theresa and MLK had both attributes in my view. Humility led them to their visions by seeing, hearing and feeling what the world needed most. They graciously rose to the call. Their confidence in God and their call led them to their courage. And these attributes led to deeds and words that inspired, motivated and impacted the world in deep and significant ways. Humility and confidence led to passion, kindness, integrity, self sacrifice and a unique experience of what it means to love for them individually.

In discerning my call as a leader it always helps to humble myself before God's glorious power and have him lift me up to see the needs around me that impact me the most and call to me. Then my courage can be effectively applied to say what needs to be said and do the things that need to be done. May we all embrace our unique gift to lead and love from Our Father in Heaven.

Keep the Sabbath Day Holy

Keep the Sabbtah day holy. This is the third commandment, and is in line with, love God with all your might, mind and strength. Out of all my new year's resolutions, this has been one of the more difficult to keep. Yet, it is actually one of the easiest to master. You can clearly see if you have lived it or not. It's a day of rest, a day you make time for the Lord and for connecting with loved ones and visiting the sick. You can enjoy nature and reflect on the Word. In short, you breathe and see the miracle of life around you.

Of course, if your profession has you working to serve the sick or conversely if your life circumstance has you being served because you are sick, then your day of rest is either a day of service or receiving the healing offered. I suppose if you could serve in your health care profession on the sabbath without pay, then it would be holier.
However, for the vast majority of us, we do not HAVE to work or cause someone to work on the Sabbath.

It's simple really, you do your work, chores and shopping on the other days and you embrace the down time. I did it for awhile this year. What side tracked me was wanting to please other people and myself by following my own will and priorities. Soon my rationalization led to breaking the habit and ironically I felt uneasy, less peaceful.

Today, I begin anew. Knowing that God's guidelines are meant for our good. He designed us to love, serve and honor him precisely because that is what makes us joyful, complete and whole. We came from Him and to mirror Him is the truth of who we are.

Discipline is the ability to say yes and stick to your commitment even when it is difficult and knowing when to say no. It takes practice, devotion and openness to God. It takes humility and courage to let God be your guide. It takes humility and courage to know when you have lost your way and to turn back.

I must be free in my own will to obey and love. So first I must be free from the impulses that ensnare me to serve myself first. Then, I am free from the yo yo of reacting with anything but love. In short, I must be free from only seeing the fear of losing my pride, my money or security and my life.

The antitheis to obeying God is rebellion. Rebeling against God and others is anything but freedom and can lead to a tortured way of living. I find that my practice of discipline either inspires others or it threatens them. For the latter who rebel, all I can do is pray.

Yet, the focus must remain on my own relationship with God and others. How do I open to God and the many blessings He has in store for me? How do I open to God and serve him through others? And the most challenging for me, how do I put the needs of others before myself?

At times, however infrequent, if the true motivation is Love and honoring God's will, it is reproving one another that is required, and this too takes courage. For me it takes courage especially in close relationships. For sometimes I leave things unsaid. It takes a special grace to know when to speak and when to remain silent. If both always remain silent eventually this creates permanent silence in the relationship.

However, more often I don't exercise this principle consistently because I am constantly afraid this will mean I will be taken advantage of. I also find this concern in others as well. Yet, I find when I exercise this principle that I feel joyful and at peace.
The lack of faith that love is its own reward, and the desire to attach expectations is what is at the root of not putting others before yourself. Love is it's own reward, giving is it's own reward.

The blessing God has in store for me is beyond what I can expect, and perhaps not as immediately as I would like. And so, I exercise my faith this Sabbath day, knowing that by focusing on God (love) I will be filled with what is required to live out His will uniquely. So here I pray that I, and all of us, might be sanctified by honoring our Lord's command to keep the sabbath day holy.

Glorious Living

This first July blog I begin with two quotes and a You tube video. The quotes are from the Bible and one from Helen Keller, respectively and the You Tube is about the miracles that led and lead to the Corpus Christi(body of Christ) celebration which we had last Sunday. After that I explore what they mean to me and what they can mean for all of us.

Ephesians 1 vs. 11-12 "It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbg_dhI4XCs

“If we believe that the earth is ours, and that the sun and moon hang in the sky for our delight, there will be joy upon the hills and gladness in the fields because the Artist in our souls glorifies creation.”
Helen Keller, published in Personality, December, 1927

As I examine life from the intricacies of the human body to all the variables necessary to sustain life, I am in awe. Life and the universe with all it's rules and even with it's chaos, is a miracle.

The knowledge of only this universe is infinite, and hence we collectively know less than a measurable percentage of that. And, I personally only know perhaps 1/2 of 1 percent of all that we do know. A good analogy is math. If I can count to one trillion, how much closer are you to reaching the last number? We could have counted backwards and gotten the same answer. This teaches me humility.

In this humility, I can begin to understand what God wants for me and for us. Ephesians tells us. He just doesn't want pleasurable living, not just happy living but glorious living. What does glorious living mean? Helen Keller's' observation opens the window to our soul on how to begin to do that. If she could know this without being able to see with her eyes or hear with her ears than so can we!

Perhaps we need to be still in our minds and in our bodies. We need to let the noise of our will, our perception of what is real, our fears, and our God given need for love to melt away, so we can see and so we can feel God's love in everything. He can teach us what love really is through observation, study, prayer and the still small voice that speaks to us. Perhaps the greatest way we can know, and the way Ms. Keller knew was to experience this personal, physical and transforming love through an individual.

An individual like you and like me can manifest love and transform individuals. This brings me to how you and I can get closer to being that embodiment of love. The You-tube video tells us how you and I can become love.

If God is Love, then Jesus is the embodiment of Love. His biggest gift to us was the sacrifice of his body and blood. And His gift keeps on giving because he is present in the Eucharist and the Consecrated Wine. The love of the Holy Spirit transforms the bread and wine and Jesus becomes present and is a present for us.

If we are what we eat, then the more we partake of His body and blood the more we are transformed to be like Him. To live as He lived. To live boldly and fully, to love fully, to know and to be known and to live forever. If we have this faith, this reality becomes manifest.

In our quest to find love and meaning in our lives, we need look no further than Jesus Christ. He embodied our worth, our potential and Love. May we embrace, give and seek Love always. For putting our Triune God first is to put Love first, and here is our witness for glorious living.

The Real Power of Prayer

It is often said that communication is key in relationships. I find often that actions speak much louder than words. Whenever I am ambivalent and/or see ambivalence between action and word, it is often the action that will ultimately decide where your heart really is. And there is little point fighting it, for in the end you are either in something or you are not.

Our relationship with God is much the same. We can talk about praying, we can pay lip service to God but unless our action and our body matches our words our heart is not really in it. I have found little and big answers have come in my life when I get down on my knees, pour my heart out to God and in humility ask for guidance or help.

I am digging back to the beginning of my prayer life in sharing one experience with you. I do this in the hope this example of prayer experience will help you as well as re-energize me into what is possible. As we get older, more confident and self sufficient, it is easy to not only lose sight of praying, our communication with God, but also to change our relationship with God. It is certain our relationship with God matures and changes as we go thru life, but I feel that we feel closest to God when we are vulnerable and depend on Him. It mirrors the times we feel closest to one another.

My new found faith started at age 20 and led to my first divine connection in what I refer to as my wallet story. I was a sophomore in college and had just come back from having lunch with a friend at Garcia's Pizza in Champaign, Il. Sometime afterward, I noticed that I could not find my wallet.

So I did the logical thing. First, I looked all over the house. When that yielded nothing, I then retraced my steps as to when and where it was that I had last seen my wallet. It was at Garcia's. I called the restaurant and they had nothing, I then called my friend to see if I had left it in her car and again no luck. Logically, the only other place it could have fallen was in between my friend's car and my home.

I looked outside in the snow and realized I had reached a dead end. Losing the money inside was the least of my concerns. I was worried about my licence, credit cards etc And although I could easily cancel everything and get a new driver's licence, I thought what a pain.

As embarassing as it was to pray for something so small, I decided to do so anyway. While on my knees and next to my bed, I started my prayer my communication. Dear Heavenly Father, I know there are much bigger problems in the world than my lost wallet, and I will understand if this is too trivial for you to address but I have done everything in my power and I can't find it. If you can help me, I would really appreciate it but its ok if you don't because I know this is such a trivial matter. I ask this humbly in Jesus name. My words were the least of my communication as I recall.

My heart, my feelings, my intellect, will and my faith were 100% there. My body langauge was speaking as well. I remember my face and upper body contorting as I as embarassed to ask. And as I prayed, I knew He heard me and that He was there. I felt HIM. As soon as I finished the prayer, I paused and felt warmth and peace envelope me.

A thought then spontaneously came to my mind "Gosh it would be so nice if someone would find my wallet." Minutes later the phone rang and the voice on the other line said "Are you Angela.."and I interjected and said "Yes and you found my wallet right?" "Yes" she said a little perplexed.

I proceeded to ask her where she found it? She said in the snow outside Green St, which is where I lived and where I searched for it. We arranged to meet, and I thanked her. My wallet was intact.

Looking back, the intimacy with God was the best reward of the whole experience. I was humble, vulnerable, and yielding to His will and He was gracious enough to help me by communicating the answer that was shortly to come. It is my hope that we all learn to lean on God, even when our approach isn't quite right or the answer doesn't turn out the way we'd like. For it is in the sweet intimacy with God, our heavenly Father, that we find the real power of prayer. Happy Father's Day!