Sunday, July 18, 2010


In the Catholic world, God’s providence or will seems to take special significance when a big change has happened. An unexplainable loss or an unexplainable gain seems to bring out these thoughts and pondering. But what of our free will or more specifically our unconscious will? I believe God lets us choose and decide and make or remake our own reality. As a Catholic, I believe it is these moments of seeming helplessness that our Heavenly Father, Mary and the Angels can help us overcome what seems impossible to do on our own, if we but ask humbly for their guidance, strength and grace. On our own, otherwise, we may become victims of our own self defeating self-fulfilling prophecies.

The question begs why do we sabotage what we want? To illustrate the point--I will give a general example. In romance, most of us hope to find mutual love that lasts our lifetime and sometimes beyond. So why are so many of us still single or more specifically not involved in developing this type of relationship? Is it because we don’t want to settle or is it because some old wound haunts us or is it because we don’t feel we either deserve this or that it’s possible? The possible reasons seem as limitless as the number of each unique and gifted human that has ever walked the face of the earth.

But I will suggest a common denominator to all the reasons that sabotage love. Fear. Fear seems so obvious we miss how far reaching it is. The antithesis of love is not hate it is fear. How often in our day do we choose to love? How often in our day are our actions a reaction to some thoughts provoked by fear? Are they even close to being equal? If you are like me the answer is a resounding no, not even close.

In romance, why do we say or do things (sometimes subconciously) that can provoke our partner to distance the relationship? Is it because we are testing them? That could be fear that the love can’t withstand our imperfections and hurtful actions. Is it because we are afraid of settling? That could be fear that we will not love this person as much as we could love a hypothetical person that met all our ideal requirements. Is it because we are afraid of really getting vulnerable by having the relationship progress? Is it because we see so many relationships fail and instinctively know this too will likely fail? The dreaded fears seem to boil down to the fear to feel extreme pain and disappointment. But ironically by our sabotaging ways we cause the initial pain and prevent ourselves from developing and eventually getting to a point where love seems stronger and able to withstand all pain. This to me seems the most beautiful goal, grace and miracle that life can bestow upon us. The ability to love and withstand all pain has a great example, Jesus Christ.

Hence, who better to ask to help us love but Him? Who better to help us cast out our sabotaging demons? Who better to ask to develop a perfect love that casts out all fear? With this light and guide God can guide us to a love that makes both our partner and our heart sing. And if your heart isn’t in your current romance for whatever reasons--before you are married--then God will lead you in peace and love to communicate authentically. In this space and place--sabotage has no purpose. Sabotage will prevent us from getting to the dreams we long to reach in romance and beyond. It is my prayer we all grab hold of love (God) and trust that journey.


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