Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Joy of Divine Love

My very first piece on my feline companions. It never ceases to amaze me how God chooses to answer prayers. Throughout my life it has taken many forms. Early in my faith journey, God choose to answer me directly through very incredible promptings of the Holy Spirit. In other blogs I will share those earlier experiences. Today I will share how subtly and yet powerfully answers come in the most unexpected packages.

Before I begin, for those on facebook, I just posted a couple of pics and a video of Teddie Bear and Emma so you can become acquainted with my furry friends. Emma is pictured here on the blog. Briefly, I will describe their unique personalities and bodies. Teddie is the queen and Emma the princess. Teddie is lean, confident, friendly with all people, stubborn, resilient, completely affectionate and loyal. Emma is chubby with a kind of deformed belly (it appears that utters are hanging from her belly), afraid of all people (still has many moments of being scared of me), sensitive, playful, sweet and affectionate when she is too tired to be scared.

In the beginning, I complained about what I perceived as Emma's faults. She is deformed with the crazy belly and she is a typical scaredy cat who runs away more often than not. A friend who had been the foster mom of Emma and her brothers and sisters when they were wee kittens agreed with me. They botched Emma's spay surgery and she looked weird, even ugly with that hanging bell. It also seemed she and her siblings had been abused as little kittens and this experience seemed to create this constant phobia of people.

God, with his divine ways, chose to communicate to me through my little Emma. As I mentioned earlier, I started my St. Ignatius Spiritual Exercises about 6 weeks ago. A lot of what I ask for and contemplate and meditate on at first seemed counter intuitive to me. This particular exercise was no different. The fruits however are nothing short of miraculous.

I had asked God to grace me with tears and sorrow over my sins. Mind you when I first started asking for these things, I do them quickly and hardly pay attention to them. I then proceeded with some meditations and contemplations and closed with a closing prayer that supported what I had opened with. After the hour was through, I felt some peace and noticed Emma was relaxing close to me on my bed. I got up and decided to cuddle and kiss her. This is par for the course for me. However THIS time, something came out of my heart and mouth that I had never felt before for any living being and hence never uttered.

I told Emma, I love you just the way you are. I love your utters and your very scared and skittish personality. I love you just the way you are. I felt this with such force and passion the words just flowed from my mouth. And as I said this I could feel Emma getting scared, and I literally loved her just that way. As soon as I had become aware of the genuineness of my emotion, I began to cry profusely. How could I have denied myself the joy of love? How could I have denied myself the joy of God? My sins of fear, vanity and pride had insulated me from living in this joy. I thanked God for answering me. As I open to HIM, the pureness of the Love he has placed within us begins to unfold and only our own wisdom and will keeps HIM out.

I wish I could say the struggles are ending, but my entrenched habits seem to be even more powerful at times. May I and we have the courage to turn to God and say NO to the enemies lies of who we are and live in this joy of divine love.


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