Dreams

It’s time for you to go to sleep at night. The moon is out, the dark starry sky beckons rest. Or perhaps, you had a late night and just fall into bed from exhaustion. Even the mid day nap that seems like a delicious treat...all bring a familiar companion--the dream.

Most dreams are odd and some bring interesting characters from your near or not so near past or even strangers. One of my recurring dreams has been that I can jump so high that I can eventually fly. More recently, my dreams involve romantic interests, and I am often perplexed as to why they keep visiting me.

First, I’ll detail a definition of dreams and different theories and then my own musings. According to dictionary.com, dreams are a succession of images, thoughts, or emotions passing through the mind during sleep. Freud attributes dreams to suppressed desires, and Jung thought dreams were a tool to help us grow. On the other hand, the bible often has God or angels speaking to people through dreams.

Some dreams are as vivid as real life. Who hasn’t experienced a dream so real where you try to wake yourself up so that you can determine if the experience is real or not? I have some dreams I can never forget. My most recent dreams have the same people and themes, and so I feel there is something I am trying to resolve.

Romantic relationships took on a renewed significance for me after my summer vacation last year to Lourdes, France. The details of that will be saved for another blog. After I came back my relationships and life started radically changing. I dated with different eyes. Eyes I did not have before. My prayers were different and the people that came into my life naturally shared similar characteristics. My dreams were odd and dealt with the things that drew me to people. In all instances, I had an ambiguos definition and an interruption in the relationship. It didn’t matter how much I moved on consciously nor how much it made sense to me while awake. At night my dreams painted a different story. The stories kept coming up over and over even while I was in relationship with someone else.

Perhaps it was also my way of healing and perhaps it was my way of clarifying my current relationship. One thing is certain--once I moved on from my current relationship where clarity and definition were present, I did not dream much about that person. It was almost as if my heart was communicating with me on a certain level that my mind just could not understand.

Dreams when remembered are rarely boring, and they might clue us into the
possibility that life has two sides to it. Our daytime conscious life that we influence with our will and desires; and a nighttime subconscious life that tries to influence us with it’s will and desires.

Duality seems a reality in most spheres of existence. And even though I am often quick to label the night time existence as too mysterious to ponder. The reality may be that our daytime existence might also be more of a mystery than I think. One thing I can count on is that when night falls, and I am at peace enough to fall asleep in short order, my nighttime visitor will come. Sweet dreams!

Discernment

Hello fellow musers! I took a week off due to my Yellowstone vacation and some pressing personal matters. This week for me will be a discerning week and hence my next topic:-) In this reflection, I’ll be a bit more methodical. First, I’ll go into what discernment means and how we can use it. Secondly, I’ll cover some musings on the what it may take to discern accurately, and, lastly, I’ll give a specific example.

The word discernment is used a lot in Catholic circles. It usually refers to discerning God’s call whether that is religious life, a vocation or marriage/electing a spouse. Looking at a couple of online definitions for discernment yields: Perception of that which is obscure; and the trait of judging wisely and objectively. With the this definition in mind, it seems we are discerning all the time.

Some areas we discern are in the marketplace, job/vocation, where to live, what apartment to rent or what house to buy, what medical treatment to take or choose for a loved one, which friendships to cultivate and where they fit in our lives, which religion to belong to or what your beliefs about God and spirituality are, what person to date or get into a relationship with or marry, what values you subscribe to and where to place your heart. The list is endless. It can be a short-term or long term decision. For the sake of this musing, I will focus on more serious and long term decisions.

So what does it take to really discern accurately? I think unless you have been blessed with or developed wisdom and complete self-control—the key ingredient is time. A feeling or a thought may be fleeting or long lasting, and the heavier the decision, the more you wait to see if your thoughts and/or feelings are correct. I feel both heart and mind should be as open and clear as possible. This can take talking to good friends, who know you, a spiritual director or go straight to the source--God. It can also mean talking with the person or persons whom you will be making the decision about. Sometimes writing or just being social and active and not thinking are part of the discernment process. Again though, after and before all this talking and just living--the key ingredient it seems to take is time.

Relationships, especially ones that have potential for marriage, take an inordinate amount of energy and discernment. The more feelings and wishes disconnect with reality, the more discernment is required. It seems obvious that it takes two people to make the two congruent or incongruent. If the relationship hits bumps, it can be miscommunication, a fearful action or reaction, a dynamic that both caused unconsciously by being unappreciative or disrespectful, a past pain that colors how you view your current situation, incompatible temperaments, incongruent beliefs and the list goes on and on.

So I have to pause and first ask what is it that I really want? What is it that the he really wants? What is it that God wants?

How does he make me a better person and how does it seem he does not? How do I make him a better person and how does it seem that I don’t? How are our views of romance similar and how are they different? To what level do I trust him? To what level does he trust me? Do we care about one another and is there the right kind of passion there? How do we treat each other, and can we really overcome obstacles without wanting to injure one another or win? What emotional baggage is there from both sides, and are we the right people for one another to overcome this? What is the commitment level on each side? How do I take care to be honest with my potential mate so that their fragile heart and ego is taken into consideration? Does ego belong in relationship? How easily do we forgive and forget? How disciplined are we morally? How flexible?

How experienced are we individually in bending from I to we? Can we get there? What type of relationship are we best suited for for one another? Does my heart agree with my head, and if not why don’t they? Does his? What lingering doubts remain and can they be resolved? How do I discuss making a decision that will help each other best individually and in relationship? That can mean taking a step back, moving forward or parting ways for now. It is so much to weigh out, and so much will be left unanswered.

In the end for me one pivotal question will be – How is God invited into our relationship and what does He have to say? That love needs to be present and growing is a given…that it is God’s will that you be together is another. The two should coincide. And in the end, it seems all I can do is pray for time.

Truth

Sorry for the delay this week. I meant to start something else but life events last week caused another reflection. It’s by far the weightiest subject for me because it seems so exacting and yet complex. So I ask your mercy on this blog writing. It was difficult to tackle and create a flow. This is my final draft and I hope it provides some insight and benefit.

Truth for me shines a light on how much we come up morally short. Although, I don’t advocate full disclosure to everyone you meet or expressing every thought on your mind. That licence is saved for 5 year old children and older individuals. Lucky dogs!:-)

What I am talking about is the range from a white lie to deception to an outright lie or of course bearing false witness. The other area I’ll touch is when you use the truth like a weapon, where the underlying purpose is to cause harm and not to help.

We can think of incredible circumstances that seem to justify the use of an outright lie. I pointed out an example of a holocaust story in a morality lecture in my adult group at church. What about the Catholic family hiding a Jewish person in their home, and a Nazi knocks on your door and asks if you are hiding a Jew? The responses I heard were interesting. One was--You don’t have to lie but just withhold the truth. In other words don't respond. Another was--say you only have friends in your home. You are treating them as a friend so in a sense they are. These are subtlety's for sure, but the point is still to deceive. The motivation here though seems noble, and all the while trying to skirt a bold faced lie.

This brings us to the white lie. Who can fault a husband who answers no to his wife’s question--Do I look fat? If he thinks she has put on a few pounds or something makes her look heavier he says opposite. This seems innocent and saves grief.

Surely the majority of our deceptions, lies or withholding information is not motivated by saving someone else literally or their feelings. It is motivated by purely selfish reasons. Whether it is to save ourselves from embarrassment, make ourselves appear more attractive, wealthy, smart, in the know etc. or save our job or win a game, earn more money or just hide a platonic opposite sex relationship from a spouse who may be uncomfortable with it. The possibilities seem endless don’t they? I’m sure we can pose a very persuasive argument for why the chosen deception/lie was appropriate and even good.

On the other hand we can use the truth as a weapon, express criticism or at least make a joke.I hate your blog or you write terribly would be a couple of examples:-) Certainly if you ask a question it is best to be prepared for the answer! The hurtful truth, however, can help us to improve. A well meaning white lie may mire us in mediocrity and may create a false bond with the white liar.

Deceptions can be interpersonal and institutional. An interpersonal example is a man/woman you have been dating for a couple of months answers your question of when was your last significant relationship by saying that he/she was involved in a relationship about a year ago for about a year. After things don't work out between you two, you uncover that that year long relationship ended while he/she was dating you. An institutional example is a bishop under oath at a trial says he can’t recall if he was aware that a priest he transferred had several molestation charges against him when he transferred him. The letter presented as evidence seemed to indicate otherwise.

The truth is deception hurts. Our deception can damage a relationship often worse than the truth itself. Oftentimes the deception comes out much later and the damage is more severe. Its almost as if the lie grows in its capacity to erode trust as time passes. Certainly our consciences will not be at peace with lies.

If we all live a life with appropriately and sometimes habitually chosen deception, we makes it easier to lie in general. Here we create our individual and collective reality and erode trust. This is arguably one of the most vital components in any relationship, familial, friendship, romance, church, state and even in the marketplace.

However, we are human and we make mistakes, sometimes, repeatedly. So what are we to do? Well first, it may help us to change our view of truth. Truth is a great vehicle for making us happy. Our creator designed us this way. So what to do when we slip and deceive? Confess it, repent and make amends somehow. Fear sometimes traps us in a loop by first deceiving and then being to afraid to admit the deception. It's almost as if we are trapped in fear of the consequences and the consequences consequences:-) As painful and unwise as fear tells us the truth is, I pray we don't lose sight of the consequence our Lord told us about...the truth will set you free.

Sabotage

In the Catholic world, God’s providence or will seems to take special significance when a big change has happened. An unexplainable loss or an unexplainable gain seems to bring out these thoughts and pondering. But what of our free will or more specifically our unconscious will? I believe God lets us choose and decide and make or remake our own reality. As a Catholic, I believe it is these moments of seeming helplessness that our Heavenly Father, Mary and the Angels can help us overcome what seems impossible to do on our own, if we but ask humbly for their guidance, strength and grace. On our own, otherwise, we may become victims of our own self defeating self-fulfilling prophecies.

The question begs why do we sabotage what we want? To illustrate the point--I will give a general example. In romance, most of us hope to find mutual love that lasts our lifetime and sometimes beyond. So why are so many of us still single or more specifically not involved in developing this type of relationship? Is it because we don’t want to settle or is it because some old wound haunts us or is it because we don’t feel we either deserve this or that it’s possible? The possible reasons seem as limitless as the number of each unique and gifted human that has ever walked the face of the earth.

But I will suggest a common denominator to all the reasons that sabotage love. Fear. Fear seems so obvious we miss how far reaching it is. The antithesis of love is not hate it is fear. How often in our day do we choose to love? How often in our day are our actions a reaction to some thoughts provoked by fear? Are they even close to being equal? If you are like me the answer is a resounding no, not even close.

In romance, why do we say or do things (sometimes subconciously) that can provoke our partner to distance the relationship? Is it because we are testing them? That could be fear that the love can’t withstand our imperfections and hurtful actions. Is it because we are afraid of settling? That could be fear that we will not love this person as much as we could love a hypothetical person that met all our ideal requirements. Is it because we are afraid of really getting vulnerable by having the relationship progress? Is it because we see so many relationships fail and instinctively know this too will likely fail? The dreaded fears seem to boil down to the fear to feel extreme pain and disappointment. But ironically by our sabotaging ways we cause the initial pain and prevent ourselves from developing and eventually getting to a point where love seems stronger and able to withstand all pain. This to me seems the most beautiful goal, grace and miracle that life can bestow upon us. The ability to love and withstand all pain has a great example, Jesus Christ.

Hence, who better to ask to help us love but Him? Who better to help us cast out our sabotaging demons? Who better to ask to develop a perfect love that casts out all fear? With this light and guide God can guide us to a love that makes both our partner and our heart sing. And if your heart isn’t in your current romance for whatever reasons--before you are married--then God will lead you in peace and love to communicate authentically. In this space and place--sabotage has no purpose. Sabotage will prevent us from getting to the dreams we long to reach in romance and beyond. It is my prayer we all grab hold of love (God) and trust that journey.

Introduction to "A Musing Angel"

Welcome to my first public forum! This has been in the works for awhile and now it is finally live! My blog name comes from a desire to call on the divine messengers to aid in this dialogue. I hope you find this blog inspiring and amusing (pun intended:-)!

Some of us are fortunate enough to find and follow our calling/passion from an early age. Some of us start later in life and some of us like me are not quite sure which talent to pursue. Sadly most of us on this planet never have the chance to follow any divine voice because our lot in life seems to dominate our thoughts with worry. Whether it’s where our next meal will come from, a health issue, a financial concern, a status issue or any of the myriad of things which can occupy our thoughts with worry. The truth seems to be that no matter what our lot in life--we have a divine gift to share and if we feed that seed our lot in life will change and our view will change. So please consider this an exercise in this; namely an attempt to give voice to the divine gift of creativity in me through the written word.

Since I was able to articulate and remember thought, at the age of about two, I have been very philosophical. At that age, I was both perplexed and inquisitive about our human condition and motivations. Later, in elementary school--I developed a passion for words and music. I loved and excelled in spelling bees, wrote poetry, wrote songs in a Capella, wrote short stories and kept journals. I found it was the best way to channel my powerful emotions and give life to the most tender and authentic part of my being. My query is simply this: Can my life experience and my ability to communicate this through the written word be of service to my fellow human beings?

And can I help someone else somehow find their passion through some mysterious way in the words they read here? I hope the answer is a resounding yes!

So what will you write about and how often? Good question! Most of this will be organic, however, it will cover all types of relationships. I’ll try to subdivide them for easy reference. God, romance, opposite sex friendship, female friendships, teacher/child, familial, fellow human being and feline:-) Occasionally I will write about something else like politics or financial but it will always tie back to relationship in some sense..our relationship with groups, money in short everything influences who we are and what we become. I will write once a week and publish on Sunday and I will try to be pithy!

Lastly, because this will be organic I encourage suggestions and dialogue. Thank you for visiting and reading and I hope you join me and find joy on our journey!