Glorious Living

This first July blog I begin with two quotes and a You tube video. The quotes are from the Bible and one from Helen Keller, respectively and the You Tube is about the miracles that led and lead to the Corpus Christi(body of Christ) celebration which we had last Sunday. After that I explore what they mean to me and what they can mean for all of us.

Ephesians 1 vs. 11-12 "It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbg_dhI4XCs

“If we believe that the earth is ours, and that the sun and moon hang in the sky for our delight, there will be joy upon the hills and gladness in the fields because the Artist in our souls glorifies creation.”
Helen Keller, published in Personality, December, 1927

As I examine life from the intricacies of the human body to all the variables necessary to sustain life, I am in awe. Life and the universe with all it's rules and even with it's chaos, is a miracle.

The knowledge of only this universe is infinite, and hence we collectively know less than a measurable percentage of that. And, I personally only know perhaps 1/2 of 1 percent of all that we do know. A good analogy is math. If I can count to one trillion, how much closer are you to reaching the last number? We could have counted backwards and gotten the same answer. This teaches me humility.

In this humility, I can begin to understand what God wants for me and for us. Ephesians tells us. He just doesn't want pleasurable living, not just happy living but glorious living. What does glorious living mean? Helen Keller's' observation opens the window to our soul on how to begin to do that. If she could know this without being able to see with her eyes or hear with her ears than so can we!

Perhaps we need to be still in our minds and in our bodies. We need to let the noise of our will, our perception of what is real, our fears, and our God given need for love to melt away, so we can see and so we can feel God's love in everything. He can teach us what love really is through observation, study, prayer and the still small voice that speaks to us. Perhaps the greatest way we can know, and the way Ms. Keller knew was to experience this personal, physical and transforming love through an individual.

An individual like you and like me can manifest love and transform individuals. This brings me to how you and I can get closer to being that embodiment of love. The You-tube video tells us how you and I can become love.

If God is Love, then Jesus is the embodiment of Love. His biggest gift to us was the sacrifice of his body and blood. And His gift keeps on giving because he is present in the Eucharist and the Consecrated Wine. The love of the Holy Spirit transforms the bread and wine and Jesus becomes present and is a present for us.

If we are what we eat, then the more we partake of His body and blood the more we are transformed to be like Him. To live as He lived. To live boldly and fully, to love fully, to know and to be known and to live forever. If we have this faith, this reality becomes manifest.

In our quest to find love and meaning in our lives, we need look no further than Jesus Christ. He embodied our worth, our potential and Love. May we embrace, give and seek Love always. For putting our Triune God first is to put Love first, and here is our witness for glorious living.

The Real Power of Prayer

It is often said that communication is key in relationships. I find often that actions speak much louder than words. Whenever I am ambivalent and/or see ambivalence between action and word, it is often the action that will ultimately decide where your heart really is. And there is little point fighting it, for in the end you are either in something or you are not.

Our relationship with God is much the same. We can talk about praying, we can pay lip service to God but unless our action and our body matches our words our heart is not really in it. I have found little and big answers have come in my life when I get down on my knees, pour my heart out to God and in humility ask for guidance or help.

I am digging back to the beginning of my prayer life in sharing one experience with you. I do this in the hope this example of prayer experience will help you as well as re-energize me into what is possible. As we get older, more confident and self sufficient, it is easy to not only lose sight of praying, our communication with God, but also to change our relationship with God. It is certain our relationship with God matures and changes as we go thru life, but I feel that we feel closest to God when we are vulnerable and depend on Him. It mirrors the times we feel closest to one another.

My new found faith started at age 20 and led to my first divine connection in what I refer to as my wallet story. I was a sophomore in college and had just come back from having lunch with a friend at Garcia's Pizza in Champaign, Il. Sometime afterward, I noticed that I could not find my wallet.

So I did the logical thing. First, I looked all over the house. When that yielded nothing, I then retraced my steps as to when and where it was that I had last seen my wallet. It was at Garcia's. I called the restaurant and they had nothing, I then called my friend to see if I had left it in her car and again no luck. Logically, the only other place it could have fallen was in between my friend's car and my home.

I looked outside in the snow and realized I had reached a dead end. Losing the money inside was the least of my concerns. I was worried about my licence, credit cards etc And although I could easily cancel everything and get a new driver's licence, I thought what a pain.

As embarassing as it was to pray for something so small, I decided to do so anyway. While on my knees and next to my bed, I started my prayer my communication. Dear Heavenly Father, I know there are much bigger problems in the world than my lost wallet, and I will understand if this is too trivial for you to address but I have done everything in my power and I can't find it. If you can help me, I would really appreciate it but its ok if you don't because I know this is such a trivial matter. I ask this humbly in Jesus name. My words were the least of my communication as I recall.

My heart, my feelings, my intellect, will and my faith were 100% there. My body langauge was speaking as well. I remember my face and upper body contorting as I as embarassed to ask. And as I prayed, I knew He heard me and that He was there. I felt HIM. As soon as I finished the prayer, I paused and felt warmth and peace envelope me.

A thought then spontaneously came to my mind "Gosh it would be so nice if someone would find my wallet." Minutes later the phone rang and the voice on the other line said "Are you Angela.."and I interjected and said "Yes and you found my wallet right?" "Yes" she said a little perplexed.

I proceeded to ask her where she found it? She said in the snow outside Green St, which is where I lived and where I searched for it. We arranged to meet, and I thanked her. My wallet was intact.

Looking back, the intimacy with God was the best reward of the whole experience. I was humble, vulnerable, and yielding to His will and He was gracious enough to help me by communicating the answer that was shortly to come. It is my hope that we all learn to lean on God, even when our approach isn't quite right or the answer doesn't turn out the way we'd like. For it is in the sweet intimacy with God, our heavenly Father, that we find the real power of prayer. Happy Father's Day!

With God All Things are Possible

Today something astonishing happened. A friend called me to say that a priest who had preached and believed ideologies contrary to church truth and teaching had a change of heart after a 3 month retreat. This priest had apologized to a parishioner for preaching contrary to church teaching and was now convicted of the truth.

This was a priest whom I had challenged with love back in October of 2010 and then again in January and late February of this year. I did this after I heard his homily in late September of 2010.

The decision to talk with him and then challenge him came after I confirmed his belief was indeed against church teaching. In a sense it was understandable because he has a brother who struggles with his sexuality. What started out as initially only a little uncomfortable became increasingly so as I realized was going against the tide even in my faith community.

I noticed how others were upset at the time but were paralyzed by anger that yielded to fear. I also noticed that others had just left that particular parish and deemed it hopeless to do anything against the heretical subculture. The odds were small for change everyone said. It's hopeless. That from some members in a faith community!

Yet too I noticed how others had decided to pray for the situation. Some spoke up with kindness and some in anger. As I acted in other ways in the months that followed, in ways the the Lord led me to, the needed space then happened. I was led to Florida. In that space, the seeds for change had been planted and were growing unbeknown to me. Prayers were sown and a heart was opened. I am still amazed at God's grace and love!

This news came at the heals of one of my most challenging periods. My surrender to God was constantly being challenged by my need to be in control. All my daily routines and practices were disjointed as I toiled to get ready for an exciting and yet scary move. My formal focus on God was even challenged, and I had days where I had to muscle out the prayers. Acting has always come easier for me than praying, and that sweet balance only comes through surrender.

This little miracle of a courageous priest who sought out God and embraced change was exactly what I needed to hear. This Friday I get ready to embark on the most potentially fulfilling and challenging call yet for me to surrender, ironically in "acting." Knowing that without God this would have been impossible for me. Fear had paralyzed this call many times before but, perhaps it was not the right time. And now I jump into His arms knowing that with God all things are possible.

Embracing Holy Wood

This weekend had me reflecting on two events, one personal and one global. The personal was my visit to Holy Wood acting studios. http://www.holywoodactingstudio.com/site/
I came to LA to begin my discerning process to see if I was being called to join this endeavor and expand my skills in the performing arts. The global was the highly advertised message by Harold Camping and others that world was ending.

Ironically, the messages I heard on both were the opposite of what I had expected. In the personal, the first steps in discerning brought catastrophic fear the likes of which I have rarely experienced. In the global, I heard a homily moments before the supposed end of the world that took this message and brought joy and hope about how to live in this passing world.

Hollywood can conjure up images of vanity, self indulgence, self aggrandizement, idol worship and I am sure worse. This is amazing given the fact that the origins of the name were in fact Holy. According to fellow blogger Pat McNamara,
http://irishcatholichumanist.blogspot.com/2011/02/original-hollywood-priest-father-daniel.html,
"Mass was first celebrated in this (Hollyoood now) parish May 3, 1769, by the founder of all the California Missions, Father Junipero Serra, and upon this date also was erected the Holy Wood of the Cross, hence the name of Holywood, or Hollywood, the name which was afterward given to the place by the wife of John L. Beveridge of this place."

I thought of what the significance of the cross and that it was and is Holy Wood. Jesus brought us redemption and invites us to partner with Him in this redemption. Jesus said,"If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me." Matthew 16:24.The cross, the Holy Wood is meant for us as well.

My personal journey met with the global concept. Serrindipitously, a voice instructor from Holy Wood Acting Studios led me to St. Monica's in Santa Monica for the 5:30p.m. mass. The Gospel message 1 Pt 2:4-9 was about not letting our hearts be troubled and trusting in the Lord. It ends with an almost unbelievable promise "Amen, amen, I say to you, whoever believes in me will do the works that I do,and will do greater ones than these because I am going to the Father.” As I discerned the fear I initially experienced was the enemy trying to set limits on my faith and subsequently on me.

Then at 5:50p.m. last night, Monsignor Lloyd Torgerson met the global. He first made us laugh and then made us think about the value of living each day as your last. First came his humor." Well the world is going to end in about 10 minutes and I know I won't be taken up because I am a sinful pastor, and so I have prepared the homily in its entirety because I know this. Some of you may be leaving your pews but the rest of us left behind will continue with mass".

After the laughs, he shared how people were talking about the world ending at a ball game a few days prior. Our fascination with this could lead to the secret of life.
He shared how a mystic in Buddhism was asked his secret for a good life. The mystic said that he lived each day as if it were his last. He lived as if a venomous snake was ready to strike now. When you are in this situation you are not thinking about how much money you have or what people think about you or even your past sins, you are focused on right now. And while this venomous snake is ready to strike at any moment, the mystic notices ripe berries and he picks them and eats them. After all, why would you deprive yourself of this joy.

The pastor then shared about the lessons that Marty Martinson, an elderly Wal-mart greeter in Brookings, SD, gave. Give a little more of yourself. The only person who can make you happy is you. Be a better you. He referenced a book written about this man. http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2598098-the-richest-man-in-town

The pastor went on with our concept of God. We worry and fret and live as if our God was a very small God. We bargain because we think God bargains. We say to our neighbor well I forgive you but I won't forget and we think God is the same way. He concluded by saying that our God is much bigger than this. His love is much bigger than this, and if we embrace and lean on our very large God then we live our lives very differently. That we must feel His love and not just think it. For when we feel His love then it becomes real.

His homily made me reflect on the personal. Our penchant for trying to control our destinies by trying to predict our future. And on the global with our penchant for trying to control God and His plan by predicting a specific time for when the world will end.

Sure, on the personal, we can have goals and dreams and can make them come true but the journey is out of our hands and there are surprises along the way we can't possibly anticipate. More than that though is that sometimes our goals are not what God has in mind for us and we fail to live up to our best potential and our fullest joy if our will does not mesh with His. If we follow Jesus and do his works then we can do greater things than He! Wow!

It has made me think how often most of us limit ourselves in one way or another because we have limits on God. Our limitless all powerful and ever living God we place limits on and when we are then blind to his aid. We also limit our potential and joy in life. We are afraid in our vocations and in our relationships and with our lives. We live half present for fear of what can happen. We give our hearts and time half heartedly often due to worry and preoccupation. Anytime, we do this we limit God and limit our joy.

As we discern our divine destiny one day at a time, some doors will close so that others can open. Let us not be afraid to walk thru a door, even though it seems we are not quite equipped to walk thru. We can't see where the road is meant to lead. Let us have courage to listen to our deepest desires, to walk with courage thru the doors and meet the obstacles we meet outside and inside of ourselves. Let us live each day as if it were our last with courage, kindness, mercy and love. And one day it will be our last, and it is my hope that all the way we were embracing our Holy Wood toward God's glory.

Happy Mother's Day to Our Ultimate Mother

It is natural to think of our mother today and to honor her. It is one of our most impactful human relationships. And I must admit that until I went to mass this morning, I hadn't thought about Jesus mother "the Blessed" Virgin Mary. I wonder if for Him, too, she was and is the most impactful of human relationships on Him.

Most Christians honor Mary as the woman who was graced by the Angel Gabriel's visit. He paid tribute to her and said "Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women" Luke 1:28. He informed her of how special her role was to be. She would be the vessel by which the salvation of the world would come to be. She would conceive, nourish in her womb, and give birth to Jesus without knowing a man. She would raise and instruct Him and do all the things that mother's do. What an amazing privilege and grace! I guess that's why she is blessed and why all generations would call her blessed. Luke 1:48.

Although science is changing this intimate relationship, for the vast majority of us, we too began in our mother's womb. Here, we were physically and spiritually nourished and our mother was our vessel. So vulnerable are we, that our mother has the power to stop our growth and end our life.

I then think of the mothers who choose not to have the baby growing in their womb. Some choose repeatedly and for a variety of reasons. In all cases, a mother chose her own life over her baby's. She chose fear instead of faith and love. She chose to interfere after a choice she made or was forced to make that led to conception. Whether the circumstance was rape, incest, out of wedlock or in, if their is a life in the womb we must do something in order to end that life. The reasons for terminating the baby's life can varied; a baby can seem to be developing mental or physical disabilities; it can seem as if a mother's and/or baby's life is at risk, or that the baby just was not planned for and is inconvenient.

The baby is inconvenient. That could be said about all the prior circumstances and arguably about 100% of babies. As much as any mother wants and loves a child, pregnancy is rarely if ever a cake walk. Morning sickness, hair loss, diminished mobility, temporary and permanent body changes and the list goes on and on. And this just during pregnancy. Of course, there are many positives that far outweigh the negatives or we wouldn't be here! Nevertheless, the cost is great.

I think of mother's who chose to carry the baby and keep it or give it up for adoption. I think of a mother whether she carried the baby or not. She generally and consistently had to choose her child over herself. This leads us to the definition of love.

My thoughts here lead to my own mother, whose love became most apparent when she was losing her own. According to friends and family, they asked my mother if she was afraid when it became apparent she was dieing. She said no, but I am afraid of what will happen with Angela. Recalling this still brings tears to my eyes.

This mother's day, no matter what relationship we have or had with our mothers, let us embrace the symbol that each of us carry in our soul. To all the mother's that lost their opportunity to be a mother whether by choice or not, let us embrace that divine call deep inside us to love others more than ourselves. Despite the fact that we ALL choose against love more often than we choose for love, let us rejoice in God's (love's) mercy and know that if we let HIM in, He will show us who we really are.

We can then surrender and choose love(God) more often. And who better to guide us in this surrender to God than the Mother of God. May the Blessed Virgin Mary's words be a guide for us all "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word" Luke 1:38. Happy Mother's Day to our ultimate Mother!

Persevere to New Beginnings

My favorite month of the year is May. Spring is in full swing, it's my birthday month, also it is the month of the Blessed Virgin Mary and this year we have an entire month to celebrate the Easter season. And Easter symbolizes the most beautiful and miraculous event of our Lord Jesus persevering and leading us all to new beginnings.

May is bringing new beginnings for me in many ways. I am now living in new quarters with new people in the Miami area. I also begin my last full week residing here. Too, my life soon will begin anew as I return to my home, my friends and my life.

This week will also be the beginning of transitioning my work here to those whose job it is to turn the wheels of justice. There is peace in knowing I did everything I could to further the cause. Both in my small personal example and in our recent national and global example when we finally captured Osama Bin Laden, we see how perseverance eventually leads us to new beginnings.

However, there are always more reasons as to why the Lord takes you places than just one. It just seem to be HIS awesome way. What remains ahead, I can only speculate on. Yet, it is precisely this mystery that invites surrender, joy and wonder.

My new beginnings this week are in large part brought about by the Lord reteaching me some fundamental principles. Two of those principles include humility and surrender. Last week I took some leaps of faith and found that God addressed my concerns and questions before I had much time to even consider them. For example, some evidence that had eluded me ended with an attorney calling me to make arrangements that were most convenient for me to pickup the documents. Another is some financial risk was mitigated by a delay I had not planned. Even simple things such as what to do next after Church, helping a new friend celebrate her birthday and finding time to write this blog just fell into place.

However, the most poignant principle I was retaught this week was the principle that sin comes from within. The most chaotic event, which finally resolved itself, was learning that sexual sin has no boundaries. It is no respecter of persons and can affect the old as well as the young.

Our secular world defines our sexuality as purely a hormonal/physical impulse that primarily affects younger people and is a chaotic mess that has a will of its own. However, our sexuality, which is one of the greatest expressions of love we can experience, begins it's distortion in our thoughts. The more our thoughts entertain, encourage and illicit sexual connections that are based on fantasy, the more divorced your sexuality is from reality. Lustful thoughts may randomly come and arouse us physically. But they have nowhere to go if we shift our focus and invite grace to come in. The more grace enters and changes our heart to love the less those lustful thoughts arise and have fertile ground to grow. Even if we stumble on occasion, the sin has no lasting hold if we embrace God's grace. Our perseverance in rejecting the tempter yields to more grace.

On the flip side if we hold on to lustful thoughts, entertain them and encourage them, the next steps are self evident. After arousal we are led to act. Often masturbation comes first and from there acting out on the "object" of our desire. Objectifying a person is the antithesis of love. What sows in our heart is the life we will end up leading. And the longer we have lived our life embracing this destructive path, the more powerless we are to control it when the next person comes that triggers our entrenched pathways. How sad. We can end up being an 88 year old acting out impulsively, humiliating ourselves, the person who incredulously rejects our advances, and our loved ones. The sinful thought that we began entertaining long ago has born some ugly fruit.

However as we learned last week, even in the ugliest of circumstances God can surprise us by turning it into something beautiful. This is especially true if we follow His will. As we begin this new month of May, let us remember that the more we persevere in His will the greater the chance we have of allowing God's grace and love to spring us into new beginnings.

The Ultimate Joyous Meditation

Today marks the beginning of the most joyous 50 days in the Christian calendar, the Easter Season. We are to begin the festivities as the 40 day Lenten journey has come to a close. This Easter Triduum had me reflecting on all the events that led to the crowning victory of Jesus conquering sin and death, Satan's contribution, through Jesus resurrection. I reflected on my Lenten journey. I thought of Jesus prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” He repeated the same prayer in slightly different words 3 times. Despite the victory and joy He knew would come, the horror on so many levels he was about to face caused him to ask to want to skip this moment, and yet He acquiesced to God's will.

So what does this account of Jesus all giving love and triumphant glory have to do with us personally? Ok, its true He called us friends and we are created in the image of God. But what does that mean? Perhaps it means that we too ultimately have the same cries and can look forward to the same triumphs.

As I mentioned in last weeks blog, this has been a mysterious interruption for me. As I began the restorative justice ministry, I could not have foreseen that the other aspect of it, the healing and restitution of the victim would unexpectedly became very personal for me. Nor could I have foreseen that it would take front and center stage. Certainly, I had not planned it nor wanted to take it on to this extent. However, God has his own plans and design.

So why am I in Miami so abruptly? I have detail some background as I weave in the answer. My adoptive father's death in Miami almost 4 years ago was marred by tragedies too horrific to believe. His death was hidden, and due to a lag in communication I was only informed of it a year and a half ago. I was his only daughter and the shear shock and emotion caused me do all I could to uncover the how and why and rectify it as best I could. I could not believe given the past history of my adoptive father and I, that I would end up being his only advocate.

In late February of this year, as the criminal case slowly progressed, the civil case came to a screeching halt when my legal counsel abandoned the case. For weeks, I tried to secure alternate counsel by phone from California but to no avail. I finally hit my own wall and recognized I would either have to step it up or let it go. That first weekend in April came, and I was exhausted. So I turned I turned in prayer and asked if you want be to give up this civil battle I will.

The next week a lawyer called a second time to hear of my case. One thing led to another and she said to come right away as the statutes were expiring and her firm had decided to take the case on a limited basis. Prior to her communication, I had already weighed the decision to drop everything and go to Miami but I wanted to delay this til the end of May. This decision had me feeling unrest. The attorney's urgent request caused me to do a 180. After this decision, I woke up feeling peace the following morning.

Although, God had revealed to me that He wanted me in Miami, I knew the catalyst of what brought me out here, namely the attorney's request, was not going to be the end of why I was being brought out here. And so it was.

This past week was my Garden of Gethsemane. I foresaw that the attorney which brought me out to Miami, would abandon the case. Monday she officially did. So here I was having to scramble at the eleventh hour for substitute counsel, postponing the gathering of evidence and postponing assisting the overtaxed law enforcement and legal system. In my scrambling, I met with more attorneys whose fear, pragmatism and laziness would mirror both prior attorney's motivation, in differing aspects, in abandoning me and the case.

On Wednesday, in the midst of turmoil and exhaustion, in the midst of holy week, I still knew I was brought out here for a reason. The signs still kept pointing me to pursuing justice and restitution. Yet the cost on so many levels was great, and the intense agony led me to thoughts of what lay ahead. Too, I again questioned my own steps and motivations as my own outrage fueled me as I kept discovering all the events and participants that led to my own personal tragedy.

Yet the only peaceful answer I have found is in surrendering to God's will. So I cried first in tears and then in prayer, I pleaded again as I had while I was still in California, "I am ready to let this go and yet if it is still your will, please show me and your will be done".

The answer came in a whisper and then loud and clear the next day. Even though I had not planned to do this, doors opened that had been shut and I gathered more information with greater ease than at any other time prior. Aside from finally finding an alternate attorney, I recognized that he was the one I should choose. And, more importantly, I spoke with an attorney who had direct experience with the people who had stolen not only my adoptive father's assets and possibly his life but his dignity. This particular attorney had sued them prior representing other people who had not been paid for services rendered. The personal now had become more global.

Our heavenly Father's unconditional love manifests itself in a myriad of ways. When some of us are enslaved in passions such as greed and we get away with breaking the law in pursuit of those passions, we are rewarded to continue. This can not lead to a good end for anyone and least of all to those enslaved with this behavior. God's love, mercy and justice give all of us a chance to embrace redemption. However, that process has to start somewhere and oftentimes it starts with loving justice, the timeout to experience conversion and redemption. Of course there are no guarantees that this will happen but at least the opportunities are granted. And just as it takes a village to raise child, it takes a village to help someone commit crime and, also, to allow them to keep committing them.

I find it amazing as we enter the joy of the Easter Season how God can turn something as ugly as what Christ endured into something beautiful and redemptive. May we meditate on the meaning of justice, sacrifice, love and the ultimate joy and glory of the resurrection this Easter.

And in a personal way let us reflect on how the ugly in our own lives, can be transformed into something beautiful and redemptive as well, if we but follow God's will. This may be one of our ultimate joyous meditations.