The Journey Toward Love

In some sense we all know that there is a choice we face every day and every situation; namely whether to choose fear or Love. The choices we make become habits and the habits become our character. Yet even a character can be changed by repeatedly making choices that go against it until new habits are formed and the habits become a new character. It can be a cycle for some but for most character change is difficult. And in relationships it becomes more poignant. We fall often but if we learn..all is not lost. If we choose fear then we are trapped.

Life, indeed God who is Love, tests our hearts. In many ways it can not be anticipated and some of us fear that mystery but unless we open we can not experience what journey Love has in store for us.

I know I do not fully embark on that journey until I am sure of who the person is and what I am getting myself into. Nevertheless, I risk more than most because the only way to know is to get involved and even if you are cautious there is emotional involvement. I can handle that and I know it is part and parcel for the course.

I think too intuitively we know whom we can open up to and trust. It surprises me that some people we spend a lot of time with and never truly reveal ourselves. It is a mystery how Love unfolds and how Love redirects. I find it fascinating and also the best opportunity to get closer to God.

And here-in is our biggest fear. To truly let God in and be in relationship with HIM. Because if we are there is no hiding and that nakedness is both sacred and scary for us at times. It is true we turn to HIM in our greatest need but in the moments when we are a little vulnerable and can let that deeper connection go, we do.

There is no question the culprit who influences us to choose fear over love is present. But the power to choose Love over fear is never very far away--it is in our hearts and the biggest help is when we get down on our knees.

God bless us all in your journey toward pure, powerful and glorious Love.

Peace be with You

It has been a long while. My life this year has been a whirlwind. It began with hopes of major changes in both my personal and professional life and they came quickly. The first was with my personal life. It is normal to get caught up in romance and put all your hopes onto a relationship. Some are valid based on the interactions, but a lot is projected. This was my particular experience.

Major decisions were embarked upon quickly and the stages of dating went from fast to very fast in the course of 3 months. My day job had unique challenges as well and the weight of the crazy work environment finally took its toll on my health and my emotional well being. My relationship was a significant support during this challenging time.

Then some long anticipated changes began being possible, with-in reach and set in motion. I moved to So.Cal in Mid- May and the shock waves of rushing a relationship during the next month and a half were settling into my bones. After some quakes, a rupture finally happened. Emotional fall-out is normal, and the breathing room necessary to discern was finally created.

It's odd that what often seems like a set back whether it's losing a job, losing a relationship or losing anything you thought you had--can turn out to be the biggest blessing possible. The pain of loss is real but the space created makes you re-evaluate the situation..see why and how things happened to create the loss and then act on any remedy that seems possible and prudent.

For me loss also creates the space to truly invite God in more deeply, to pour myself into him and feel the peace that comes. All we have is today and in the sweet surrender to God...we find our guilt, our blessings and our needs. And HE gives us his mercy, his assurance that we deserve not only the blessings we have but even more, for HE is a generous God. And, he fills the void of our needs by opening the many doors spiritually, emotionally and physically.

I can never say how or when HE communicates with each unique individual but Love/God is always the same. May we have the courage to reach for HIM during our little and big changes and in the changes we plan and the ones we don't. Life is truly a gift, and one of the sweetest fruits of heart-felt prayer is peace. Peace be with you.

GOD is Gracefully Pro-Choice Making Beautiful Pro-Life Possible

This is an emotional weekend for most pro-life advocates in the bay area. Pro-life what does that mean? Well in the popular culture it means we value the life of the baby in the womb. We value him/her at the moment of conception as a life. Can he/she survive on its own? No. But neither can a baby after it's born. She/he still needs her/his mother/caretaker or they will die, and they are dependent for quite some time.

But I argue pro-life means valuing EVERY life. Planned, unplanned, down sydrome, criminal, Muslim, gay...the list is endless. The moment we say one life can be ended because of xyz we become a Conditional Pro-Life movement. I recently saw Les Miserables..the movie. I had seen the play many years before. As much as we love the moral, we shirk the responsibility of what it means to be a Christian.

When we advocate for a criminal whether it's a Jew in hiding in Nazi Germany or in a small Church where a priest líes to defend a thief, the message is the same. It is not about man's law. It is all about valuing LIFE. It's not about the second amendment and the real roots of why that came to be. It's about why is someone else's life worth less?

We make judgements about whose life is worth less..and when we do that we make God's pinacle creation worthless. We are humans capable of great good and yet evil is present in us. Do we condemn our Creator for giving us that condition and freedom? Every time we judge one being less than another, every time we want to control people so that they don't end a pregnancy or don't go to war or don't have the right to guns, we deny our God given right to choose.

Of course there are and should be laws---but in the end if love/God weighed the most in our individual decisions, we would not be fighting for this or that as much as we do. We would always be PRO-LIFE -- FOR pro-choice, anti-gun, pro-peace, occupy wallstreet, pro-life, NRA, Just War, Free market (the labels never end)advocates. Because in the end we all have LIFE, the gift we as Christians believe God gave us, and that is this what it means to be PRO-LIFE.

God bless us as we struggle to live out what our hearts dictate. God bless us with courage and confidence to love when it is most difficult. God bless ALL life...no matter how it is created, in what stage or the choices we judge it makes.

When we judge human life and all the varied forms...we judge God--and who are we creatures to judge our Creator. HE gave us choice from the very beginning knowing we would make mistakes and yet he deemed that freedom still good. We are not called to judge people even if we have to judge positions and actions. We are called to witness and love.

Let us remember how the angel asked Mary to participate with God. It was not thru force or a threat or thru education...it was thru humble supplication. May we learn from this example.

Yes in the end most of us do not choose LIFE in some moments but that should not dishearten us. We should praise God/Love for being gracefully PRO-CHOICE because that makes the beautiful PRO-LIFE possible.

The Culture Wars--a short reflection on MLK day.

I have thought often that a show on the Culture Wars that invites dialogue instead of an us against them mentality would be so beneficial to society. Some of us sit the whole conversation out...because it is a war. There are wars of words, hateful and judgemental emotions, threats such as losing your job or friends and it is no wonder so many sit it out in the public square.

Those who do participate often are caught up in the judgemental rhetoric. I get emails from pro-life and pro-marriage groups that are sometimes encouraging but often they say couch their language with words such as outrage, fight, and paint the opposition as pure evil with a cold and calculating agenda. I sometimes wonder how much of that is just a projection of the way the themsleves function. Regardless, most of it leaves me cold and I have no desire to support them monetarily.

As we approach MLK day let us remind ourselves that fighting unjust laws or fighting to prevent unjust laws can have the face of courage that embraces self-sacrifice, vision, and love.

God bless us all in our quest for truth, love and true freedom.

Redeeming Ignorance

It has been a LONG time. There is a quiet and stillness that is required to write and my life has had very few moments like this which is why there has been a hiatus. I penned this months ago and am thankful that this Thanksgiving morning I have the opportunity to publish it.

Ignorance is part of the human condition and until we recognize this truth we can not be humble and let God lead. I remember the first time I realized this, it was when I came back to the Catholic church at 26. I realized that there are worlds of knowledge out there that I will never know. Even if I were to specialize in something, I will never know everything there is to know about that area I am focusing on, even if I lived forever!

This brings me to the frenzy most of us who are thoughtful and conscious get caught up in, namely politics. Both sides think their opinion is correct and the opposing argument ignorant, even evil. Can we both be right and wrong? We are all ignorant--not knowing how complex, changeable and mysterious a human being is and how perfect and unchangeable God is. And yet HE lives and expands in the minutia of life we can never grasp, and at the same time is in the bigger picture we can never see. He redeems and overcomes evil, and we join him limping along the way---doubting at times that good wins over evil--the battles are long and the war never seems to end. But it will.

We collectively and individually are human and have in our DNA the same disease of our EGO. This blinds us even more to our own ignorance. We assume things that are not true, and we attribute as God's will what is in fact our own will. Most of us are honest enough to own our own will. Our EGO (edging God Out) seeks the opposite of glorifying God. It seek to glorify oneself. We all have it, and we all are tempted and fall often. Its not a pretty sight, and it causes harm. No doubt we must do what we must to heal but we also must know that God is bigger than all of it and if we confess and repent, then there is no mountain we can't climb with HIS and all the heavenly beings ready to help.

As I digressed--I come full circle. We have to make choices daily, moment to moment, some are true to ourselves and some are not, some are good and some are evil and often these things are mutually exclusive. And when we choose -- we do so in ignorance and yet we must. In standing up for truth for good and for God we do so as imperfect and ignorant beings. So here in is the kernel-- have your mind open enough to listen, your heart open enough to love, your body open enough to feel, and your soul graced enough to seek truth and courageous enough to defend it.

Then we can choose in confidence knowing we did the best we could with what we knew at the moment, knowing that in the end we may be wrong and yet God will make it right. It seems laughable, but it is also beautiful. We are ALL human and despite our ignorance we can be redeemed and lifted up by our Almighty God. I leave you with Jesus own words that says it all, "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do."

In God We Trust

Another milestone in our Christian and American Calendar. Pentecost Sunday is the beginning of the Holy Spirit coming into our world and being with each one of us. Memorial day is a day where we remember those who sacrificed their lives for us and an ideal they trusted.

Trust is perhaps the one element in all relationships that is tested. I have to start with my hero and Lord Jesus Christ. He trusted his sinful and weak disciples, He trusted those in the throes of sins grasp, and he trusted his Heavenly Father's plan even when it seemed just too much to bear.

It makes me realize that trust is in essence is an act of vulnerability and love. I am not so good at being vulnerable. My fiery temperament and self sufficiency always seem to often get in the way. But in this new season of my life, I have taken a huge leap of trust in my relationship with God. At times it seemed like the only choice to make as doors closed in ways that seemed to signal--STOP. And so I did.

I took a pause and let God lead and boy did He lead me into a path that my rational brain would have never anticipated. It is true I was being prepared to take this last leap of faith, nevertheless it also has to be act an of will to finally follow. Yet, despite a myriad of answered prayers and the most unlikely of doors opening--I still had doubt.

Its almost as if there is comfort in me feeling that I must do in order to deserve. As I continued in my new career path, I realized I needed a source of at least part time income in order to weather the ebbs and flows of acting until such day that God wills it otherwise. I needed something flexible, and I began to worry as my time frame was shortening. This worry was the antithesis of trusting in divine providence, especially when you are focusing on divine providence! Matthew 6:8 "Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."

I have seen this time and time again with even people who have no formal belief in God, but yet still have faith things will work out. With me it was no different. Despite my angst I surrendered to God. In the end, things worked out. It' s funny, after the fact, I wondered why I stressed myself so. Yet it's comforting to know that God loves me despite this lack of faith.

The worrying seems to be a wrestle between trying to be in control and trusting in God to provide. It true you have to seek and ask but the door will always open.
The sin of worry is that it can blind you from seeing what God is trying to give you.

If we can make that giant leap to trust God then we can take the next step in trusting one another. It should not be a wreck less or naive trust but a trust that allows for our humanity and brokenness. The Holy Spirit can both guide us in when and how to trust and can be there to catch us if the trust is broken. It may be God calls us to trust and love each other because it is in this act that we both honor Him taking care of us and help redeem one another. When we trust our neighbor despite their brokenness, we begin accepting and trusting ourselves.

My hope is that we learn to trust God day by day and moment to moment. For when we surrender to Him moment to moment then we can surrender and trust each other despite the almost inevitable disappointment. With the Holy Spirit, we can dare say in God we trust.

God's Story Unfolding Through Us

I only meant to fast from facebook during Lent. Unintentionally, I gave up writing in my blog as well:-). I also added going to daily mass being mindful that the purpose was to get closer to Jesus. Lent is all about Jesus. We learn intimately about God thru Jesus mortal life and then thru his glorious resurrected Life. No doubt today is the most Joyous day in the Christian calender. Jesus is risen from the dead with a transfigured immortal body!

This Lent and Triduum (Holy Thursday thru Saturday), however, was different for me. In the past, I always saw Lent and the Triduum as a necessary evil. I could not wait for it to end so that Easter would finally be here. This year I embraced Lent as a time to really walk with Jesus and see what he did for me. I took it personally.

And on a day that ended up being a milestone for my career. I was caressed by Jesus love. Before I was emailed and called with the good news, I was in my car at the parking lot across from Trader Joe's in Millbrae. It was the end of the last full week of Lent. I reflected on what was going to happen the following week. And I teared up as I realized how great His Love really was. How great thou art. The double meanings say it all.

I told a friend who was visiting me thru the Triduum and into Easter, " He made it all about us, and now we make it all about HIM." The full circle of love. When we are loved and we know it and feel it, we are naturally drawn to respond back. That is the nature of love. We receive and we give love and as the cycle continues..Love grows.

Easter is beautiful and miraculous. But let us not forget that the true miracle, the deeper joy of Easter is all because of Lent and Good Friday. The cross is beautiful because it reminds us how deep God's Love is; in turn our capacity to love can become as deep and powerful if we embrace HIS love. That is the most beautiful story that God is unfolding through us.